Fabulous fire family dinner!

Ass o'clock to 1 p.m. - work at diner
1:45 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. - homework and cleaning
5:30 p.m. to 6 p.m. - shower and get dressed for dinner, do hair in pigtail braids, decide it looks lopsided, just use headband instead
6:05 p.m. - go to fire family home
6:30 p.m. - know it's going to be a good night when offered italian pastries before dinner even starts, eat rainbow cookie
6:32 p.m. - scoop jaw up off the ground when two huge black garbage bags of clothes are hauled in front of Danielle
6:34 p.m. - regain composure, say thank you, drop to knees with sisters and start digging through bag closest to me
6:35 p.m. - listen to Alex shriek over Ed Hardy clothing with tags in her size
6:37 p.m. - find beautiful Ralph Lauren dress that may fit me
6:48 p.m. - get yelled at to come sit down and eat already
6:52 p.m. - listen to Topher stories while checking on bags of clothes to make sure they don't grow legs and walk away from us
7:24 p.m. - eat one more meatball because they're so good even though I'm full
7:31 p.m. - listen as Alex whispers in my ear wondering if she's too old to get away with asking if we can take some leftovers home. sadly say yes, it is the end of an era
7:53 p.m. - groan as huge plate of pasticiotto, bocconotti, and cannoli is brought out
8:26 p.m. - decide we need to get home as I look at Danielle laying in recliner with a cat on her lap
8:30 p.m. - help bring dishes into the kitchen and start washing as Alex brings more and more from dining room
8:38 p.m. - hear front door open and close a couple of times, wonder what's going on but can't see from kitchen sink, wash faster
8:39 p.m. - accidentally bang plate against edge of sink in haste to rush through dishes, make sure it's not chipped, decide to slow down
8:44 p.m. - finished with dishes, wander into living room to find garbage bags and Danielle gone, wonder if she's run off with our clothes
8:46 p.m. - get told we are being driven home since there is too much to carry on trains!
8:49 p.m. - after hugs, kisses and thank yous, we are given leftovers complete with dessert (!), and packed into a car to go home
9:21 p.m. - resist huge urge to go through new clothes and instead drag Alex out of living room and tell her to go to bed

After school/work tomorrow we are all three definitely going through the bags of clothes. I am so excited - these all look really new and they're folded nicely and don't smell at all! Best Sunday night dinner in ages. Think I died and went to meatball heaven. I am so happy there are more to eat tomorrow.

Gimme my money

A few weeks ago (pre-face) a woman in the building stopped Alex to ask how old she was. The woman was holding a baby and Alex told her she's in seventh grade to seem older in case the talk took a babysitting turn. Smart move because it was. So Alex babysat a few days ago for three and a half hours. She was supposed to get $20. When the woman came home she only had $5 so she told Alex to come back Tuesday to get the rest of her money.

When Alex went back the woman said she had to spend it on diapers for the baby and she should come back today. I had a bad feeling the woman was going to screw Alex over and not pay her. Today after work I went with Al to the woman's door and nobody answered. We waited a couple of minutes, then walked down the hall to the stairs.

When we were like 30 feet away, we heard a baby cry from that apartment. Alex ran back and banged on the door. We listened to the baby cry and scream but still nobody came to the door. Alex is hurt and furious. Aunt Elaine told her people here are not the kind of people she should try to work for, that the woman probably spent the money on getting high.

I feel bad for Alex - she wanted to earn money to buy Danielle a present for getting through her first year at her special school.

Spoiled

Josh is totally spoiled. He's not obnoxious about it, but he definitely gets everything he wants. His mother buys him a whole new set of bedding each year. Josh told me this once when we were fooling around and I realized they weren't the same sheets as the last time. If he gets a stain on his clothes or rips something, he throws them out and gets new ones. Josh has more shoes than me and my sisters combined.

There is a special thing in his bathroom for the wintertime, where it makes your towels warm for when you get out of the shower. Josh does not know how to cook anything harder than eggs. Once when I was over making him dinner, Josh offered to help. I told him he could make the pasta and he started trying to figure out how many quarts were needed. Josh goes on trips out of the country multiple times a year. His parents have houses in other places. His family has two Wii's. Josh owns two fancy suits.

So yes Josh is definitely spoiled. He will totally admit it.

I don't want to pay rent for a place after school ends because first it's going to be hard to get someone to agree since I'm not 18 and second I should not HAVE to since I'm not 18! There is no way it costs Aunt Elaine $950 or however much a month of rent would be to take care of us. No way. It would be one thing if I was like 27 and still living with her. Then it would be fair for her to kick us out. But I don't turn 18 until the fall, after college starts.

