Mama,
Camp started this week for Dani and Alex. We mailed out their thank you cards for the scholarships this morning. There was a big fight about that because Alex thought they were supposed to get done before starting camp and Dani thought that was retarded - that you should thank them after you've started so you can explain why you appreciate it so much. It never occured to them to send each card whenever they wanted. Aunt Elaine pointed out they're not conjoined twins but they act like it sometimes.
There was a mad scramble last weekend because I'd thought there was a week off between school and camp but I was wrong. Camp has screwed everything up. There is almost no food left for this week - since yesterday. We have three chix nuggets left, and less than half a cup of milk. There are two pieces of bread left. Dinner is going to be very, very weird.
Aunt Elaine told me this morning we always eat more in the summer but I don't remember that. She said it's because Dani and Alex want to take snacks for the bus ride to and from camp. This is bullshit. I ate three strawberries for dinner last night because I thought we were ALL running out. Camp gives them ice cream at the end of every day for a snack. They don't need fucking bus snacks ALSO. I'm not going to skip dinners so they can have fucking snacks. On Sunday I am not going to buy ANY snack foods for the bus trip. I don't care that it's long and they get hungry and everyone else has a snack from home. Suck it up. I am really, really angry about this. I called Craig and left him a big voicemail.
Aunt Elaine gave me $20 to get us towels for summer, and I found a coupon so now we all have a new one. I figure I can use one of Wendy's towels when I have to take her kid to the pool, but in case somebody's gets stolen or is too wet for the next day, now we have an extra.
Josh gets back very late Saturday night. It feels like he's been gone for over a month. His parents throw a huge July 4th party every year. I asked if that's bigger than their regular summer weekend parties and Josh said yes. I can't imagine because I've gone to the weekend parties and those seem pretty awesome.
I am hungry,
Love,
Sam
Friday, June 29, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Super Huge Fat People
Mama,
Danielle and Alex wanted to watch the Shaq show tonight. I didn't know what they were talking about, so Danielle was trying to explain it to me but Alex thought she was taking too long, and she burst out saying, "It's the show with super huge fat kids!" Well alrighty then.
Am I the only one who thinks it's ironic that Aunt Elaine watches this and other shows on obesity WHILE she eats food?
Anyway, the show is about how Shaq is going to try to help these six very fat kids get less fat and more healthy. He took them to a hospital in Miami where each kid got an MRI and they could see pictures of the fat surrounding their organs. That looked pretty cool. I wish I could get that. All the kids cried and got really upset when they found out how serious the problem was.
But later when they were supposed to be working out, they weren't. It was sad. This one boy is a year younger than me and he has bigger boobs than I do. There was something weird about that kid - he was immature, but it went beyond that. Yeah. So we'll see if these kids lose weight and get healthy or what. The mom of one of the kids buys him fast food like multiple times each week.
At one point, Dani looked at me and whispered, "We could have been super huge fat people if we'd been younger when Mommy died."
You know what? She's totally right. If you hadn't taught me how to cook and look up recipes and follow directions that would totally be us - Aunt Elaine never cooks. Remember when I used to have to drag a chair over to the stove because otherwise I was too short? And that I was scared to pour eggs into the pan because I thought something hot would splatter on my hand and burn me? Thanks for forcing me to learn to cook.
Our fire family dinners seem to be on hold - everyone is going on vacations and stuff. Aunt Elaine was NOT pleased. I can tell she's going to be extra bitchy this week because we're all home.
Love,
Sam
Danielle and Alex wanted to watch the Shaq show tonight. I didn't know what they were talking about, so Danielle was trying to explain it to me but Alex thought she was taking too long, and she burst out saying, "It's the show with super huge fat kids!" Well alrighty then.
Am I the only one who thinks it's ironic that Aunt Elaine watches this and other shows on obesity WHILE she eats food?
Anyway, the show is about how Shaq is going to try to help these six very fat kids get less fat and more healthy. He took them to a hospital in Miami where each kid got an MRI and they could see pictures of the fat surrounding their organs. That looked pretty cool. I wish I could get that. All the kids cried and got really upset when they found out how serious the problem was.
But later when they were supposed to be working out, they weren't. It was sad. This one boy is a year younger than me and he has bigger boobs than I do. There was something weird about that kid - he was immature, but it went beyond that. Yeah. So we'll see if these kids lose weight and get healthy or what. The mom of one of the kids buys him fast food like multiple times each week.
