So this guy has a blog, and he's this married guy in Chicago with two little daughters. And he's dying. I read his entire blog and when you read it you're like, "Wow, he's dying so fast, he's deteriorating so quickly."
But then I look at how he researched where to be buried, what he wants to leave for his daughters and it seems like he has an insane amount of time to prepare. I wish my mom had that. Maybe this is terrible but it's kind of okay that my nana didn't - nanas are old, and old people die. But mothers aren't supposed to die. Not until they've become promoted to nana status. Not until their kids don't need them.
So I feel awful for it, but I'm jealous. That this guy - whose name is Alex - has time to write letters to his daughters. Of course they're really young and can't know to soak in the time they have with him before he's gone. But still. He can put together photo albums and take extra pictures and leave them letters and stuff.
I miss my mommy. I wish I had letters from her. I wish I could pet her hair. Smell her clothing. Feel her skin. Hear her voice. I want to wrap all my senses in mommyness until it soaks into me. It should be against the universe's laws to allow parents of kids to die.
2 comments:
I'm not going to lie: there was a certain amount of luxury in having the time to say goodbye to John. He was so depressed by the end of it all that he really withdrew from me and the kids, but it was still a very strange kind of blessing.
I'm so sorry that your mom and your brother died and that you didn't get the time to say goodbye, and that now you have to miss them every day.
It sucks. It really, really sucks.
As a mother myself, I hope I have that time to say goodbye to my kids...however we all say that we'd rather just die in our sleep and not suffer. It's a double edged sword. And Snick's right, it really sucks no matter how you look at it. So sorry for your loss Sam. You're so strong.
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