Josh's mom (Laurie) to me: Why don't you make a list of what you'll need when you move next month and then we can start going shopping for things?
Me: Um okay.
Laurie: Ask Tom (Josh's dad) for the key to get into storage. That way you can go through the things from your mother to remind yourself of what you already have so you don't wind up with duplicates.
Me: Okay. Where is everything going to go once we get it?
Laurie: Oh we can just tell them not to deliver until the new apartment gets secured. We can also put some things in storage.
Me: How are we going to buy stuff while Josh is away? Shouldn't he get to choose too?
Laurie: He won't care. He's easy like that.
Laurie: I hope you don't mind my saying this, but would you and your sisters consider letting us buy you new bedding?
Me: Oh. Well thank you, but our sheets and blankets are totally fine. They don't need to be replaced.
Laurie: Somehow despite being laundered, there is still a lingering smell of cigarette smoke on them. Tom and I would be thrilled to start you kids off in a smoke-free environment.
Me: I hadn't noticed. Maybe we're just used to it.
I was totally embarrassed. When I told Alex and Danielle though, they weren't at all uncomfortable. Alex, thanks to her obsessive-compulsive catalog fetish, already picked out the new blanket she wants, but it is ridiculously expensive and I told her there's no way she can tell Josh's parents that's what she wants.
That is another thing. Some things, I don't know how much they are supposed to cost. There are trash cans that cost $5 and others that cost $140. How do people know which one is better? Why would you want to spend over $100 on something for garbage? Will it break? How do you even begin to buy bedding? Or a desk!
Me to Josh: Your mom wants to go shopping with me to buy stuff for when we move.
Josh: Cool, have fun.
Me: Don't you want to come?
Josh: No, I don't care. Just don't get anything too girly.
Me: Really?
Josh: Yeah. I'm not sleeping on pink sheets or drying off after a shower with a towel that has hearts and flowers on it.
Me: That's all you care about?
Josh: I care about having good food, not if the plate the food is on is bone china or something else.
Me: Okay.
Josh: If you don't know what to get either ask my mom or wait until I'm back and we'll figure it out.
Me to Danielle: Please help me. I am totally overwhelmed.
Dani: Let me see your list.
Dani: You're doing this all wrong. Plus you forgot a lot of stuff.
Me: Like what?
Dani: Trash cans? A tv. A desk! Beds! You need to put everything in categories. Like everything you'll need for the kitchen, everything you'll need for bedrooms, like that.
Me: You're giving me a headache.
Dani: You need a lot of help.
Me: Thanks.
Dani: Don't look so scared. I'll come up with a good way for you to properly thank me.
This is how I came to spend several hours today opening up all our mommy boxes and going through our old stuff. Some things still smell like her. There are dishtowels she and my nana hand embroidered. They have flowers though, so Josh will not like them. Maybe we can just get a boy-friendly dishtowel, like one in red or black or something to balance them out.
I didn't realize what was in the boxes. My nana's tea kettle is here (it has flowers on it - how come I never realized how many things have flowers before?) and I thought somewhere in these boxes was a set of dishes, but I didn't find them. How did I spend all these years thinking we had a set of dishes that we don't have? What happened to our dishes? Who has them?
There are a lot of photo albums and picture frames all wrapped in scraps of fabric. There are two boxes filled with cards and pictures Topher and my sisters and I made for our mom and nana. Who packed these? There's an entire box just filled with fabric. What happened to the sewing machines? The big hatbox that was filled with buttons?
I thought we had an entire house full of stuff, or really almost two houses full of stuff packed into boxes in our closet. But what we have instead is a bunch of stuff that is really nice to look at but will not really help us, except in terms of decorating. I want to make blankets out of all the fabric. Of course a lot of the fabric has flowers on it.
When we move I don't want to have to store ANY of this stuff. I want to be able to put it all out and use it and touch it and look at it every single day. I don't want to have to pack away the tea kettle again just because it has flowers and Josh doesn't want to use flowery things. I am so sad and frustrated and not happy at all.
6 comments:
I know that Josh said no flowers or hearts, but he does know that he's going to be living with girls and girls with memories. If you tell him "hey, we're going to decorate with the things of my mother - they have flowers on them." It shouldn't be too much of a problem. If it is - hit him with the kettle.
Second - go to one of the wedding websites like theknot.com or someplace that has a registery (haha like macy's). They will have a checklist for what one needs when they move into a new home.
Finally, neither of us have a clue how much Laurie wants to spend on bedding. Matt's mother just bought me a new bathing suit because I didn't own one and it cost more than any outfit I've ever bought. Basically, just tell her you don't know her budget and would like her to direct you to bedding that she thinks is good. That's what I did with Matt's mom and the bathing suit and any time she wants to get us stuff. (Adult bedding-complete sets- tend to run like 300 at Belks)
He'll get it-he sounds pretty cool. I think he means more like "don't drape the place in flounce and pink gerbera daisies 600 feet tall. :) They don't pay attention to most of that stuff anyway. Believe his mom. :)
It took me forever to figure out what stuff should cost new, and it really came down to falling between the stuff I LOVED and the stuff that didn't give me a panic attack at the price. Like sheets-I try to buy as high a thread count as I can, so I end up spending over 100.00 on a set, but you can spend thousands. The idea of cornering his Mom about the budget is likely safest. Have her take you to a store she's comfortable with maybe?
