Aunt Elaine Hates You

Mommy,

Craig hasn't come through with beds yet, but starting next week, twice a week for four hours each, Aunt Elaine will, as Danielle put it, "have a bitch." Really a home health aide, but how much more fun is it to say "When's your bitch coming?" and "Leave it - the bitch will do it." Okay it's terrible and cruel. But kinda fun too.

The first thing Aunt Elaine said when she found out was that this is good, because she'll send the bitch to go food shopping. Implying that will stop the fights she has with us every week for buying stuff she doesn't want us to. Like the milk that doesn't have hormones. And organic orange juice. And the cage-free eggs with omega 3. Deep down, even though Aunt Elaine would never admit it, I think she'd be really happy if we just ate McDonalds every night for dinner.

I tried to explain it to her. How if she buys us milk with hormones, in the long run it will cost Aunt Elaine more money, because then Dani and Alex will get their periods earlier and she'll spend a lot more on tampons than on hormone-free milk. But Aunt Elaine doesn't believe in any of this stuff. She thinks you totally screwed things up by taking those nutrition classes and teaching me what you learned. Screwed things up for her.

Alex is such a drama queen that she got all upset and started crying this morning when we were talking about this. We only had two eggs left today so I poured milk in them to make it seem like more (it didn't really work, and made them watery - I don't know what went wrong). Alex dropped her eggs on the floor and Aunt Elaine was so angry she told her to eat them anyway.

I just called Craig and left him a message telling him what's going on. He needs to fix this shit. What kind of grownup is against kids eating healthy? Oh, well duh. The kind that wants to save money. But that's shitty. We would all rather be short on food at the end of each week if we could eat healthy all the time, rather than eat junk food and have more money (for more junk food).

Anyway. Good thing you're dead because if you weren't, I totally think Aunt Elaine would whack you in the head with her walker.

I get paid today!
Love,
Sam