Weekend

Of course there was no fire family dinner last night, because of course everyone is doing something special for the long weekend. Daniellle worked seven hours yesterday and is working six today. Someone did drop off a bag of stuff for us though. Sheets and pillowcases.

The sheets are for bigger beds than our twin mattresses though so we can't use them. Danielle noticed weird yellow stains on them - we don't know what they are. They look like pee to be honest. I had no idea adults just randomly pee in their beds. Danielle offered the sheets to Aunt Elaine since she has a big bed. Aunt Elaine asked why she would want new sheets and Alex was like, "Because you never change the ones on your bed so now you could?"

For a super huge fat person Aunt Elaine can move really fast when she's inspired to slap someone. Alex was so pissed off, because her face is just getting back to normal. She only has two bruises left that are yellowish. I don't blame her for being angry.

I am going into the city with this boy Sebastian in a couple of hours. He is gay, Puerto Rican doesn't believe sweater vests should make a comeback and has made it his personal mission to educate me on Broadway shows. Every time we hang out at least an hour is spent watching Youtube clips of different shows.

Feeling very sleazy

Anon person who commented with a link to summer sublets i know. but if I can avoid spending $1500 or whatever for that month and a half it would be really great to save that money.  It feels wrong but my sisters are making me feel frantic so i am playing all the angles and i talked to josh about it today.  

Every day there's stuff we can't afford and it doesn't make me blink.  It's kind of funny - I spend so much time touching money but ........

Definitely up there with one of our very most awkward talks. Josh is going to see what he can do. When I was talking to Danielle about it after work I realized I'm waiting for Craig and Josh - why is my future dependent on two men? something about that feels wrong.  anyway now i am tempted to tell craig to hold off on saying anything to aunt elaine until we see what Josh comes up with because if I can avoid pissing her off that would be great. 

Spinning

Saw Craig today. Talked to him. He wanted to talk about Alex and I finally yelled at him that there were more important things than her face going on. So he is going to talk to Aunt elaine. I hate knowing he's going to. I am terrified he'll do it and then i'll come home from work and all my stuff will be outside the door because she got mad at me.

I feel like totally frantic about this. I don't have time to deal with being homeless and figuring out where to stash my sisters. The other girl who hostesses at the diner told me that now that the weather's getting good she is going to call in sick to go hang out more, so I can have some of her hours. That's great except I have school and my other job and stuff so I can't take her hours. At work tonight I noticed my nail polish is all chipped and when I was giving a guy his change he told me "not for nothing but your nails look like shit".

There is a massive three-chapter test tomorrow. I just started studying an hour and a half ago. I have a cough. with my luck, it is swine flu.

Where do I live?

Now that Alex is walking around with her messed up face, Aunt Elaine has decided she is officially no longer the cute baby anymore. Alex got told she's nothing but trouble, just like the other two (me and Danielle). Aunt Elaine also told Alex to make sure she's gone when I leave at the end of June. But here is the problem. Josh's parents are not finding an apartment before August 15th. That's the weekend they have decided to like, start renting or whatever it's called.

I won't be 18 until the fall so like technically Aunt Elaine can't kick us out. Except that she will just have the locks changed one day while we're not home and then won't open the door. She totally told me this. She has the phone number for a locksmith all written down and everything. My school ends at the end of June. Where do you live for like a month and a half?

Even if I got Josh's parents to get an apartment to start earlier than they planned, there is no way I will be able to pay for it all by myself. Because if it were up to me, we would just get a one-bedroom for like $1,000 and Alex & Danielle could have the bedroom and I would sleep in the living room. Josh showed me some of the apartments his parents were looking at for us, and they are crazy expensive.

This is the problem with a rich person dating a poor person. What's good enough for me because it's what I can afford is not even something a rich person would think about considering for even one second. Danielle's idea is that we buy a cheap car at the end of June and a gym membership and live in the car and shower at a gym each day and then sell the car in mid-August. So far this is the best plan.

Forced freedom

Danielle and I made the executive decision to force Alex back to school today. She still has bruises and scratches but nothing awful. We put a lot of coverup on her face and reminded her to wash it right off after school so the air can get in and heal her skin. Of course our air is disgusting and smokey so I'm not sure how much good that's doing, but whatever.

I called Alex's guidance counselor to let her know that Al's face is a wreck last week when it happened so all her teachers knew already. She said today it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be, that people didn't even realize she'd been out or if they did, didn't make a big deal. I knew they wouldn't - kids show off their bullet wounds so there's no way someone would care about a jacked up face.

Beyond

It's not nearly enough to say "exhausted." I'm like so totally way beyond that point. Alex has turned into a three year old. She all but wraps herself around my knee insisting I pull her everywhere I go. When I came out of the shower this morning she was holding my towel. No wait. Truthfully she was wrapped - in her pajamas - in my towel.

