I rush around a lot. When I slow down, like that time when you're laying in bed waiting to calm down enough to fall asleep, in my head I tell my mom about my day and try to guess what she would say. Which things would make her laugh, what would make her ask more questions, what would make her give me her "what are you thinking?!" look.
It kills me that I'm not sure what her reactions would be and that I have to guess. I don't think she would like that I'm living with a boy. Or that Danielle and Alex are too. I do think she'd like Josh, though. I don't think she would like how un-social we are. My mom would like that Alex is serious about dance, but be sad that Danielle and I don't do dance or gymnastics anymore. She would like that we cook good food, her foods, but not that we don't really share, don't have people over for dinner.
She would really like that I'm in college, but not that I'm not doing the Typical College Experience. My mom also wouldn't like that I don't really teach my sisters anything I learn there. That I'm not really like .... doing college. I don't know how to explain it.
She would like that I sew. That Dani and Al can sew. That if I have to live with a boy, at least it's one who is willing to learn how to sew. But she wouldn't like that I don't have time to teach him.
2 comments:
From what you have said about your mom, I cannot think that your mother would have anything but complete pride in what you have accomplished in the years since 2001. You have managed to keep the family together. You have managed to get yourself into college. You have managed to provide a future for you and your sisters that is full of promise. You have avoided all the pitfalls that comes from people who find themselves in your situation. You have maintained family traditions in the most trying of times.
In short, you have done so much that your mother would certainly be proud of, that I can only guess that your mom would certainly accept things that you do that she would not choose for yourself. I would guess, if the circumstances were the same, she might possibly make the same choices.
Your mother is an amazing woman. From your writing, that is clear. What is also clear is that you are also an amazing woman. A woman that any mother would be proud of.
Good for you for taking the time, and good for your mother for having guided you well while she was alive such that you are still able to be guided by her even now.
Can you take a dance class as part of college? Don't forget your plans to do the swimming.
Will Thanksgiving break give you a little more time? Maybe you can have an open house that Friday. Make a little food and invite friends and fire families to casually drop in during some set number of hours.
Teach your sisters college stuff as part of breakfast conversation? Teach Josh to sew while you are doing mending?
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