Thursday, June 2, 2011

I don't even know where Italy IS exactly

Anyone can find it on a map - just go to New York and then keep going East across the Atlantic and there it is. But what if something terrible happens and I have to go to Italy to get Dani? What if she dies there? If 9/11 happened again here it'd be awful. Beyond so totally awful. But I'd know how to work around it. If it happened in Italy though, I'd be screwed. I only know how to curse and say food words in Italian. I highly doubt that'd help me navigate whatever people navigate through when they go to a foreign country. How is Danielle not completely terrified?

Josh was all Team Dani about Italy. He even started playing dirty with the "What would your mom want for her?" shit. That was when I decided to kill him. Still can't get the stench out of the oven - that's the real reason I don't want to use it.

Of course Josh will be traveling through Europe for "a couple of weeks" this summer. But not for too long since everyone knows it gets unbearably hot in the summers (except in Portugal which again, everyone knows).

I just want to go huddle under the covers with Alex from now until when Danielle comes back. Maybe the entire time she's gone I can make her wear a little camera on her head so I can have a constant video feed of what she's doing. What kind of people even sign up to take obnoxious American teenagers for a month? How do we know they aren't child molesters or something? What if they drink soda all the time? What if Danielle gets her period and can't say the word tampon in Italian? What if everyone else knows something that I never knew to teach Dani? What if all the other kids are mean to her?


Mizasiwa said...

I dont have anything supportive to say other than im thinking about you a lot right now.

Lisa said...

Its tough when your babies grow up. But they do. And if something happened and you had to go to Italy, Josh would go with you. Or Tom or Laurie. You wouldn't have to navigate it alone. You could even call me--my husband is Italian (born in Naples, speaks the language.) You have a safety net, and you would figure it out.

That's what Dani is doing--you've given her a safe place to grow up, she has a safety net, and she's venturing out on her own. She will return to the nest.

Things change. That doesn't mean you are losing her. Things will just be different. You want her to be a strong, independent woman who can take care of herself. Here's a baby step for her to try being that person.

Her leaving for the summer (or for college) doesn't mean she doesn't love you. It just means she's growing up.

Kizz said...

Dani can handle a lot of this. Some of it she can learn and Josh and his family can help her. And some of it is just the scary shit that we can't help thinking when someone we love goes somewhere we can't control. If I win the lottery I'll take you and Alex to Italy to pick Dani up at the end of her program. Sadly that's not exactly something we can count on. I'm excited for Dani because this is a very cool thing and something she really wants. But I absolutely feel where you're coming from. It's scary.

Anonymous said...

You will survive. I think I recall you having similar anxiety the first time Dani left for a ski trip with her friend's family..

It's great to acknowledge your fears exist (not to Dani, maybe just to yourself and Josh or your therapist or someone else you can trust) like you're doing here in this blog (good work!) and then try to move past those fears.

You're allowing Dani to do this because you've raised her to feel safe and strong and capable of handling these new challenges. Again, good job!

It's just a bummer that she gets to experience Europe before you do. :(

Also - tell her how frequently you expect a phone call or email while she's away! You did as much for her/Alex when you went to Florida.

LaRita said...

You've been a wonderful "parent" for both of your sisters, and one of the biggest signs of success in that role is when you can see that you are working yourself out of the job. I'm proud of you... beginning to let her go is an incredibly difficult thing, but knowing that she's actually wanting to grow up is proof of how well you've done.

Yankee, Transferred said...

Geez, Sam, this is so hard. Dani will do fine, and you will also survive. And the likelihood of a disaster is very, very slim. But if anything went wrong, lots of people would help you.

When my older daughter went away without me, to Europe, for 3 weeks in high school, I came TOTALLY unglued at the airport after she went through security. I wept and shook. I cried in the car on the way home. I lived by the phone, waiting for her to call.

Does she have a cell phone? If so, call the phone company and make sure she has international service while she is away, even if it costs extra. It will give you peace of mind. But try not to make a calling schedule, because if she is with a group of friends, or touring somewhere and cannot keep the date, you'll be a wreck.

You will be surprised at the difference this trip will make in both your lives.

Sending big hugs.

Nina said...

I don't know exactly what the right thing to say is, but I just want to say that you will be okay. Dani will be okay too. Your fears totally makes sense and it seems disrespectful to what happened to your family to say that nothing will happen so don't worry, but the likelihood is extremely low and in the very, very, very, extremely unlikely event that something happened, you and your sisters have a support network that you didn't really have as young girls when 9/11 happened.

It's all a part of growing up (for you and her), but I know it's so, so hard regardless.