Monday, August 5, 2013


I spoke with Alex. It was a really short conversation, and kind of ... surface. Do you like it? Would I like it?

She wasn't bitchy. "I missed your college graduation." When she brought it up, I was less angry about it than I thought I would be.

She misses us. "I have nobody to talk to me when I take a shower." "Their housekeeper doesn't cook our kind of food. I tried to make stuffed shells like we do with spinach but it didn't come out right."

The fight has gone out of Alex. Josh told me afterwards that she seemed hesitant, like she was scared of him being angry at her.

This is awful but I don't want to - I just want to live with Josh when we go home. Being here has changed how I see things. Josh got so little attention from me in New York, and he was so quiet. When he told me he didn't want to get engaged until we'd lived together without my sisters, I didn't realize how brilliant that was. We're both so different without them.

Going home doesn't really appeal to me. I refuse to go back to how things were. It really must be different. It has to.


Kizz said...

The year after college is so life changing no matter what. For you, with all these revelations it is even more so. I think that's good. Good luck negotiating what's best for your whole family. I'm so glad that you had your summer to get away and see the world and I'm glad that Josh is calm and patient enough to wait until he gets to show you why he thinks the things he does, not just tell you.

Nina said...

I'm glad this trip has given you the space to figure some of this stuff out. There's nothing wrong with you wanting to make a life with Josh outside of your sisters. And it seems like Dani might be ready for that too, at least from some of your posts. But I guess it seems like Alex will be the sticking point since she's still too young (and immature). Still, if anybody can find a way, it's you, Sam.