Josh has a lot of friends. So many that it has made me realize how few I have, and how not-close I am with them. This bothers me a lot. I'm mostly a nice girl - why don't I have any friends? Yes, I use my sisters as substitute friends, and the gap they leave I force Josh to fill. But that's not enough. I need to really work on this. Sometimes I have dreams where my sisters are away (like at college or something) and Josh proposes and I turn to tell someone who will jump up and down and scream with me, but there's nobody standing there, and I wake up really upset. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, Josh has a lot of friends, and another one is visiting Manhattan and he asked if she can stay here for the weekend.
She arrived last night from Vermont with real maple syrup, and a huge tin of cherries that she "picked up at a roadside market on the way to the airport!" We took her out to the Meatball Shop for dinner, then I went home with my sisters while she and Josh went out. It was a little funny telling her to have fun with my boyfriend.
This morning when I got up she'd made three different kinds of blintzes that were really good. We are meeting up for lunch after I finish work. Danielle was right - she is totally the anti-Andre.
3 comments:
How nice...a good house guest!!!!
What a difference from Andre the insufferable.
Sounds like fun!
As to your musings about your lack of friends, I'd point out that developing close friendships takes a lot of time, and that especially during the school year, it doesn't sound like you have much time for anything. Between school and HW and your job(s) and housework and your sisters and Josh, if you met someone you clicked with, when would you get to know them? Relationships like that don't usually sprout over a single cup of coffee or one Saturday night watching videos. I'm just saying that if you decide this is something that bothers you, you may have to make a conscious effort to adjust your scheduling priorities.
It is a good and rather enviable thing that your sisters are also your very good friends.
Feeling like one has no friends is difficult. Didn't you say, though, that you and Becca are still friends?
Josh has a lot of friends, but are any of them jump-up-and-down-and-scream-with-him (or the boy equivalent) friends?
You've had a lot of obstacles to making strong, lasting friendships -- huge upheaval nine years ago disrupting any childhood friendships, leaving a neighborhood that was conducive to meeting neighbors who could be friends for one that was much less so, lack of a parent helping to make arrangements, the living situation with your aunt making it so you couldn't invite people over, poverty limiting your options and opportunities, adult responsibilities taking up your time and attention, and perhaps your preference for privacy. Some of these have lessened now or are no more or moot, but one also spends less time with classmates at a commuter college than in high school, so forging friendships isn't as automatic or passive.
One idea: Decide that any time you find people with whom you'd like to be friends, you'll automatically invite them over for dinner first thing. It doesn't have to be a fancy dinner party every time, but you tend to have a lovely yet simple dinner most nights with your sisters and Josh in a homey environment that people especially students would enjoy, and this way you'd automatically have a first step and wouldn't have to think about it. It can be combined with hanging out after, watching a movie or studying. If you do it a lot and it's just casual, it won't feel like a huge thing each time and you won't mind so much if sometimes it doesn't work out so well.
Also, are some high school buddies home for the summer? You could have a little party. Even if not, you could call or text or contact them online or whatever just to say hello, if you haven't been keeping up with them.
And if you had any close friends when you lived with your mother, maybe consider trying to get back in touch. It can be hard to start again, but some friendships can do it easily, and from what you sometimes write, it might be nice to have a friend who remembers you from "before."
Alisha has good insights. She's so good at asking questions and making observations, not just telling you what to do! Very admirable. So, yeah, the above are only suggestions for how to get started. Do you currently try to keep up recent friendships, like ones from high school, by setting aside time to chat by phone or by at least sending e-mail occasionally?
Vermont Friend sounds great! How nice that you get to spend some time with someone who is nice and thoughtful like you rather than awful like Andre and Messenger Girl.
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