Friday, September 14, 2007

The Hard Sell

Yesterday we went to the doctor for those doctor visits we're supposed to have before school starts. The ones that the schools consider so important that they don't allow you to start unless you've had them. Yeah, our schools are right on top of things.

I don't know how other people do doctor visits, but we all go in the room together, and just take turns. They don't even have to change the crinkly paper for us - we've already caught whatever we're going to catch from each other.

Our regular girl doctor wasn't there yesterday, so we had to see a guy who I don't really like. There's nothing wrong with him - just, you know how you meet someone and they rub you the wrong way, right away? That's him.

So I go first and he tells me I'm alive and signs the form for school. Then he tells me my chart says I didn't get the HPV vaccine. No shit, I rejected it. He's like, "Are you aware you're setting yourself up for cancer without getting this?" Ummm.... dude? Get your fucking facts straight. It's one TYPE of cancer. Maybe you should read more than just the brochure that came with the vaccines from the drug company before you try to talk people into it.

I told him I'm much more concerned about the lung cancer I'm exposed to every day at home, than cervical cancer which I'm NOT exposed to every day. I even explained how I feel like this thing is too new for me to take, because there could be bad side-effects that we don't know about yet. Even though I discussed all this with the girl doctor. Even though it's not mandatory.

Then Alex went. She'll be 10 at the end of the month. He tried to tell her she should get the vaccine. Alex said no thanks. He said, "It's free to you." Dani and I laughed and Alex said that's not why she doesn't want it. He said, "It won't hurt." Alex asked him not to lie to her and then said that's not why she doesn't want it. He told her she seems like a very smart little girl (ok adult-people, when you're trying to compliment a kid, calling them little negates calling them smart, just a tip) and he knew she wouldn't just follow what I do without thinking for herself.

Alex thought about that for a minute and then said, "But if I listen to you, aren't I just following what you say and not thinking for myself?" He got a weird look on his face, and was like, "But I'm a DOCTOR!" And Alex just shook her head and smiled, with this little look on her face like, "I'm sorry, but that's just not good enough for me."

Then Alex was finished, and it was Dani's turn. As she and Alex switched places, the doctor said, "You're all sisters, so I don't have to wash my hands, right?" Right before he touched her, he sneezed. So Dani asked him to wash his hands first.

HOLY SHIT! You'd think she asked him something horrible with how meanly he glared at her. This guy sucks. I miss our old doctors in Brooklyn. Anyway, he tried to tell Dani she is the perfect age for Gardasil and that she could set a good example for Alex.

He was totally disgusted with all three of us by then, and said he was noting our charts that from now on we're to be examined one at a time, like it was a threat. I told him there's no way in hell my nine year old sister is being in a room alone with a boy doctor who tries to intimidate people, so *I'M* having a note put in all our charts that we aren't to be given appointments with him ever again. What a fucking douchebag.

If adults are such assholes it makes sense that they can't fathom (fathom!) that kids might not be also. But not all kids are assholes. And maybe in the olden days they didn't have marketing and advertising classes in high school, but we do, and my favorite classes are ones that teach me stuff that's usable in the real world, so give us a little credit.

Anyway, I was thinking about all this vaccine stuff on the walk home and I have a question. How come boys NEVER have to do anything? Girls have to get three shots to get the vaccine, girls have to get birth control, girls have to be pregnant, have babies, all this stuff. What the hell do the boys EVER have to do? I don't want to turn into one of those bitter girls when I go to college, like the ones who make their boyfriends buy tampons just to show how whipped he is. But really, what do the boys ever have to do?

Aunt Elaine was pretty pissed when we got home. Apparently the doctor was so pissed off that he CALLED TO TELL ON US. And she hates having to deal with parent-y things. And after she finished yelling at us that she doesn't care what we do as long as we stay out of trouble, Aunt Elaine said I'm totally like my mother. And she would have researched new vaccines and asked lots of questions and not been afraid to go against authority figures. Which kind of made the whole horrible afternoon totally beautiful and worth it.

4 comments:

Vinny said...

Sam-

The doctor was an ass. You were absolutely right to handle him the way you did.

Yes, he should wash his hands between patients, family or not.

Yes, he should change the paper between patients.

No, he should not see girls as young as your sisters without a family member present.

No, you don't need the HPV vaccine.

Yes, it is awfully new. If you were at risk now, it would be worth it. However, you are not sexually active, so you are right to let others get it first.

"Like your mother." Sounds like you got extra points from an unexpected source. Good for you. Don't let that douchebag doc get you down. You are right to ask for a better doc next time, and to say you never want to be seen by him. He's a bad doc with a terrible bedside manner.

Anonymous said...

sam, i’m still rolling around on my bed laughing about the "douchebag doc". i still dicover new stuff about your language i hadn't heard before.

that doctor clearly is an inconsiderate idiot. washing your hands and changing the crinkly paper between patients is not just a matter of spreading germs from one to the other but a question of hygiene. you wouldn't all share each others underwear without washing it in between, would you?
and you are absolutely right to have your own mind about vaccines and other medications. many health problems nowadays come from people not giving their health a thought and leaving all the decisions to doctors.
i wouldn't advise anyone strongly for or against this vaccine. if someone feels safer having it, okay, that's their decision. but statistics are interpreted in favor of this vaccine, to make it sound like everyone who doesn't get it is sure to get cervical cancer, and that's simply not true. only few people who get infected with HPV ever develop cervical cancer. to say "you're setting yourself up for cancer" is an irresponsible exaggeration. you did very good by deciding not to be treated by him again.

oh, and "how come boys never have to do anything?" is one of my favorite questions in life. it seems to be destined by nature that we're the ones who end up with all the responsibility. i know this made me tougher than most of the boys i know but sometimes i'm really sick of taking the responsibility for everything. i managed to get birth control off my list, but if there is an accident, i'll be the one who gets pregnant.
men used to have a lot of worries in the past that women didn't have to bother themselves with, like find - and keep - a good-paying job, do hard work, feed the family. but today women are doing the same work as men to feed their families, so it really looks unfair sometimes.
by the way, if vaccination against HPV were so essential in the fight against cancer, boys should have as much reason to get it as girls, because they can carry and spread the HPV virus, too.

okay, this rant has grown far too long. hope you are well otherwise, and the heartbreak is healing slowly. email me if you want! i'm here.ddsz

Jason Dufair said...

Sam - can I just say you're a rock star? I love how you handled that fuckwit doctor. I don't know that I would've had the presence of mind to deal with such an incompetent dick. Your sisters are extremely lucky to have you. Nice work.

Thalia said...

Sam, I imagine you may not read this as it's on such an old post, and I know time has moved on and I haven't got through your archives yet to know if you finally got the vaccine yet, but I have to say two things

1. I love how you are actively managing yours and your sisters care and appointments. Of course you should be with them.

2. Getting the vaccine is a good idea. It is made in the way that other vaccines are and is safe. it is made from bits of the virus that are 'killed' so they can't infect you, but they activate your immune system to recognise the virus and kill it should you ever be infected with it. It dramatically reduces your chances of getting cervical cancer, while it is not able to offer a guarantee.

3. I think now you're older your logic of 'let others get it first to see if it's safe' might make you a bit uncomfortable (who are the 'others'?). I'd be interested to know if you still think this way.