MITten

Mommy,

Remember when Alex was born and you said I was like a little mother-in-training when I helped you by taking Danielle to preschool so you didn't have to take Alex out as a newborn? I miss you calling me Mitten.

Aunt Elaine doesn't do any momming. If Dani or Alex go to her with a problem she just tells them to come ask me. I don't know all the answers they need. Aunt Elaine told me the only reason she took us was because it was enough we lost the three of you, we shouldn't have to lose each other also. But she said straight out parenting was not her thing. So it's become my thing.

It kind of sucks. It's really hard to be in charge of two other people. How were you in charge of all of us? I wish you could come back even if it was just for an hour. There are so many questions I have.

How do you decide how many things Danielle can do after school? I never understood that. As long as there's money I say yes to everything. So she still dances and she's on the basketball team. Alex is in a reading club and takes gymnastics. We laughed when she brought home the ditto about the reading club, because it's such a geeky thing to do. But Alex really loves reading so that's what she wanted. You would have said yes to reading club, right?

This year I did this international relations thing at school (it's over for the year now), and my shrink suggested I try track so I am. Some weeks when I see him we go walking while we talk. He said that running will help with my anger. Track is okay so far. When I'm running I don't feel like it's helping when I get angry. But I'll stick with it because I can't keep getting in fights anymore. I'm tired of it.

Love,
Sam