They are friends of mine, and their mother is an honest to goodness crackwhore white trash woman. She applied to Jerry Springer and was rejected. I'm not even kidding.
Pagne's full name is Champagne, and Nelly's full name is Chanel. I know. Total white trash names. It's awful. Pagne is older - she's in my grade and Nelly is in 9th, but she's cool and hangs out with us too.
Pagne told me today the only reason she's doing cosmotology is so that when she goes to college she can work as a hair dresser or something when she's not in school. I almost threw up. That's a GREAT idea. Why didn't I think of that? Of course now it's too late. I am so definitely dragging my sisters into homelessness with me the way I'm going. It's almost a month after my birthday now and my SISTER has found a job (and she wasn't even looking!) and I haven't. Oh, except the offer to dance in a cage with Michelle is still open. She said sometimes if two girls kiss each other people throw money at them. Yay for that. Sign. Me. Up.
I am totally going to become a stripper when I go to college because what the hell else am I going to do? Even a one bedroom apartment that's decent is going to cost over a thousand dollars a month and seriously, all the ones I'm seeing on CL suck and are crappy run down shitholes. There is no way I would be able to sneak two extra people into student housing, and I don't think they'll just give me the money they'd pay for it so I could put that towards my own place.
Excuse me while I go fucking kill myself. Even that I screwed up - I should at least have gotten life insurance so my sisters would get something out of my death besides a new laptop and an iPod. Christ. I hate everything.
3 comments:
It's been awhile since I was in HS, but it seems to me that you have less than qualified advisers at your school...? Anyway, do you have a Social Worker? You may be able to get into Cosmetology now, it's only the end of the 1st quarter, right? If you switch now, you maybe able to make up the hours for licensing, some after school & probably the rest during the summer...just a thought, might be worth looking into - as long as you go into that conversation being the articulate, intelligent, rational, young lady who writes this blog & not the "hot head" you no longer want to be ;) Considering your circumstances, they may just be willing to accommodate you & do things they wouldn't ordinarily do :)
d/m - it is a mess - cosmotology is usually for the people who aren't going to college - Pagne is planning to go to cc and i'm not. i have to take regents and can't just take the non-regents diploma - that's all the dumb classes I pushed so hard to get OUT of. plus, she doesn't have to haul her sisters around so they can have lives after school. I don't have time for after school hours - i have my shrink and dani's and taking alex everywhere and we're already in the second quarter.
plus nothing about my circumstances makes room for "I was too retarded to plan ahead". it's not like it was THIS 9/11.
You've got to give yourself a break, you're 16 - I'm 39 & still mess shit up every once in awhile, Ok alot a-while :( There has to be Child Advocacy groups in New Freakin York??? Your Aunt is useless, your shrink seems to care, but he does have to watch that "line"! You need someone who gives a shit about YOU, DANI, & AlEX! I know it's got to be tough, NO - I've never been in YOUR position - I HATE when I get these Assholes who tell me "Oh I understand..." NO YOU DON'T!!! Your biggest issue at hand is to NOT make too many waves & draw attention that ends up in the 3 of you being separated!!! Let me do some digging, I still have friends up North - I used to be a Paramedic out of Newark & have family in Toms River("Down tha' Shaw" LOL :) For Christ sake, there's Advocacy groups for people who shit themselves daily...I don't know...sarcasm, I'm tired...there HAS to be something for the 3 of you!!! Let me look...
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