Something you hope to never have to do

I have only ever lived in boroughs of New York City. The idea of living somewhere that's not a city seems horrifying to me. Unless it's a place like Santa Monica, which I imagine has houses where when you step out of your back door (because I imagine the houses have them there) your feet are touching sand and the Pacific Ocean is right in front of you. I don't count Los Angeles as a real city because supposedly you have to have a car there. Real cities don't require cars. New Yorkers may be the only people who consider it something to be proud of - that they can't drive.

Anyway, I imagine that in non-cities, like farm areas or really suburban places, that people are grouped together based on how much money they have. Like all the rich people live in a gated community and all the poor people live on the wrong side of the railroad tracks. In New York it's not like that at all. Sure, if someone lives on the Upper East Side they're probably well off, but you can be a multi-millionaire and still be stepping around (or over) homeless people sleeping on your block.

There was once a guy, a rapper, on MTV who did an episode of Cribs or something, and he went in a limo to pick up his food stamps. Eventually it caught up with him and he got busted for it, but that's how New York is for the most part. Especially because you go to other neighborhoods so easily within the city. So yes, maybe you live in the shitty South Bronx, but you might go to school in a fancy part of Brooklyn. Then you go into Manhattan to buy food at Trader Joe's.

I think it would be easier to live in a really poor part of Indiana, where everyone around you is on food stamps. Then when you go to pay at the supermarket and your EBT card won't go through, the people behind you don't glare and start cursing you out because they know in four minutes it's going to be their EBT card that won't go through.

In New York it doesn't work like that. First of all, I think they purposely make that black magnetic strip on the back so it purposely won't work when you try to scan it. Mine never worked. The cashier would always make me scan it again, and then do it themselves, as if I was too retarded to know how to scan it properly. I always had to tell them it didn't work and they never just took my word for it. Then they'd always say "Press the EBT button" as if I didn't know it was a food stamp card and might accidentally press the debit card button instead, so that everyone else in line would know the person holding everyone up was poor, and of course people are poor because they're stupid, so stupid they need to be told which button to press. So humiliating.

I think it would be easier to be on food stamps if I lived in the Kentucky mountains. When I think of places like that I imagine there's a WalMart, and everyone buys everything they need from that store only. There's no WalMart in the city, so I've never been to one, but from everything I've heard about it, it's the absolutely most trashy place in the world to go.

So yeah I hope to never need food stamps again. If I do, I'm totally moving to a place where babies drink Mountain Dew out of their baby bottles and where you can wear wacky things in WalMart. Because I'm pretty sure I'd get fewer dirty looks when I pulled out that EBT card.