At one point, Dani looked at me and whispered, "We could have been super huge fat people if we'd been younger when Mommy died."
You know what? She's totally right. If you hadn't taught me how to cook and look up recipes and follow directions that would totally be us - Aunt Elaine never cooks. Remember when I used to have to drag a chair over to the stove because otherwise I was too short? And that I was scared to pour eggs into the pan because I thought something hot would splatter on my hand and burn me? Thanks for forcing me to learn to cook.
Our fire family dinners seem to be on hold - everyone is going on vacations and stuff. Aunt Elaine was NOT pleased. I can tell she's going to be extra bitchy this week because we're all home.
Love,
Sam
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Congratulations! It's An Eleventh Grader!
Mama,
Congratulations to meeeeeeeee! School is OVER. I got through finals without having to get a new power cord (although I unplug and re-insert it about every thirty seconds). It is a miracle all my finals didn't kill me.
Josh is away on vacation with his family. Very sad. What the hell did I do all day before I had a boyfriend? Must figure this out. Today I hung out with Holly, Lars and Annika in the city. Much fun was had.
I went yesterday to meet my marketing teacher and her baby. The kid is almost three. Remember how Alex looked like a baby with her little baby pudge and how she toddled for the longest time, and then one day we all woke up and you and I agreed she'd changed from a baby to a little girl overnight? This kid isn't even three yet but clearly looks like a little girl and not a baby. She's actually pretty cute. My teacher said since school is out I should call her by her first name, but it feels weird calling her Wendy. I thought the whole summer would be chasing this baby around every day, but it turns out it'll be way easier than that. The country club has all these little classes, so I'll take the kid to swim class in the morning, then to play, then lunch, then she naps from 1-4pm, then we play some more, then I'm done!
I asked what's supposed to get done during the nap but Wendy just said to clean up from playing and maybe make a little snack and that's it. Yeah, so that'll take like fifteen minutes. Guess I'll get a lot of reading done this summer.
Love,
Sam
Congratulations to meeeeeeeee! School is OVER. I got through finals without having to get a new power cord (although I unplug and re-insert it about every thirty seconds). It is a miracle all my finals didn't kill me.
Josh is away on vacation with his family. Very sad. What the hell did I do all day before I had a boyfriend? Must figure this out. Today I hung out with Holly, Lars and Annika in the city. Much fun was had.
I went yesterday to meet my marketing teacher and her baby. The kid is almost three. Remember how Alex looked like a baby with her little baby pudge and how she toddled for the longest time, and then one day we all woke up and you and I agreed she'd changed from a baby to a little girl overnight? This kid isn't even three yet but clearly looks like a little girl and not a baby. She's actually pretty cute. My teacher said since school is out I should call her by her first name, but it feels weird calling her Wendy. I thought the whole summer would be chasing this baby around every day, but it turns out it'll be way easier than that. The country club has all these little classes, so I'll take the kid to swim class in the morning, then to play, then lunch, then she naps from 1-4pm, then we play some more, then I'm done!
I asked what's supposed to get done during the nap but Wendy just said to clean up from playing and maybe make a little snack and that's it. Yeah, so that'll take like fifteen minutes. Guess I'll get a lot of reading done this summer.
Love,
Sam
Friday, June 22, 2007
G-A-Double Y- GAY
Mama,Gay Pride Weekend is here! I am so excited. Danielle and I picked up gay pride t-shirts from the fire department for the three of us to wear this weekend. Oh, and today we successfully convinced Alex that boys get periods too. :) Yep, it's been a very busy day.
Love,
Sam
Thursday, June 21, 2007
She Was Doing So Well
Ma,
Aunt Elaine had a seizure Tuesday night. It was just a little one, but still. We had talked about going down the street to try walking outside and then when I got home Aunt Elaine just didn't seem right to me. Something was not right - it was like she was a tiny bit out of it. Danielle checked to see if she took all her pills and she had, but the seizure came anyway. So no outside walking.
Something is very wrong with my power supply - I think I need a new cord, because this keeps threatening to shut down. So I'm going to stop before it cuts me off, so I leave juice for another time. Maybe tomorrow I'll go see how much a power cord is supposed to cost. I've given up on getting a waterproof watch for the summer. I'll have my cell phone, and surely the lifeguards will have watches, right?
