The awful thing about having dead family members is that people outside the family can never handle it when you bring them up. They freeze, scared that you'll cry or freak out on them. It's very frustrating. Aunt Elaine doesn't want to hear about our mom or grandmother so we can't talk about them in front of her. Alex doesn't really remember Topher - he'd moved out before she was born, and barely remembers our mom and grandmother. Some of what she says she remembers, maybe she just remembers hearing stories for the last several years.
When we go to fire family dinners it's the best thing, because it's always somebody who worked with Topher. They will sit there and tell us story after story, and I never care if we've heard it before. They never worry about making us cry, and if something accidentally does, it's okay and not weird.
Hearing about how Topher was with people at work is great and awful at the same time. It makes me miss him more and feel closer to him. If he could come back to life, I'd love it, even though I'm sure he'd give me shit about a lot of things.
Like the weed.
Like Dani's stealing.
Like the wife-beaters.
Like the mild skull obsession.
Like the whole Tristan thing.
He wouldn't mind Josh I don't think.
3 comments:
I always imagine the things my sister would give me shit about if she came back to life...when I was a teenager the list was much longer than it is now since I'm now older than she was when she died. Many of the items on my mental list were similar to yours and I think I ended up ok :)
Glad you have the space to talk about and remember him in a good way.
Of course I can't say for sure, but I bet if he came back he'd be pretty proud of you. THEN he'd give you shit for those things.
I stumbled onto your blog and have been reading every single post :-). Hearing stories about your brother will always help keep his memories alive and it's great that you have people that can tell you those fantastic stories.
I feel the same way about my parents, who died when I was 12 and 16. I have a really close neighbor who remembers many things about them and I have always loved hearing her stories about them. It makes me feel, even to this day, that much closer to them or something lol.
You're a strong girl and it is a shame that your aunt has never put the effort into knowing you girls. It truly is her loss.
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