You have to act grateful for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you're given. Beggars can't be choosers. Maybe not, but beggars can be real people with opinions and taste.
People don't give to be nice people. People give to make THEMSELVES feel good. When we (the beggars, who, in most cases, are not even walking around begging but are just walking around not having what other people have) do not fall all over ourselves to act appropriately grateful, it does not make the Givers feel good, and they get angry at us.
I don't want a fucking prom dress that someone else donated that I should like because it's close to my size. I want to go to the fucking mall like every other girl and go shopping and find one I like and buy THAT ONE.
This is my junior year. I did not expect to be asked to prom at all. I do not care about it at all in terms of sentamentality (is that a word?). Fuck prom pictures. I already have the pictures that mean a lot to me, and though they're priceless, they didn't cost anything to get. You know, except life.
The boy who asked me to prom hasn't had a crush on me since 6th grade. We don't blush when we talk. This is not some magical night in my mind. The boy who asked me to prom is the boy I get my weed from. I know exactly why he asked me instead of anyone else, and also know he will pay for my prom ticket. I already told him I will meet him at the train station and will bring him a boy-flower.
He asked what color dress I'm going to wear; I told him I don't have one yet. It will probably come from Forever 21 because they seem to have the least expensive dresses. I will borrow shoes from a friend. He will provide the weed. The after parties will provide themselves.
But I will *NOT* fall all over myself to make other people feel good for giving me things I didn't ask for in the first place anymore. No thank you, my little sister does NOT need your torn undershirts with weird stains. No thank you, we do not need a scratched up frying pan. No thank you, we do not need you to save all your plastic bags to give us.
Aunt Elaine does not believe in throwing things out. I mean, that are hers. Alex has her lame magazine obsession. We are three girls in one room. We really do not have space to take your SHIT, just to make you feel good about yourself.
Throw out your own garbage.
3 comments:
I've grown up pretty poor. I got to go to college because I had a running scholarship, and lotsa loans.
Not my childhood, but what I learned at my college, which was a small tiny thing (less than 1000) was a communal living. We really did give because it was good and right. It was a constant giving, as well. There was a small group of use who really tried practicing open ownership. That meant that I could go to my friend Amanda's room and borrow whatever the hell I want. She could do the same. She was homeless when she wasn't living in the dorm, by the way
We acted like that because of love. We loved each other. We knew that we were lucky to be living in a dormatory where we paid once for a whole year and got as much hot water and electricity as we wanted. Yeah, there were rich kids at this school who had never share a room in there life, but don't think for a second there weren't more just like Amanda and I.
It was because of our poverty that when we had anything extra we tried to find someone to give to. Amanda was probably much better than I was about this.
Don't ever think that you'll be independent. That's a lie. No one is ever fully independant. It's not how we're made. You'll always be interdependant and that's a good thing.
Your goal is to find a community that is joyful about being interdepdant with you and you, in return, are joyful about sharing your "stuff" with.
All my formals are beautiful. I haven't bought a one.
wow the above comment was wonderful, however its totally understandable the pain and loss of not having the ability to just go to the mall like probably 90% of the other girls.and the reason for why that is,is heartbreaking to read. one time i gave a bag of clothes to my sons almost homeless friend.my son told me when he dropped his friend back into the city ,he and the friend left the clothes by a garbage barrel.i was hurt.i had thrown some really nice stuff into that bag and i thought the kid would of been thrilled.my son told me if i wanted to be generous that i could of offered him a way to earn some money instead of insulting him. there is this feeling of wanting to help.
wrapping your head around communal living is interesting. but i think that its percieved as being very different if you are not on equal playing grounds or at least near equal?
my son has alot of money. he works his ass off and is a hustler.just last week that same kid came out to visit and brought with him some shirts of his own that he knew my son would like.my son loved them.
i was like ...?????? then i got it.
it sucks that you cant just easily get the money to go get a dress.and it sucks that you dont have a love one to take you and indulge you.i dont know you but let me tell you,you are so so right. YOU are entitled to your feelings and even tho an offered used dress may have been a heartfelt gesture you should never be made to feel guilty.and if the "giver" is angry...was it truley a gift?
p.s.but i do still feel like i want to buy you a dress!maybe?
Wow, someone actually expected you to be thrilled about a hand-me down prom dress. That wasn't your correct size?
I have 7 older sisters, so trust me, I know all about the hand-me downs. I've also gotten good at telling them when something is just flat out not my style.
Now, if someone were to offer to BUY you a new dress that YOU pick out - well that would be falling over grateful.
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