The aftermath of my life after 9/11, when half my family died. How I am struggling to come back to the self my mother used to love and be proud of while still letting myself grow.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
New levels of fury
Alex stole my dress money. I was so pissed off that I kicked her out. I am still so pissed that I don't want to see her ever. I can't imagine there will ever be a time when I don't hate her.
Michael, I doubt Sam kicked Alex out permanently. It might have been smart of Sam to tell Alex to get out while Sam was feeling such (understandable) fury.
Sam, you had said earlier that your sisters didn't know what had happened to the money. Did Alex not only steal it but also lie?
Maybe Alex felt that since this wasn't completely essential money (although Sam definately deserved it) and she doesn't have that much money usually (I'm guessing)...
Alex seems like a lovely girl otherwise, from reading this blog. I hope you'll get over this and it won't cause a rift between you two. It's money- not something worse- and she's young. You've obviously got every right to be angry though. What did Dani say to her?
I agree, every right to be mad. Still... would want to get under 'why?'. I agree with the speaker who said that from this blog Alex seems like a lovely girl - and she is your little sis. She needs you (and you need her). Try to take a deep breath and talk. Tell her how it made you feel that you took your hard-earned money. Try to hear how she was feeling that made her take it.
Not essential, what? This is more than it being just money. Alex knows better. Sam trusts Alex. Sam trusts Alex in the way that three sisters who have only had each other for almost nine years and have formed a special bond and know they are in this together trust each other. Alex was allowed to have a cell phone because in part she has demonstrated responsibility. Sam has worked her ass off to provide for Alex. Alex is not her kid, yet Sam accepted this responsibility. This is about stealing and trust and not being there for her older sister, about taking money Sam worked hard to earn and was going to use for something nice for herself that frankly is also essential after all Sam has sacrificed for Alex.
And Alex knew that the missing money was driving Sam crazy, that Sam and Danielle tore the house apart looking for it. And since Sam wouldn't suspect her sisters or Josh of theft, Alex set up a situation where houseguests might have been falsely accused.
Yes, Alex, of the three sisters, is the one who might be considered sheltered, is the one who is lucky enough to have been able to actually be a kid. So sure, maybe it says something, that Sam and Danielle have succeeded in raising Alex if Alex is acting in some ways like a typical young teenager. That's not much comfort, though. In fact, see above, that Sam did that for Alex, and this is how Alex repays her?
The only worry I have is that something really bad is going on with Alex that she is afraid to tell her sisters, and she took the money to take care of it. It sounds more like some weird impulse, though. Like one of those weird Alex things where for some reason she didn't know her actions or ideas weren't appropriate.
Alex will eventually pay Sam back. In that sense, yes, it is only money, not something irreversible. But it will take a long time for Sam to trust Alex again and perhaps to even be interested in providing for her.
Sam was sixteen when she began this blog. She was already Alex's de facto parent by then, running the household and working at her job and keeping herself and her sisters as safe as she could while still keeping up her schoolwork when most high schoolers would be playing sports or goofing off or getting some sleep. Alex has been slowly becoming more responsible for herself, earning money to pay for some of her own expenses and taking her responsibilities for school and for taking care of herself seriously, but it's clear she has not had to do as Sam has. Alex needs to really get it, what life was like for Sam when Sam was a young teenager in high school taking care of her baby sister. And what life still is like for Sam, a working college student in the real world, who doesn't get to have the carefree adventures that Alex will probably get to have during her college years, who has earned the little pleasures that she gets for herself.
I can think of no worse punishment for Alex than her realizing how she has infuriated, disappointed, and lost the trust of Sam.
Why even say Sam deserved the money? First of all, she didn't just "deserve" it, she earned it. Second, it is irrelevant, as it was Sam's money and not for Alex to take.
It's not like some grandparent gave Sam money and Alex was jealous. Or even that Alex could think it isn't fair that Sam "gets" to work and Alex doesn't, when any money Alex earns babysitting she gets to use herself however she wants while the bulk of what Sam earns goes to providing basic needs for herself and her sisters. If Sam had someone taking care of her basic needs and then some the way Alex has Sam, Sam could work less and still have tons more money for herself.
This is not for Sam to get over. This is for Alex to make right.
9 comments:
Oh, shit!
Stole and spent?! Gone?!
If this was my blog, I'd tag it ShitFuckShit
Why did she steal it?
