Dying of guilt

Alex is not just the baby of the three of us. She is a baby. An 11 year-old baby. Al doesn't just need to sleep with somebody to fall asleep, she needs to touch something of theirs too. When Danielle goes to bed she always finds Alex with her hands reached over and entwined in her blanket. When I am about to go to sleep, first I always pick Alex up and haul her back onto her bed and off whoever's bed she's squirmed over onto.

Alex has never gone to the doctor by herself. I don't thinks she's ever put on her own bandaid either. Several months ago we started pushing her to cook dinner herself once a week, and she still can't do it without both asking for help and crying. Alex also doesn't go anywhere by herself. Maybe a couple of times a month she leaves school and comes to meet me at the diner on her own. This is always a big deal and Alex arrives looking shocked that she made it and didn't accidentally wind up in Jersey.

Today was supposed to be one of those days. Alex had a thing after school and then was going to leave and come to the diner. It was busy and I didn't realize she hadn't shown up until it was an hour after I expected her. In between seating people I checked with Danielle.

Me - Al's not here. ?
Dani - u should lev urly.
Me - ?
Dani - blood not broken.

I almost threw up right then. Why was there blood? Totally freaked out. I left work early for like the first time, saying I had a family emergency. The owner's wife was there, took over for me and I raced home. I couldn't decide between calling Danielle and staying on the streets to have reception or going on the train and not having reception but getting there faster.

When I got home Danielle and Alex were sitting in the bathroom and Alex's shirt was ripped, her hair was all messy, her face was all bloody. I couldn't even tell where it was coming from. I mean, clearly it was from her face but it was all over and Alex wouldn't let me touch anywhere. After like 10 minutes of yelling Danielle and I finally convinced her to put on a different shirt and Alex screamed through the whole process, and we took the train a few stops away so I could get us a taxi and go to an emergency room.

Four hours later we are home. Alex has two black eyes, a split lip, a broken cheekbone, and a bloody nose. They did not like me for an adult and called Aunt Elaine. I am not sure what she said but the guy nurse who came back was not happy. Of course I made things worse by standing in front of Alex and telling him not to take out his anger on her face.

The police came and Alex gave descriptions but one of the cops pulled me aside and said nothing was going to happen. Between not knowing the girls who did it, and not even knowing exactly how many they was, she said they did not have enough information. They asked really good questions though, even if any of the girls were in a uniform of any kind, if they were in junior high or high school.

We got some pain killers and Alex is not to eat anything salty or sour. I know it was free medical care so I shouldn't complain, but I will anyway. They didn't even clean the blood that had dripped - I had to clean Alex when we got home and she was half asleep. I don't think we're going to school tomorrow. I also don't think Alex will be going anywhere by herself for a long, long time. Okay excuse me I am going to go cry now.