My Chest Hurts

If the universe is going to be mean enough to make my chest hurt, it's only right that my boobs get bigger. That's fair, right?

Yesterday morning I dropped Alex off at Craig's house. He wasn't there and Mrs. Craig made us hot chocolate (with milk, not water) and marshmallows. Alex is sleeping in their study/guest room and Mrs. Craig apologized that the room was a little cluttered. Ummm... no it's not. Alex and I just looked at each other. She doesn't know from cluttered. That room was NOT cluttered. They cleaned out two drawers for Alex to put her clothes in but everything fit in one. You don't need that much for a week.

It was really hard to leave and we both cried. Alex has never ever been gone for more than one night. And the retarded thing was that I was seeing her today - for the Christmas party.

They are fancy - cloth napkins and no food in the living room and coasters and all the towels in the bathroom are perfectly folded. I told Alex to fold her towel really carefully and wipe up any water she gets on the bathroom floor after her shower.

I called last night and Alex said she was scared to go to sleep by herself. She said this was a terrible idea and she'd rather be scared being alone with Aunt Elaine and she should have said she'd come each day to mother's help but not sleep there. In her entire life Alex has never slept in a room by herself. Al made me promise if she couldn't fall asleep by midnight and called me, I would come over. She didn't call and when we talked this morning she was kind of surprised at herself that she made it all night.

When I got there this afternoon to pick her up for the party, Alex's hair was in a french braid and her clothes looked funny. Mrs. Craig IRONED Alex's shirt for her. Ironed. Her. Shirt. Oh, and she lent Alex a necklace to wear for the party. A real gold necklace. It was very weird to see her like that. On the way to Josh's I was sad and angry. Even now if I think about it I still am. Alex got a bunch of compliments on her hair. Mrs. Josh is so nice - she had this long talk with Alex about how hard it is to take care of a baby and how you worry that you're doing it right and Alex is giving Mrs. Craig a great thing in letting her have a break this week and the baby is lucky to have Alex.

Alex was like ... beaming. Totally so happy. On our way out Mrs. Josh pulled me aside and told me she was sorry if she was monopolizing Alex's time too much and she forgot we'd probably want to catch up. Josh said later when I saw his mom and Alex in the kitchen I had a really angry look on my face. Next time I see Alex is Thursday when I go for shrinking.

When we got back to Craig's, Alex and I called Danielle. She is having so much fun. The Malaika's gave her christmas presents, so I'm really glad I sent her with stuff for them. Dani got headbands and a sweater and three pairs of really nice socks from the Gap and fancy chocolate. And that's on TOP of them taking her skiing for the whole week. People are crazy. I don't know how they do so much nice stuff.

Dani said she's really good at skiing and has only fallen down twice. She said there are all these other snow sports besides skiing that they're doing too, and she is drinking like three hot chocolates each day and she and Malaika stay up late every single night.

It feels like something is pressing into my chest on the inside underneath the skin. Sometimes it doesn't hurt as much. Like when I am doing stuff and talking to people. But when I lay down and it's quiet my chest hurts so much I almost can't breathe and crying makes it even worse.

This week can't be over fast enough. This was a horrible idea.