Ma,
Remember that time that you left Alex and Dani with your friend and took me, just me, to Adventureland out in Long Island for the day? And the whole day was just us. And on the way there, you said to me for that day, we were going to be friends, not mother and daughter? And then you rolled down all the windows and turned the radio up really loud and blasted the music?? I need you to be my friend for this okay, not my mother.
The other night with Stefan, he was kind of intense. It might not have seemed so weird if last time he'd barely looked directly at me. But this time he was all about me. It was like The Sam Show. I was kind of uncomfortable. He'd stare at me with this little smile on his face and feed me lines and play with my fingers and hair and touch me a lot.
All weekend I've been getting texts asking if it's true that I'm going out with Stefan and telling me how lucky I am and how huge this is.
At the end of the night he went to kiss me, and it was okay. Erik was a better kisser, and so was Hector (but maybe that was his tongue ring). I mean, it was good in the "Holy shit STEFAN is kissing me" kind of way, but aside from that it wasn't amazing. So we were sitting on the ledge and Stefan asks if I like him. Sure I do. Then he launches into this whole speech that makes my head spin.
I really like you too. When I go out with girls, I don't hook up with other girls, so I have to get it all from whoever I'm dating. If I'm going to be telling people you're my girlfriend, you're gonna have to give it up consistently. You should know that going in.
So, to be Stefan's girlfriend, I have to have sex with him. I wasn't sure I was hearing him right when he said it; that's why I had to talk with Craig. When I got home that night I wrote down exactly what Stefan said to get it straight and make sure I understood. When I showed the paper to Craig he laughed. He said it's ballsy as all hell and I understood it exactly the way Stefan meant it.
I don't know how to respond to Stefan. Craig suggested telling Stefan I need time to think about it to buy some time, and in the meantime to think about if I want to be someone's girlfriend, what my vision of being part of a couple is, what I think my obligations as someone's girlfriend should be, what a boy's obligations to me should be as my boyfriend, and we can talk about it.
I am okay the way I am, and I'd be okay with having a boyfriend too. When Erik and I were going out I always felt weird about him paying for things for me. Like I owed him. Not that I'm all feminist or anything but I wanted to pay for myself more, much more, and I would have liked to pay for him too sometimes but I was embarrassed that I couldn't. So it was like, I could go and let him pay for me, or not go at all.
That's as far as I've gotten with Craig's four questions so far. I'm going to try to come up with answers to the other three tomorrow.
Love,
Sam
8 comments:
Oh Sam, that is one entitled teenager. The problem I have with his attitude is, no one ever has the right to demand sex. Not your boyfriend, not even your husband someday. Anyone who demands that you satisfy him, even if it's not what you want is being selfish. Sex - making love, should be about mutual pleasure, and what he's proposing may occasionally be, but it doesn't sound like he cares one way or the other.
You are doing so much looking after your sisters now that this should work. Think about how you would feel if someone made this speech to one of your sisters and I think you'll end up giving Stefan his walking papers.
Sam, Monica couldn't have put it better. Think about how you would feel if one of your sisters or friends came and relayed what Stefan had said: you wouldn't want them to do it just because he was telling them they had to, would you?
You're a smart girl, Sam, and I think you really know how you feel about what Stefan said. Now you just need to tell him so too.
This dude sounds like bad news. Really bad news. He has decided he wants to add you to his list of conquests. Stefan should not be telling you what you will do for him. A relationship is about sharing.
He's not interested in sharing- he wants to take. Don't let him.
I know that I haven't commented here before so for you we're total strangers, but I've been reading your posts for a few weeks and I really admire you, Sam. I think you're an amazing person.
I have to tell you, that when I was fifteen I had a boyfriend who was long-distance and he came to visit me a few times. Each time the pressure to have sex with him increased, and on his last visit he suggested we should "go back to his hotel room," and I told him that I didn't want to, and he said "Well, what did I come here for, then?!"
It was pretty obvious what he came for. I think it was poor judgment on my part to date that guy anyway, but especially when it became obvious what he really wanted from me, I ended everything. I'm not saying that a lifetime of abstinence is the right answer. I did go on to have sex with my now-husband before we were married. But no guy should expect this of you first thing, and up-front, and without respect (or even without asking) about your boundaries or feelings. You don't "owe" anybody this, ever, just like Monica said, and you shouldn't ever be under pressure to do it until YOU want to. If I were your big sister, I would tell you that you are worth so much more than this guy.
Here is a blog that I think may help you. I too lost a mother, to mental illness. Not the same I know, but the same in many other ways.
You are very brave, and you will survive.
Share your pain.
http://themotherless.com/
Sorry. Forgot the link!
I'm sorry, but this blog is absolutely shit. This is nothing but an elaborate ploy, probably by the makers of the HPV vaccine. In other words, the situations in this blog ARE FALSE,
Anon, you can bite me cuz you're a moron. I've only got six months of a h.s. marketing class done so far, but I'm pretty sure no drug company would waste time writing a blog and throwing it up on the web to compete with the MILLIONS of other blogs in the world.
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