Alex has turned into a big fat fucking crybaby too. She cried begging me to skip work and just come home. "Why, what's wrong?" "Nothing," she says. "I just want you to come heat me up soup and sit with me while I eat it." Is she fucking kidding me? Except she's not kidding at all.

Yeah. So how's your day going?

The bitterest girl in the neighborhood,
Sam

Long weekend

It's good that Craig met up with us for an emergency post-jumping shrinking because this way I wasn't worried that Alex is still waking up with nightmares. Of course our fire family dinner was canceled for Mother's Day. It's kind of funny - without fail on the days when I'd really like to have a dinner it always gets canceled. Every time.

Honestly this weekend kind of sucked. Alex is embarrassed about how her face looks so she wants to stay home. Aunt Elaine wants us all out. I have to work, Alex doesn't want me to leave. Alex doesn't want to be home alone, which meant Danielle and I took turns being home. Which meant Aunt Elaine is angry at all three of us.

One of Josh's good friends threw a party last night and I couldn't go because Danielle had been invited to a sleepover for last night in the beginning of April. Josh offered to come over but Aunt Elaine was so pissed off it didn't seem like I'd be able to sneak him in. Which made me pissed at Alex all over again for not wanting to be alone.

I spent all day at the diner seating families and wishing everyone happy mother's day as they paid their checks. Josh came by early in the afternoon to ask if I'd come out to dinner, saying I could bring my sisters (because I'd already bitched to him about the fire family dinner).

At first Alex said she wanted to go. Then when I got home after work to shower and change she didn't want to come. Danielle said fine but we weren't staying home with her. Alex cried. It was a huge screaming mess between the three of us. I put on one of my fancy Gap dresses with leggings and ballet flats because Josh's family is always fancy.

Dani and I felt kind of weird, like crashing their mother's day dinner but both of Josh's parents hugged us and said they were really happy we could join them on such short notice. The restaurant was so fancy I couldn't figure out what anything on the menu was, neither could Danielle. Finally Josh asked if I wanted meat, chicken or seafood and when I told him, he told me which thing on the menu to point at, and he did the same thing with Danielle. Even now I don't know what we got, except mine came with spinach, but it all tasted good. Every time I eat with Josh's family I am exhausted afterwards.

I don't know if it's the amazingly good food they always have or from being around them. We brought dessert home for Alex.

Aftermath of being jumped

Alex had a horrible night. This means all three of us had a horrible night. Danielle and I considered drugging Alex up double but decided she doesn't weigh enough plus with her concussion we decided it wouldn't be a good idea. Dani slept on the floor in the hallway and I slept with Alex and woke her up a little every two hours plus every time it seemed like she was starting to get a nightmare.

I networked like a mofo today and all we've figured out is it was a bunch of hispanic high school girls. Hispanic because Alex remembers being called puta and high school girls because Alex feels like they were all coming down on her from above and she was really certain about that. There wouldn't be a group of junior high girls who ALL got left back.

Aunt Elaine was not happy we were home, especially me since nothing's wrong with me, but you can't look at Al's pathetic face without realizing she's all messed up. I just didn't want to leave her home alone today. Tomorrow I am taking Alex to talk to Craig. I called this morning and he said we can meet in the morning and I hope he will get Al to stop having nightmares.

Alex doesn't want to go to school Monday with her face all messed up. I don't blame her but think she'll look much better three days afterwards. Danielle is really good with makeup so we'll see what Alex looks like Sunday night. Hopefully by then she can talk normally. This sucks.

Dying of guilt

Alex is not just the baby of the three of us. She is a baby. An 11 year-old baby. Al doesn't just need to sleep with somebody to fall asleep, she needs to touch something of theirs too. When Danielle goes to bed she always finds Alex with her hands reached over and entwined in her blanket. When I am about to go to sleep, first I always pick Alex up and haul her back onto her bed and off whoever's bed she's squirmed over onto.

Alex has never gone to the doctor by herself. I don't thinks she's ever put on her own bandaid either. Several months ago we started pushing her to cook dinner herself once a week, and she still can't do it without both asking for help and crying. Alex also doesn't go anywhere by herself. Maybe a couple of times a month she leaves school and comes to meet me at the diner on her own. This is always a big deal and Alex arrives looking shocked that she made it and didn't accidentally wind up in Jersey.

Today was supposed to be one of those days. Alex had a thing after school and then was going to leave and come to the diner. It was busy and I didn't realize she hadn't shown up until it was an hour after I expected her. In between seating people I checked with Danielle.

Me - Al's not here. ?
Dani - u should lev urly.
Me - ?
Dani - blood not broken.

