Trying to yell at your thief of a sister while at your boyfriend's parents' house (and trying to use apostrophes correctly), with them trying to stop you from it.
Alex has been there since I found out she stole. Which pissed me off to no end. I know people are asking her what she'd like for breakfast and not letting her lift a finger to help with anything. Yesterday Alex called Josh to ask him if she was going to get to come home before school starts on Wednesday. I told him to tell her no. Maybe that was a lie to make her upset but I don't care.
Josh's parents had a Labor Day party. When we got there, Alex kept looking at me, but not getting too close. She gave Josh a hug and I saw them whispering but am not sure what they said. My guess is she was asking how angry I still was. Very. I no longer need to be held back from punching her repeatedly until bones break, but it's still probably best she not get too close.
I didn't want Alex getting to have fun at a party, so I told her to pull her stuff together, strip the bed, go home and just sit on the floor and not touch anything. Hadn't realized Laurie was right behind me when I said this. When she started to argue and I turned around to look at her, Laurie took a step back. Josh pulled her away and later told me that it looked like I was going to kill her with my bare hands.
It felt wrong to be angry at such a fancy home, with so many people around. Basically sat around and drank for a few hours, and then left early. Parties are supposed to be fun and I wasn't able to have fun at all.
Tomorrow when sober, I need to call Josh's parents to apologize for being such a shitty guest, thank them for taking Alex for a few days, and promise to give back anything she's stolen from them.
3 comments:
I think if I were you, I'd sit her down and not let her move until she told you where EVERY PENNY of that money went, so then you know exactly how pissed off to be. Then figure out a way for her to earn it all back, plus interest.
I agree, she's got to earn it back someway, somehow and pay you back, with interest, not sure if bartering additional chores, or having to lose out on a function at her dance school that costs money are ideas that would work, but there has to be an educating moment here.
I feel terribly for you having to deal with all of this, it sucks having to parent when you're the sister. By the way, you do a great job at all of it, not that it's consolation, but you're doing a great job.
I'm really angry Laurie tried to interfere with your parenting of Alex. It's one thing for her to offer a suggestion while respecting your authority, but it is totally unacceptable for her to start to argue with you, especially right in front of Alex about the instructions you just gave Alex. Totally undercuts you.
I like Catherine's idea, and even further I like the idea of sitting Alex down and making her actually write an accounting of every bit of the money while you stand over her and glare. It would be much harder for her to stammer and lie if she has to write and calculate.
Lil' Sis' idea of Alex losing out on a school function that was going to cost you money makes sense. If it's something you would have spent the money on, if you already budgeted for the expense, then telling Alex you won't be paying for it after all and will be putting the money instead to her debt seems reasonable.
And anyway, why would you want to pay for her field trip or school dance? Why would you want to pay for anything non-essential for her, when you are missing the money she stole?
Bartering doesn't get you any money back, though increased household chores might be fitting as it addresses the issue of responsibility. Denying Alex other fun things also doesn't get you any money back, so it's up to you to decide what is and is not a pertinent punishment. Saying that Alex, for instance, can't go to a friend's home doesn't really have anything to do with her crime, but saying go to a friend's home because she has to go walk a neighbor's dog to earn the money she owes you is appropriate. She should not only have to find more babysitting jobs but also take odd jobs she might not especially enjoy, and if she complains that if she does them she won't have time to both do her homework and watch television, well then she loses television.
It's not that she should be living a life of luxury and be going to friend's homes (or Josh's parents' home) and watching television, but rather that it should be correlated. Your not feeling any more like doing anything nice for her could be correlation enough. Why would you want to help her orchestrate her getting together with a friend or let her choose which video to watch?
Sorry you didn't get to have fun at the party.
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