This morning Danielle asked if we're doing something special for the three-day weekend. Alex said she was up for anything as long as it didn't involve the post office. The three of us smiled kind of awkwardly and Josh looked confused.
Craig met me for lunch today and I told him about what happened with Alex. He nodded and told me this sounded like the Sam of '04 rather than the Sam he knows now. Craig asked what I felt like my role was when we lived in the South Bronx. "In charge." My role here? "Equals."
Turns out that's wrong. Craig thinks Alex (more than Danielle) has picked up on my attitude change, and was basically trying to push me to be more in charge. That while it's totally legitimate that I don't want to be in charge, the reality is I stepped into that role when we had to leave Brooklyn and now I'm pretty much stuck in it.
Craig told me that while it's fine to give Alex more freedom because we're in a much safer neighborhood now, she still needs all the same attention she did before. Turns out there are studies that say as kids get older and act more independent they actually need more attention, not less, even though they can do more themselves.
So basically, I suck.
2 comments:
ahhh, you don't suck.
Glad you met with Craig.
One of the things I've learned over time about change is that while one is changing, those that are experiencing the change often don't like it (are uncomfortable with it) because it causes them to change also. And sometimes those experiencing the change don't know how to respond to it, so they revert to/ resort to previous behaviors in an unconscious effort to derail the one who is changing. This way the status quo is restored.
Maybe kind of like saying what Craig was saying? I dunno.
I've raised three daughters. Didn't always do my best, but did the best I could. One of the things I know now is that needs and roles and responsibilities change. For me at those times, it was often difficult to change gears to respond positively to all those changes. (The occasional shrinkage helped tremendously.)
And
You are not the Mom.
You are the Sister.
But
You are the Sister who took charge and raised yourself and your sisters through times and experiences that are more difficult than most of us can comprehend.
You DoN'T SuCk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I second HDVixen.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You've done well, better than some of the so-called parents all over the world.
I suppose, once in a while, even the most 'perfect' human speciment errs. (I hope that I'm using the right word, and properly too)
keep up the effort, you'll be just fine :)
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