I am very sorry.
Very, very sorry.
You have every right to be pissed.
But you cannot kick her out.
She has no place to go.
You are going to have to figure out how to make things work. You and she will need to figure out how to make things right.
Alex needs you. She cannot make it on her own.
Again, I am sorry.
Michael
Why would Alex do that?
So upsetting!
Michael, I doubt Sam kicked Alex out permanently. It might have been smart of Sam to tell Alex to get out while Sam was feeling such (understandable) fury.
Sam, you had said earlier that your sisters didn't know what had happened to the money. Did Alex not only steal it but also lie?
Can't wait to hear how Alex explains herself.
Wow. Shocking.
Maybe Alex felt that since this wasn't completely essential money (although Sam definately deserved it) and she doesn't have that much money usually (I'm guessing)...
Alex seems like a lovely girl otherwise, from reading this blog. I hope you'll get over this and it won't cause a rift between you two. It's money- not something worse- and she's young. You've obviously got every right to be angry though. What did Dani say to her?
I agree, every right to be mad. Still... would want to get under 'why?'. I agree with the speaker who said that from this blog Alex seems like a lovely girl - and she is your little sis. She needs you (and you need her). Try to take a deep breath and talk. Tell her how it made you feel that you took your hard-earned money. Try to hear how she was feeling that made her take it.
Not essential, what? This is more than it being just money. Alex knows better. Sam trusts Alex. Sam trusts Alex in the way that three sisters who have only had each other for almost nine years and have formed a special bond and know they are in this together trust each other. Alex was allowed to have a cell phone because in part she has demonstrated responsibility. Sam has worked her ass off to provide for Alex. Alex is not her kid, yet Sam accepted this responsibility. This is about stealing and trust and not being there for her older sister, about taking money Sam worked hard to earn and was going to use for something nice for herself that frankly is also essential after all Sam has sacrificed for Alex.
And Alex knew that the missing money was driving Sam crazy, that Sam and Danielle tore the house apart looking for it. And since Sam wouldn't suspect her sisters or Josh of theft, Alex set up a situation where houseguests might have been falsely accused.
Yes, Alex, of the three sisters, is the one who might be considered sheltered, is the one who is lucky enough to have been able to actually be a kid. So sure, maybe it says something, that Sam and Danielle have succeeded in raising Alex if Alex is acting in some ways like a typical young teenager. That's not much comfort, though. In fact, see above, that Sam did that for Alex, and this is how Alex repays her?
The only worry I have is that something really bad is going on with Alex that she is afraid to tell her sisters, and she took the money to take care of it. It sounds more like some weird impulse, though. Like one of those weird Alex things where for some reason she didn't know her actions or ideas weren't appropriate.
Alex will eventually pay Sam back. In that sense, yes, it is only money, not something irreversible. But it will take a long time for Sam to trust Alex again and perhaps to even be interested in providing for her.
Sam was sixteen when she began this blog. She was already Alex's de facto parent by then, running the household and working at her job and keeping herself and her sisters as safe as she could while still keeping up her schoolwork when most high schoolers would be playing sports or goofing off or getting some sleep. Alex has been slowly becoming more responsible for herself, earning money to pay for some of her own expenses and taking her responsibilities for school and for taking care of herself seriously, but it's clear she has not had to do as Sam has. Alex needs to really get it, what life was like for Sam when Sam was a young teenager in high school taking care of her baby sister. And what life still is like for Sam, a working college student in the real world, who doesn't get to have the carefree adventures that Alex will probably get to have during her college years, who has earned the little pleasures that she gets for herself.
I can think of no worse punishment for Alex than her realizing how she has infuriated, disappointed, and lost the trust of Sam.
Why even say Sam deserved the money? First of all, she didn't just "deserve" it, she earned it. Second, it is irrelevant, as it was Sam's money and not for Alex to take.
It's not like some grandparent gave Sam money and Alex was jealous. Or even that Alex could think it isn't fair that Sam "gets" to work and Alex doesn't, when any money Alex earns babysitting she gets to use herself however she wants while the bulk of what Sam earns goes to providing basic needs for herself and her sisters. If Sam had someone taking care of her basic needs and then some the way Alex has Sam, Sam could work less and still have tons more money for herself.
This is not for Sam to get over. This is for Alex to make right.
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