Okay bye.
Love,
Sam
Aunt Elaine had a seizure Tuesday night. It was just a little one, but still. We had talked about going down the street to try walking outside and then when I got home Aunt Elaine just didn't seem right to me. Something was not right - it was like she was a tiny bit out of it. Danielle checked to see if she took all her pills and she had, but the seizure came anyway. So no outside walking.
Something is very wrong with my power supply - I think I need a new cord, because this keeps threatening to shut down. So I'm going to stop before it cuts me off, so I leave juice for another time. Maybe tomorrow I'll go see how much a power cord is supposed to cost. I've given up on getting a waterproof watch for the summer. I'll have my cell phone, and surely the lifeguards will have watches, right?
Okay bye.
Love,
Sam
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
I Go Walking, After Midnight
Mommy,
Josh called me tonight and asked if I want to go walk across the Brooklyn Bridge with him tomorrow night. It would be embarrassing if I cried in front of him.
Love,
Sam
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Can I Be Jewish For Just a Second?
Dear Mama,
Because oy to the vey! My English teacher asked me to stay after class last week. I thought it was going to be about this summer, but she just said it seems to her that I like to read, would I like her to bring me in a book that has a girl my age in it? So I said sure.
I am almost up to page 350 and there are at least 200 pages left! I didn't realize what I was getting into when I started it but I can't quit because there's a murder and I have to find out why. This is the longest book I've ever tried to read in my entire life! Shit, I hope she doesn't ask me school-style questions about the book after I give it back.
Love,
Sam
P.S. Stopped in Origins today to smell their lotions, but they were all no good. Way too fancy. Oh, and thought they must be REALLY expensive because there weren't even prices on the bottles. But now that I went to the site for that link, they're expensive, but sort of reasonable for a birthday present. But I didn't like how they smelled anyway.
P.P.S. Josh asked me to the movies for this Friday, and said he'll send Alex and Dani to a different theatre if we want, so they can go out too. It's very weird having a rich boyfriend. Nice, but weird.
Because oy to the vey! My English teacher asked me to stay after class last week. I thought it was going to be about this summer, but she just said it seems to her that I like to read, would I like her to bring me in a book that has a girl my age in it? So I said sure.
I am almost up to page 350 and there are at least 200 pages left! I didn't realize what I was getting into when I started it but I can't quit because there's a murder and I have to find out why. This is the longest book I've ever tried to read in my entire life! Shit, I hope she doesn't ask me school-style questions about the book after I give it back.
Love,
Sam
P.S. Stopped in Origins today to smell their lotions, but they were all no good. Way too fancy. Oh, and thought they must be REALLY expensive because there weren't even prices on the bottles. But now that I went to the site for that link, they're expensive, but sort of reasonable for a birthday present. But I didn't like how they smelled anyway.
P.P.S. Josh asked me to the movies for this Friday, and said he'll send Alex and Dani to a different theatre if we want, so they can go out too. It's very weird having a rich boyfriend. Nice, but weird.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Maybe, Thank You
Mommy,
Remember your Ahava that I took? Apparently hand lotion can go bad if you keep it for too many years. I needed some you yesterday so I put some on but it doesn't smell right anymore. Now I don't know if I should buy a new one, which will smell different because they changed it a little bit, or keep yours because it's yours even though it's gone bad. Will have to think about this some more.
Craig came Friday after work and Aunt Elaine welcomed him in like she has people knocking on the door every day. He acted like everything was totally normal and he was happy to see her doing so well, and she totally played it up. What. Ever.
Then he asked if he could see our room and as we were walking down the hall Aunt Elaine said something about how she told us to clean up but we barely did anything. Danielle turned around and gave this Glare of Death - we fucking busted our asses trying to clean up and throw out anything we don't need. We stayed up late cleaning every single thing and organizing.
It was very cramped with Aunt Elaine standing in the doorway (I think she didn't want to leave us alone with Craig) and him and us in our room. Craig said we need clear paths from our beds to the windows and the bedroom door, and asked Alex for paper. He drew all our furniture in a different way and it blew my mind. We took everything out into the hallway that was little and Craig helped us push the mattresses all to one corner. Now all the furniture is in the diagonal other corner and the little stuff lines the other walls. SO MUCH FLOOR SPACE NOW! I can't believe I couldn't see to move everything that way myself.
