This is officially spring of my senior year of high school and my life totally sucks. Here is a list of why:
1. Everyone else is getting acceptances to their schools, like every day. I haven't gotten in to either school I applied to.
2. My english teacher collected our notebooks on Friday to grade our notes. On Wednesday two friends asked to borrow my notebook to copy my notes so they could turn in complete notebooks. One got a grade of B+, the other got an A-. I got an F. One of the requirements of graduation is four years of english. She is going to fail me and I'm not going to graduate.
3. Originally we were going to move out at like the end of August, like a week before my college (the one I didn't get into) started. Over the weekend Aunt Elaine started saying she wants us gone by the last day of school at the end of June. I freaked out and we had a big fight. Now she is saying we absolutely must be out by July 4th. I can't believe she's going to make me pay two months of rent by myself. Totally freaking out.
4. Josh can never come here. Most of the time if we hang out at his house, his parents are around. So he is totally excited for next year and wants to live together. I told him my sisters don't want to. Plus, he is one person, and I am three people, so I'd have to pay more rent than he would, and he will want to live in a much nicer place than I can afford. So like almost every time we are together, this whole thing keeps coming up.
5. Everyone is wearing really long dresses, like gowns, with very deep V's to prom. I am wearing the same dress I wore last year. It has a sweetheart neckline and used to come to right above my knees but I grew, so now it's even shorter.
6. I haven't told Danielle yet because I really don't want it to be true but really, I am sick. My chest hurt so much it woke me up in the middle of the night.
7. The cliches are true and some people are getting boob implants for graduation. I'm getting thrown out for graduation.
8. I totally hate my life right now.
3 comments:
The thing about english must be correctable? She cannot fail you! I'm so pissed on that.
Elaine---I loathe her...you should set up a "donate" button on your page,I think folks would love to anonymously lend a hand if you'd let them....living together while starting college while being caretaker of yourself and two other young women who are in school, sounds like way to much, I hope he can understand that. You will be parent to them and everything else that entails.
I loathe elaine, did I mention that yet!
When you say you didn't get in, did you get a rejection letter or just no letter yet? If no letter yet, you can call admissions and see if they've gone out, if they've made a decision yet? The not knowing I always think is worse than the alternatives. You can still go to school, don't give up.
In the face of adversity, you will prevail, I don't see another option for you, you're a survivor it's who you are. I have faith in you and will keep you and your sisters in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this, I know that isn't much solace, but know that those of us out here reading you are wishing you well.
That is a lot for anyone to handle! It would be totally normal to be overwhelmed and freaked out! You seem to be holding up much better than the average person would.
Definitely go back to your assistant principal about the English situation. Your teacher is clearly not grading objectively! I don't know whether you can reveal the bit about the copying, though. The AP handled the situation well previously and did indicate he was going to make sure the teacher followed through properly, with retroactive and future grading both, and I think he would want you to alert him. Man, a teacher who blatantly lets whatever other issues influence her grading to that extreme should be fired! She's messing with your life because of her own fucked-up agenda! What is her problem?!
At least with summer school you'd get a new teacher. Is there a way for you to switch classes this late in the year? Could the AP set you up with an independent study with a different English teacher for the rest of the year?
Combine the issue of English class with the issue of college acceptance and get the AP in lieu of your guidance counselor to call and find out the status of your applications. He can inform the Admissions people about the issue with your English class, explain that you are doing A-level work but he is having a problem with that particular teacher, so he wanted to check that it wasn't your English grades that were holding up your being accepted.
He can then take the opportunity to talk you up to Admissions, or perhaps if he has to send in documentation about English grades he can include a written recommendation. Sometimes receiving an additional recommendation later on can get the attention of Admissions in a positive way. If someone like the AP calls to check it out and chat, that will be impressive to them.
If you applied later to rolling admissions schools, you are simply behind others in line. Others applied earlier than you did so they are getting accepted -- or rejected -- earlier. You have to wait for others to decline acceptances until you reach the front of the line.
If both schools to which you applied do rolling admissions, no matter how great an applicant Admissions thinks you are, you might not get in if there are enough people accepted and deciding to go there ahead of you. Remember that this is not a reflection on you!
Do what you can now and then wait and see what happens. Worse comes to worse, you can enroll in a CUNY community college and then later transfer.
I doubt your aunt can tell you when to leave that easily. Perhaps you, but certainly not all three of you. I assume that any household assistance she receives is based on her having three dependants. She can't kick you all out and then keep getting money for you!
What other legal arrangements have you made so far about moving out and becoming legal guardian? About getting food stamps and housing assistance and such as the family that will be the three of you with you as the head of household? About no longer being counted as your aunt's dependants?
I think August 1st would be best for everyone involved. Your aunt would be wise to realize the consequences to her of kicking you all out before the end of June. I doubt your aunt has as much say in the matter as she thinks she does.
Josh is sweet and kind and good to all of you, and I am so glad you have him. Your reasons for not living together at this time, however, are solid and clear, and you are being smart. Just keep being firm in those reasons, assure him that you love and trust him and that it means a lot to you that he wants to live together, and focus on how great it will be that he will be able to come over.
The three of you have lived under the dysfunctional rule of your aunt for so long, and though Josh certainly isn't your aunt, you really need some time just the three of you to be on your own and make a home in the spirit of the home you had with your mother, without involving or depending on someone else.
It's funny, I actually do think you need to let yourself ask for help more often, whether Josh or his parents or Craig or your AP or fire families or your internet friends, whether for borrowing a sleeping bag or helping with some task or forcing your aunt to do things right or helping when you are sick, but at the same time as far as your new household goes, I really see that it will be important for you three to feel in control, to not go from depending upon your aunt to depending upon Josh, even though Josh is someone on whom you can reliably count, to make your own home, just the three of you who once lived together with your mother, to not complicate matters during a time of lots of change by working out how to live with a new person, even one as great as Josh, to have a handle on how you can do it on your own.
Can you set up a way for anonymous people to send you stuff? A post office box? Care of someone?
Also, for prom dresses, there are many charitable organizations. The problem is that most of the press, as it is for most charitable groups, is about how to donate, not how to receive assistance. And some groups have lots of restrictions or require lots of jumping-through-hoops.
But I found one organization for you, Catherine's Closet, where you will be able to get a prom dress for $20 cash with little trouble. It's in Newark, but that's accessible by train, and there are two upcoming dates. Go to www.catherinescloset.org for more information.
I am so sorry you are sick again. Probably it's more like you are still sick. Once you move out I think things will be better both physically and emotionally and you won't be sick as often. Also, please go to the doctor if your chest is hurting that much.
One more thing. Your mother was a seamstress, yes? Did you learn to sew at all? One wish-list item for your new home might be sewing supplies and even a sewing machine. Sewing machines are sometimes even available on Craigslist. I think it would be very helpful for you three to be able to tailor, mend, alter, and perhaps even make your own clothing.
Wait, Josh is going to college locally? For sure? Where?
See now, you will be moving to a new permanent address, setting up a year-round household with your sisters, moving all your worldly belongings there. This is different from someone "going away to college" and living in an apartment as one would live in a dorm while still having a home with his parents where most of his belongings will remain which he will still consider to be his permanent address.
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