Can Alex get a cell phone, so she can check in while in transit? I told Alex we'll find a way to get her a cell phone when she starts ninth grade, not eighth grade. I'm not agreeing to anything that costs money until we see if living this way costs us more or less.
Would the camp friend's parent or guardian transport Alex to the train to go home? Yes, someone would drive her to the train station on Long Island.
Would you meet her arriving train? Yeah, one of us would be fine with meeting her at Penn Station.
Would she feel secure about traveling herself if she could be assured of a specific plan involving all this? Not really. Alex barely likes to take a shower without someone sitting on the floor talking to her. She always wants company and never wants to be alone. Josh used the phrase "tough love."
Can Alex get a babysitting job for those weeks to help with the household expenses? I doubt it. She is not quite 12, and the only people who'd hire her are the types to live in neighborhoods that are unsafe for Alex to be at by herself.
Will she agree to take on the bulk of the unpacking and organizing to lessen the burden on the two of you who are working? She doesn't really get to agree or disagree. If we tell her she has to, then she'll have to.
Will you have more free time to spend with her if she does either of these things for the household? Not really. I mean, yes if Alex unpacks then I won't have to, but it's not like if she does it then we'll go to the mall and see a movie or something. It's more like if she does it then I'll have to hurry less to get all the shit done that I have to do.
Would you take Alex to the library local to your new apartment once you move and get her set up to take out books from or spend time there? She will know where the library is nearest our new apartment. It's a really safe area - totally safe for her to walk around and explore.
What it comes down to is that Alex wants to act like and be treated like, a big baby. I am getting really tired of it. Firstly, because she's been acting this way a long time. Secondly, because I don't have the time to deal with it. Thirdly, because she is not actually a baby. When I was her age she practically WAS a baby, and I WAS taking care of her. She needs to grow up. She just does.
You want to be treated like a baby? Fine, then you're too little to go to a party with boys. You're too little to go to a party so far away from home.
She can't have it both ways.
4 comments:
tough love, I agree, you all are in a situation that is different than the norm, I get her wanting to be having someone there with her, she is young, and the youngest...but we all have to grow up some mostly when we don't want to...give her a hug and pat yourself on the back for all you're doing to give her a good life. Sorry I don't have much in the way of concrete advice to provide. I hope things can settle down for you all a bit after the move.
I think you're right with your summary. If she wants to be a baby, then she forgoes the privilege of being a big kid. If she wants to play with the big kids, then she gets to act like one. Sounds like you've covered all the practical bases at least.
Obviously there are a ton of psychological reasons for her behavior (fear of loss, her mugging, etc). If she wants that stuff to rule her life, then she doesn't get to do the sleepover.
Tough love indeed. Sigh.
I could see why she wants to still be at Laurie and Tom's. Like I said earlier, I consider 12 to still be a child. So, actually, I wouldn't allow a 12 year old to go to a sleepover with boys present. Actually, none of my children under the age of 18 will get to do something like that. If you're not going to get her a Tracfone, you need to keep her close at hand. You need to remember this anytime you get angry at your sisters - just because your adolecense sucked assed beyond anyone's possible imagination does not mean you get to base the way your sisters are raised Do better for them than you got. I know you don't know how, but look at the way Josh turned out. He seems wonderful, and nothing you described about his parents was bad or wrong in their raising. Children aren't suppose to be dumped into the deep end and told to learn how to swim. I work with those kids. I think you take a little too much pride in your poverty and "unspoiledness". You don't think you do, but you have issues (at least it comes across in your writing) with ways that are different than what you are use to.
Be careful, you don't want to become bitter Aunt Elaine.
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