Maybe this is crazy but I want to do a Thanksgiving. Josh thought it was crazy when I brought it up at the beginning of the month. Even my sisters agreed, although maybe not as emphatically. Today Laurie called me, saying she apologizes about how last minute this is, but she told Josh when to arrive for Thanksgiving and thought it was implied my sisters and I are invited but she wasn't positive he relayed the message.
My heart kind of sank as I thanked her and rushed off the phone to get to my next class. It seems like every time we talk I make a terrible impression lately. I'm sure Laurie hates me by this point because she basically only sees negativity from me.
The truth is I don't want to go to Laurie's house for Thanksgiving. I want Josh's parents to come to our place instead. You can buy half a turkey at Trader Joe's, and I saw a really great recipe for mashed potatoes with chives and bacon. I had it all planned out in my head. I had a vision for how the table would look, complete with flowers.
Josh does not understand. He sees it as a ton of prep work in terms of cooking and cleaning, and then having to do hours of clean-up after everyone leaves. Also Josh's parents have professional help, and obviously my professional help consists of a 16 year old, a 13 year old and a boyfriend who apparently doesn't want to help.
Every single party I've gone to at Josh's parents house has been great. Everything's looked beautiful, all the food has tasted amazing, even the music is always perfect. But mostly, these other people did it. Laurie kind of ... oversees what's done. Somebody else is missing time with their own family to get a party ready for some other family. I get that's what catering is. I get that they get paid for this, and it's a choice. But I still think it's just sad. Maybe next summer I can ask if I can do Thanksgiving.
Last year I met this girl Kelly. She was friends with some people I talked to, but she and I never really talked. On Monday we wound up talking for a few minutes. As Kelly was walking away, I remembered Becca telling me something about Kelly like that she agrees with me on some obscure point that I can't remember anymore. Yesterday we stood around talking for like a solid 20 minutes. When we were about to walk in opposite directions, Kelly reached over and hugged me. I miss having friends a lot.
Today when I saw Kelly I didn't think and just asked if she wanted to come over for dinner. After she said okay I spent my next class writing out a menu and worrying about everything. When I texted Dani about it she wrote back, "Keep it simple, Stupid. I'll clean." So on the way home I picked up fancy bread and ice cream. Dinner was baked ziti with spinach in it, salad, garlic bread and ice cream for dessert.
Danielle kept her word by cleaning, and roped Alex into helping. They folded the edge of the toilet paper into this funny triangle. They set the table with two forks for each person. When Kelly got here she seemed surprised about something, but she kicked off her shoes and demanded a tour. We ate dinner and nobody embarrassed me, and then Kelly and I went into my room to hang out. Josh left us alone, and Alex came in once to say she cleaned up and was going to bed. Kelly left a little after 11pm.
Next time I will do it right - with more planning. Next time I will make the bourbon bread pudding I've been dying to have a reason to cook.
7 comments:
How would it be to call Laurie and say, "I'm sorry I was so rushed on the phone. You caught me by surprise. Of course we'd be honored to join you for Thanksgiving and look forward to it. Now that we're so nicely settled in our home, I had been toying with the idea of hosting Thanksgiving at our house. And I'd really like to consider doing it next year. It would really make me happy to host you at our house for such a special occasion next year."
And then, if you want, perhaps you can ask if there's a way for you to participate and contribute to the dinner this year. Is there a part of the meal you think she'd be willing to let you handle? Even when caterers are involved, it is special to have a few dishes or desserts prepared by a loved one. In fact, even if you don't want to get into all the stuff about next year, you should probably think about something you'd enjoy cooking for the event and asking Laurie if you can bring it.
Another idea is to do a tday dinner on Friday or Saturday. That way you can invited friends over (such as Kelly) and you can try your hand at some new recipes without the added pressure of it being THE tday dinner.
I've been married for 15 years and with my husband for 20 years. It took me a LONG time to feel like my MIL wasn't annoyed with me all the time for my negative attitude. Hang in there. It's hard on you and it is hard on her. She's having to give up her son. Now that I have a 13 year old son, I see my MIL's side of it more and more. *sigh* In-laws aren't easy. =)
Nothing to add that the two commenters before me haven't handled beautifully. Be kind to yourself-I'm sure she doesn't hate you at all. I would LOVE to hear how the bourbon bread pudding comes out. MMMMMMMMMMMMM
Its difficult for us to get to both of our families on Thanksgiving Day, so we usually go to my family on Thanksgiving, and invite my inlaws to come down over Thanksgiving weekend and have it a second time it at our house. Could you do something like that over the weekend? Or have it with friends? Or just with your sisters and Josh.
The idea of bringing a homemade dessert or something as a hostess gift is a good one. Bring the bourbon bread pudding.
I agree with all who have commented. AS for having friends over...they will like you and will hang out with you even if peanut butter and jelly are all you have. Look at how much fun the girls had with their sleepover and just a bunch of junk food. Go a little easy on yourself. Most college kids don't even cook for their friends! amanda in atlanta
When I was growing up, my grandmother always hosted Thanksgiving. It was the biggest holiday of the year in our family; more important than Christmas even. But after I got married, she was tired and nobody else seemed interested in hosting TG except me so I've been doing it pretty consistently for the past six years. I love doing it - it feels like I'm contributing to our sense of family. It's a lot of work if you make everything homemade, but the ready-made options that TJs has this year are AWESOME. I saw that half turkey, plus they have all those sides...it's pretty cool. I've gone back to school this year so even though I'm hosting again this year, I'm going to supplement with stuff from TJs and Whole Foods.
There's no reason you shouldn't be able to host Thanksgiving. I think that would be wonderful. The other commenters suggestions about talking to Laurie are really good. I think she'd understand you wanting to host people at your home. And I think if you talked to Josh about how you feel about it, he'd understand too.
Its your Italianess!! just like me we are pora so cooking is in my blood. My family decided to go out to eat at a restuarant for chirstmas this year (we dont do thanksgiving) and iv been terribly upset about it becouse I love the caos of cooking and creating something for the people i love, my sister in law can only think about the fighting (my sisters arguing about whos turn it is to make a drink or me moaning that no one ever asks if they can help clean up! My MIL never asks me or allows me to bring anything and it always annoys me, we also have never done a chirstmas/easter for them only ever done it there! Im sad that we wont have left overs or be able to bring any leftovers home but hey thats family! I agree that you ask her if you can contibute and I think you underestimate her idea of you, I think she understands you in a way like Josh does - they just have been doing it in a certain way for such a long time that they dont even realise there is another way. I know that Thanksgiving is a big deal were you live but maybe you should invite them for a normal dinner like anytime during the week too. then you can blow them away with your skilz!! ;-)
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