Accepting this stuff must be so hard for you. It would be for me..and even if it's not useful, reading that some of it still smells like your Mom...that IS useful.
And I have no idea if you can develop a lobster allergy. Likely is possible. :)
It's been so great to see how respectful Josh's mother has been towards you, acknowledging your authority as the head of your family and not telling you what to do, and at the same time providing for you occasional guidance and suggestions and ideas as well as some TLC and nice gifts, while being careful to avoid being offensive.
Dani has some good ideas for making the list. Why not assign her the task of creating it? Then you can finalize it.
The first commenter's idea of wedding registries as a resource is a good one. My guess, however, is they'd be focusing on higher-end items. You don't yet need, for example, china service for twelve or tons of barware. And you don't even have some of the basics, which a fancy registry might not bother to include. Perhaps the lists for college apartments and dorms would be helpful.
Garbage cans do not need to be $140. Those one are the Oxo ones? You must, however, get an Oxo vegetable peeler! The extra bit of money for the Oxo peeler is so worth it. But for most Oxo products, you'd be paying just for the name.
For many items, if you go with the absolute cheapest, you'll be getting something worth less than what you paid, something that will soon fail. Aim for the middle if you really have no idea, or middle-low if the range is quite wide. But think about what features you might need, how you are going to use it, how important quality is for a particular item, and such. Listen to your good instincts when considering items. And if you really like the aesthetics of a particular item over another, and the difference in cost is minimal, and it is something you'll have to see all the time, maybe the slightly higher price would be worth it to help your home feel homey and not utilitarian.
For the garbage can, are we talking about a kitchen trash can? I see also wastepaper baskets and the like on the page to which you linked.
For kitchen trash receptacles, think about how often you are going to be emptying the trash. Do you need a simple tall plastic one? The cheapest plastic might absorb odors more than the next step up, say, a Rubbermaid, and that Rubbermaid is not going to crack like a really cheap plastic one might. Will you want one with a lid? If you are getting a pet you might, or if insects could be a problem, or to keep the place looking and smelling or just feeling cleaner. If so, yes, there is more that could break, on a metal one with a good lid, especially one that uses a foot pedal.
For wastepaper baskets, nothing special is needed. Metal is sturdy but the can be noisy, and is aesthetically cold. A small plastic bin is probably better for a bathroom. Will you want separate baskets for trash and for paper-to-be-recycled in the bedrooms?
Continued . . .
. . . Continued.
The first commenter's idea of asking of what price range Josh's mother was thinking for bedding is smart. Or, ask her to pick out a few options for you of what she wants to get from which for you to choose the final choice.
Have a conversation with Alex specifically about using money wisely and what items she wants or feels she needs and what items you'll be looking to get for her in the near future and what items are not worth it at this time even though they'd be nice. Talk about quality and value and necessity with her. If after she's learned how to weigh all of these things there are still items she especially wants -- bedding, pajamas -- encourage her to save her own money for specific items. Babysitting jobs in nice buildings will be much less sketchy and easier to come by. Remind her of the necessities for which she will be needing to save money soon, and that spending on other items takes away from those funds, but acknowledge that sometimes it's okay to save for something that's not a necessity, to spoil one's self a little and just have something nice.
It's really great that you checked in with Josh. That's what a partnership is about.
The tea kettle and the embroidered dishcloths sound fine. Both are very special items. I am sure they will be special to Josh too. Neither are items Josh will be using in very personal ways. And the kitchen isn't being done completely in flowers. Just get more neutral motifs for the new items. And if the dishcloth embroidery is delicate and you are worried about preserving it, consider framing the dishcloths in a shadow box. But if you want to use them, use and enjoy.
A desk can be expensive. Some universities have surplus sales on items including desks. And a Craigslist desk isn't as potentially skanky as some other Craigslist items. A old flat door on top of short filing cabinets or even cinderblocks can serve as a temporary desk. Don't forget that desks can be full desks or types of tables. Also, remember that you liked it that time all three of you did homework at the dining room table? Maybe hold off on larger furniture until you know what the shape of the new apartment will be; you might end up arranging an area with a huge communal table, shelves and files for each person, and places for supplies.
You've gotten some good tips on bedding. Josh's mother is right about the lingering odor. Your sleep needs to be restful and healthy and comfortable. Pay attention to what fibers are used. The second commenter is right about the thread count. The cheapest sheets will have a low thread count and feel like sandpaper. The stitching might not hold up well and the elastic on the fitted sheets might not last long at all.
I'm so glad you will soon be able to liberate the contents of the "mommy boxes" from their boxes! And I am so sorry that going though everything brought up bittersweet feelings and raised so many unanswerable, upsetting questions.
Could it have been fire families that did the packing? Maybe some of the larger items like sewing machines and furniture were stored and used at the homes of various families. Ask your fire family contact person to find out.
What do you remember from that time?
I just started reading your blog a couple of weeks ago and have been going through from past to present. I'm not sure if you use real names or not, but I thought today's post was funny because it is the first time you've written Josh's parents names. My high school boyfriend's name was also Josh and his parents names were also Tom and Laurie. Odd.
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