Monday, April 4, 2011

Yeah what they said

If you add up all your comments to my last post, then yeah, that's it exactly. Josh told me that Tom said I run us (meaning me and my sisters) like a well-oiled machine, and that Josh is the squeaky wheel. I asked if that made him feel bad, but Josh just laughed and said no. Almost nothing bothers him. If you put a fork in with the spoons it bothers me all day.

Today I asked Josh if he thinks I'm high-strung. (By the way, this was a mistake. This was just as bad, or maybe worse, as asking if I look fat. I do not recommend asking this question.) Whenever it feels like my voice would get screechy if words came out, I assume it's high-strung time. Right after asking, I knew that I wouldn't like the answer, and Josh didn't like that I'd asked. But he's not just a good boyfriend during the week, so he dove in and stumbled through saying no while he meant yes.

The only good thing about this mistake was finding out that I'm not completely annoyingly high-strung. Josh's assessments is that I have moments, or categories that I'm high-strung about, like spending money. He also decided this is directly related to my anger issues, that I get angry when I am not in control. Like when his mom swoops in to go through our clothing? Yeah, I am definitely looking into shrinking tomorrow for sure.


Mizasiwa said...

YAY - your back - i dont know if i was having a problem with my browser or something but i last got a post from you ages and ages ago. im so glad your feeling better (maybe not hundreds but at least its a start) Been great 'catching up' with you have a great week.

Anonymous said...

The key is to see a shrink that you like and feel compatible with.
Not all shrinks are alike (personality wise) nor do they all work alike.

thordora said...

One of the things having children gave me was the ability to let go-I had no choice but to cede control and run with things to a degree.

It was the best thing to ever happen to me.

Am I still needing to always be in control, always strong, always better? Generally yes. But letting go let me realize that sometimes, relying on someone else, letting them help-that it was a strength too.

You're a good mama bear. Time will help, but I think at the core, when events steal things from us, make us helpless to outside influences, we lock down and control what we can, especially the things we love.

Enjoy your shrinking. :)

OTRgirl said...

The shrinking sounds good, just to get some you time to think through things.

It's interesting that you now have many of the functional characteristics of an oldest sibling. I get really hostile when ANYONE tries to tell me what to do. I would have been furious is someone wanted to go through my clothes, even my own mother. I'll deal with it when I deal with it, thank you very much, now back the hell up.

But that may just be me...

It's the source of many of my conflicts with my husband, we're both the oldest kid. So neither of us understand why the other questions what we suggest or refuses to listen.