One time when I was little and came home from being out with my grandma, my mother was laying in the couch with a washcloth over her eyes. All the lights were off in the middle of the day and my mother was just laying there. She said it was a very bad headache, but I'd never had a headache and didn't really understand. I didn't get how light hurt, how even little noises, like opening a drawer or whispering, were too loud.
On Friday I was supposed to stop at Josh's house and then we were going to dinner and then party-hopping. I felt FINE on the way over. When I got to Josh's a headache slammed into my head and it was weird - I actually took a step backwards.
It was hard to breathe and I wasn't sure I could get back home. In the bathroom I ran water over the insides of my wrists while trying to figure out what to do. I was sweating and felt gross. Josh was leaning against the wall across the bathroom and I remember thinking he looked really hot then.
He asked if I was okay and I shook my head no. That was a HUGE mistake. We went into Josh's room and I laid down. I felt my shoes being taken off and I concentrated on not throwing up. It didn't work and I ran back to the bathroom and threw up twice.
Loudly. With the door open. Totally in front of Josh. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I crawled back to the bed while Josh went to get me some water. Getting off the floor was too hard, so I didn't bother.
Huge mistake though for when I had to throw up the third time. Honestly? Had I not been at Josh's I really would have just puked into the garbage pail.
It was so horrible. I was really embarrassed. Josh's mom came to look at me. She said I was horribly pale and when she put her hand on my forehead I leaned into it and it felt so good. I wanted to cry. And not just because I puked in front of a boy. But also because the taste of it was in my mouth and it made me feel like puking even more.
Josh's mother brought me a new toothbrush and told me to sit on the edge of the bathtub and brush my teeth. It felt good to get the puke taste out of my mouth. I didn't know where to put the toothbrush when I was finished with it. It's not like anyone would want to use it after I did. Was I supposed to throw it out? Keep it? I laid a tissue on the counter and put the toothbrush on it.
I looked around under the sink and found toilet bowl cleaner to pour in the toilet. When I got back to Josh's room his mom was sitting on the bed in the dark like she was waiting for me. She sat me down and asked if I wanted a different shirt. I started to nod but it hurt and I stopped.
When I took off my shirt I was kind of embarrassed to be just in a bra in front of my boyfriend's mother. She told me to lay down and when I did, she slid a wet washcloth under my shirt and laid it across my back. It felt good. I looked at the clock. 7:15 p.m.
"I'm sorry I ruined your bathroom" I told her. Josh's mother petted my hair and said it wasn't ruined at all. It felt very mommyish and I loved it and hated it all at the same time.
Three hours later I woke up. Everything was silent. Did Josh go to the parties without me? Was I going to have to talk to his parents without him there? I sat on the edge of the bed for a while, waiting to see if it would make me throw up. It took a few minutes for the dizzy feeling to go away.
I went to the kitchen for some water and Josh was sitting at the table playing cards with his dad. The lights were really bright. Josh asked how I was feeling. I tried to say "better" but it came out funny. My throat hurt. He handed me vitamin water and asked if I wanted toast.
Then I felt awful and didn't think I could stay there anymore. I needed to lay down again.
I ate half a piece of toast laying down on the couch and tried really hard to not make crumbs. That's where I slept Friday night. We missed dinner and parties - I ruined Josh's night. Saturday morning I felt better when I woke up - I used the toothbrush again and washed my face. I was scared to eat in case it made me throw up more.
Josh's mom brought me some applesauce. I definitely felt less pukey and my headache was gone, but I felt weird and scared it might come back. Josh asked if I wanted to go home. I knew my sisters were worried, because I'd told them I'd be home before they woke up. So I called and told Alex I was at Josh's and sick. Alex asked if I could bring her home a bagel.
Josh took me home and we did get Alex's bagel. I have been in bed since Saturday morning. I am still a little pukey. But now I understand my mother's headache. I wish I'd been quieter for her.
3 comments:
Oh Sam, I wish you didn't have to find out just what a migraine headache feels like. It might help to avoid them if you can figure out what triggered it. For some people it's something you ate - chocolate and cheese are common ones. Sudden changes in pressure can do it too, for me it's flickering fluorescent lights and/or stress. I hope you feel better now.
For lunch that day I ate fast food and I hadn't had any in like over a year. Maybe it really IS terrible for you.
that really sounds like an awful migraine. i think i had my first migraine at 18, i think, and at first there were several years between the attacks of migraine. in my thirties the built up to about once or twice a year, then almost every month, the seemed to coincide with my period, too. today i can almost always avoid them by avoiding stress, caffeine, alcohol and lack of sleep around that time of month.
and you may be right about the fast food - that often contains a lot of monosodium glutamate, a flavor enhancer that is thought to trigger migraines. other possible triggers may be foods that contain tyramine, like aged cheeses, chocolate, yogurt and fermented beverages, or sulfites that you find in wine and dried fruit.
i hope you are better by now. throwing up in front of a boy can be terribly embarrassing, it happened to me when i only knew my partner for a couple of weeks and i wanted to die with shame. but he was really worried about me and brought me soup he thought would be good for my stomach and didn't seem to mind at all. that helped a little.
Post a Comment