I almost threw up right then. Why was there blood? Totally freaked out. I left work early for like the first time, saying I had a family emergency. The owner's wife was there, took over for me and I raced home. I couldn't decide between calling Danielle and staying on the streets to have reception or going on the train and not having reception but getting there faster.

When I got home Danielle and Alex were sitting in the bathroom and Alex's shirt was ripped, her hair was all messy, her face was all bloody. I couldn't even tell where it was coming from. I mean, clearly it was from her face but it was all over and Alex wouldn't let me touch anywhere. After like 10 minutes of yelling Danielle and I finally convinced her to put on a different shirt and Alex screamed through the whole process, and we took the train a few stops away so I could get us a taxi and go to an emergency room.

Four hours later we are home. Alex has two black eyes, a split lip, a broken cheekbone, and a bloody nose. They did not like me for an adult and called Aunt Elaine. I am not sure what she said but the guy nurse who came back was not happy. Of course I made things worse by standing in front of Alex and telling him not to take out his anger on her face.

The police came and Alex gave descriptions but one of the cops pulled me aside and said nothing was going to happen. Between not knowing the girls who did it, and not even knowing exactly how many they was, she said they did not have enough information. They asked really good questions though, even if any of the girls were in a uniform of any kind, if they were in junior high or high school.

We got some pain killers and Alex is not to eat anything salty or sour. I know it was free medical care so I shouldn't complain, but I will anyway. They didn't even clean the blood that had dripped - I had to clean Alex when we got home and she was half asleep. I don't think we're going to school tomorrow. I also don't think Alex will be going anywhere by herself for a long, long time. Okay excuse me I am going to go cry now.

It's a tough life

I think of the diner as "real work" and the real estate office as "fake work" because firstly the diner came first and secondly I barely do any work at the office. You really can get paid money to sit around and look pretty. I got a really cute pair of shoes at the Gap that are like ballet flats with bows on top. Danielle wants to wear them to school but I am scared she will lose them or they'll get ruined or something.

The funny thing is I thought that like the office job would just pay more than the diner but there wouldn't be any free stuff. Wrong! So when you buy real estate there is a closing and they always have pastries or bagels or something and then champagne for it. It is part of my job to clean up the conference offices at the end of the day and load the dishwasher and run it.

Arnie's assistant is this really nice lady (she drove me home once) and she said I can take leftovers home. So I take home everything except the bagels and the champagne. Okay I have taken home champagne twice.

I sit around doing homework. Every time I could use a little break from it, the phone rings or somebody walks in to distract me at the perfect moment. All the people are super-nice. The old men ask me about my homework and school, they don't flirt or try to hook up with me. It's like a completely different world. I feel like a complete fraud.

Scavaged too soon

There was a college boy living in our building. I think he was like, in masters school or something to get his Phd in biology or chemistry. Something sciencey. Danielle would know. Except she didn't talk to him, only Alex did.

Alex got home by herself one day last year and Aunt Elaine was sleeping. Alex didn't have her key so she couldn't get inside and after she waited in the hallway for a long time she was going to die if she didn't go to the bathroom so she knocked on this guy's door. That's how they became friends.

He's not really friendly like talking-wise but he's really into "being a gentleman" and will hold the door and if he saw one of us carrying something that looked heavy he'd always offer to carry it to our door for us. I think he was from the Middle East somewhere.

Anyway, he moved out over the weekend. We saw him with some older guy carrying boxes and stuff, and then when he was all finished Alex told me he hadn't locked his door. Naturally we went over to see what he left.

That's how we wound up running back and forth from his apartment to ours up and down the hallway carrying armloads of paper towel, a box of tissues, almost a full bottle of Dial soap, more than half of a gallon (!!) of milk, two big bags of frozen mushroom ravioli, a package of frozen chicken, some BBQ sauce, a jar of strawberry jam and a perfectly decent white towel.

So we've been happily using his Dial and drinking this guy's milk and then last night he came back. Alex asked him what he was doing there since he'd already moved out. He said he'd come back to clean out his refrigerator and pick up a couple of things he'd left. Whoops. Dani told him that she'd seen some people from another floor leaving his apartment and she wondered if he'd left his door unlocked.

How were we supposed to know he'd come back?

Big mistake

My toe felt almost all better. I don't have work today and when this girl Gemma asked if I wanted to go play basketball with her it seemed like fun. My toe isn't re-broken but it's sure hurting a hell of a lot more than it was this morning. Hobbling home was not fun and not worth the baskets I made.

Every night

Aunt Elaine: what are you doing here?
Me: I live here
Her: Not for long

Why? Why would you feel the need to remind someone you're kicking them out after treating them like dirt for so many years?