Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The real truth

Jackie is pregnant. She slept over, spent all this time here, and then didn't tell me until she'd left. So I gave her a hug and asked if she'd like some pickles or ice cream. What I wanted to say was that I was so sorry, but felt like that could be taken the wrong way somehow. Instead I told her to come over for dinner.

Me and my big mouth are so retarded - I told Alex when she picked me up at work, and didn't even realize until the words were out of my mouth that maybe I shouldn't have. Alex has never even considered being quiet in life - she truly thinks everyone is happy to hear everything she's got to say.

That's probably why she told Jackie it was good she's pregnant now, since she can get her abortion and recover in plenty of time for school to start up again. Jackie nodded, and gave me A Look. I told Alex to go away. She asked why, so I gave her A Look.

Jackie told me the boy wants to keep the baby, as a symbol of their love. "When the baby wakes up screaming at 3am the night before you have a final in your hardest class, because its shit itself so hard that all the poop has shot out of the diaper and has gotten everywhere will he consider that a symbol of your love too?"

I am a mean, mean girl for making my pregnant friend cry. I got her some chocolate pudding and tissues.


Anonymous said...


Chris said...

What do her parents think? His parents? Has she any help at all? Is the boy willing to take responsibility for his child, and can she trust him to do so? She probably needs to have a good long talk with the main actors here before she can decide what to do, and I think it's good that she has you as a friend.

On the other hand: Sam, I know your opinion on this, but you (yeah, Alex said it, but it's what you've been teaching her) are proposing abortion as birth control, not as a last resort in the case of tragedy, of any kind. Unless Jackie is very determined on her own to end the child's life, she will not thank you for talking her into it, and there's very little cause for you to congratulate yourself if you do.

Mizasiwa said...

- i dont know what to say!! its not exactly ideal is it But true to form you were being yourself. She wouldnt be hanging out with you if she didnt want your honesty regarding the situation. Good luck to both of you

Isabel said...

First of all, to Chris, if Jackie isn't pro-choice, then it's not going to matter what Sam says to her...she won't pick abortion. So relax. If she is pro-choice, then Sam's side of the argument is extremely valid and should be considered. Not all pro-choice people only believe in abortion as a last resort in a tragedy. It's just a fact.

Sam, what you told her is exactly what will happen. There's no point in glorifying young (and possibly single) parenthood. This guy can think a baby is a super fun little addition to life when he isn't the primary caretaker. Babies aren't symbols of anything. They're people, and they whine and shit and scream and are hungry and need need need constantly. And they never go away. Unless you're mentally and financially prepared to take care of another human for the rest of your natural born life, considering all options is the way to go.

I speak from experience. I'm a 30 year old mother of a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old. I haven't slept in 2.5 years, and I sure as shit am not taking finals right now. It's hard enough to drag my ass out of bed to get that paycheck from this career thing I've got going on.

I admire your honesty with your sisters. A lot of people want to live in an ideal world of puppies and kittens and happy thoughts. Having a baby because the guy that knocked you up thinks it would be a super cool symbol of affection is one of the most asinine things I have heard. Ever.

Rock on, sister.

Anonymous said...

What Isabel said.

Chris said...

To Isabel: I do think what the dude said is completely and utterly moronic, and saying it shows how unfit he is to take responsibility is the understatement of the year. I hope that what Sam said will prompt Jackie to consider things carefully and from all sides.

Implying that people who don't agree with abortion being taken as lightly as headache meds are ninnies who live in a fantasy world doesn't reflect any sort of truth, just your strong feelings on the matter.

Anonymous said...

What Isabel said. A symbol? The BF is a moron.

Chris, since you have NO idea what Jackie's contraception use was, don't presumptively describe this as a 'abortion as birth control'. An abortion is an abortion, no matter why, and it the pregnant woman's choice and no one else's.

Best wishes to Jackie, Sam, and she's lucky to have you as a friend. Read her Isabel's comment.

jwg said...

Sam, I admire you for many reasons, one of which is your honesty. However, I wish you would stop using :retard: and "retarded" as pejoratives. it's insensitive, insulting and rude and diminishes you as a person.

Anonymous said...

My guess is Jackie didn't tell you until after because she wanted to have a nice fun normal time before her life changes.

Ask Jackie what she wants. If she doesn't know, help her to figure out what she wants, based on her own circumstances, values, feelings, and desires. Then help her to figure out how to make what she wants work. Be realistic but positive.

Anonymous said...

Obviously being a young single mother is not the end of the world even if it is not ideal.

Sam, didn't your mother have your much older brother at a relatively young age? Weren't you all raised without involvement from whoever fathered you?

Anonymous said...

Unless you're mentally and financially prepared to take care of another human for the rest of your natural born life, considering all options is the way to go.

Or maybe don't have sex in the first place.

Anonymous said...

I thought pro-choice meant, you know, pro-choice, not automatic abortion. I feel sorry for Alex.

Anonymous said...

To Anon saying, "I thought pro-choice meant, you know, pro-choice, not automatic abortion. I feel sorry for Alex."

Given how blunt Sam is on all subjects, on the blog and with her sisters, I don't think anyone need feel sorry for Alex. Alex probably has more information than most girls her age, and would also feel comfortable talking to Sam about almost any topic, including birth control and sex. Feel sorry for those who don't have people in their lives who believe in information and education over a deficit of both of those things.

Anonymous said...

reality sux.
i read your previous post 1st & have 2 things to add my 2 cents to.
1. abortion is not a method of birth control. it is a final last choice that for many has been regretful. with that said, jackie is still a young one herself and the choice, with the rest of her life ahead of her, should be heavily weighted... in spite of boyfriend's thought of love child. as you said & succinctly put, the reality of a baby is not a lifetime made for tv movie.
2. my mom "taught" retarded adults when i was little. neither my sister nor i were allowed to use the word retarded. honestly, as a 5 yo it was really traumatic to come home to a houseful of mentally challenged men. as an adult i use the word retard. like you, it is not meant to be mean spirited. so, apologies to all who care for those who are challenged and take the word retard as an insult.

Yankee, Transferred said...

Abortion is one option. Very young, single parenthood is another option. Relinquishing the baby for adoption is yet a third. From my view of the world (almost 60, single adoptive parent to daughters who are now 19 and 23) all are difficult choices. Fortunately, and we don't know for how long, all are legal. Just be there for her and listen. No matter what she chooses, it will likely be a struggle. She will need your continued support.