Alex loves it - she calls it our bed corner and it's really cozy. We lined up all our guys along both walls and now we won't be stepping on fallen stuffed animals each morning since they won't fall out of bed anymore. Craig also took everything down from the closet and put up our Brooklyn stuff on top of the closet shelf so it's out of the way. We're going to get boxes for the closet floor and put them on their side along the bottom to put all the crap in so we can get to it. Dani told Craig if he ever gets tired of shrinking he could become an interior designer, and she's completely right.
He left us to clean up and went to talk to Aunt Elaine privately but you know we totally listened. The good thing with Craig is he doesn't say that Alex and Dani aren't his problem - he takes us as a group. Not every time I go to be shrunk, but with the house problems. Aunt Elaine said she wasn't really wanted when Craig asked if she was able to make it to the dance recital. He gave her a hard time about that, saying if she's asked, she's wanted, and it's Dani's way of reaching out and all that. Craig also said that even though I'm the one with the biggest mouth and have gotten in the most trouble, Danielle's the one he's most worried about. I demand attention by getting in trouble, and Alex is the baby so she gets attention and Dani is just over-looked. He said she's the one most likely to go wherever she gets attention even if it's bad attention. :( Poor Danielle is destined to be a crack whore.
I don't know if I agree with that. Craig told Aunt Elaine that we very much feel unsupported by her and that we can see she does the absolute bare minimum for us. She said she never planned to have kids because she doesn't like them and Craig interrupted and was like, "Yeah, they've received that message loud and clear." YESSSS!!! He told her we're all smart (I'm so happy for Alex she heard that, it made her so, so happy) and are capable of having normal conversations about adult things. Craig also told Aunt Elaine that he'd be happy to look into getting her some help with the house, for things like shopping and cleaning and that if those aren't on us to do we'll be less resentful of her.
Aunt Elaine sounded kind of offended and insisted we're fine and don't need help. Craig kind of refused to listen to her and was like, "I'll just find out what services are available to you, and then we can take the next step later." I wonder if we can out-vote her. She asked if he can get us to be less difficult and said we're very secretive (what, she's worried we're planning a coup?) and Craig said it was his understanding that she encourages us to do our own thing and not spend time with her. He was like "It's on you, as the adult to invite them into your world and to encourage them to invite you into theirs. It's up to you to ask why they insist on a certain brand of milk and why they like specific foods. If you ask, they'll talk to you. They just don't feel like you want to know anything. You've spend years creating an environment and they're just responding to it."
Umm... I don't really want to be in Aunt Elaine's world of tv watching all day. And we just want the healthy milk from the cows that don't get hormones like you taught me. So that's it. It went better than I thought really - I thought Aunt Elaine would scream at Craig if she even let him in. Alex was sad he wouldn't stay for dinner. I'm really happy about how our room looks. All our beds are smushed together in a corner now and it really is very cozy. Oh and when Craig left, he said he'll come back to visit another time and Aunt Elaine didn't say no. So maybe the seal is broken.
I think I'm going to keep your Ahava for a while, but I might not use it anymore.
Love,
Sam
Remember your Ahava that I took? Apparently hand lotion can go bad if you keep it for too many years. I needed some you yesterday so I put some on but it doesn't smell right anymore. Now I don't know if I should buy a new one, which will smell different because they changed it a little bit, or keep yours because it's yours even though it's gone bad. Will have to think about this some more.
Craig came Friday after work and Aunt Elaine welcomed him in like she has people knocking on the door every day. He acted like everything was totally normal and he was happy to see her doing so well, and she totally played it up. What. Ever.
Then he asked if he could see our room and as we were walking down the hall Aunt Elaine said something about how she told us to clean up but we barely did anything. Danielle turned around and gave this Glare of Death - we fucking busted our asses trying to clean up and throw out anything we don't need. We stayed up late cleaning every single thing and organizing.
It was very cramped with Aunt Elaine standing in the doorway (I think she didn't want to leave us alone with Craig) and him and us in our room. Craig said we need clear paths from our beds to the windows and the bedroom door, and asked Alex for paper. He drew all our furniture in a different way and it blew my mind. We took everything out into the hallway that was little and Craig helped us push the mattresses all to one corner. Now all the furniture is in the diagonal other corner and the little stuff lines the other walls. SO MUCH FLOOR SPACE NOW! I can't believe I couldn't see to move everything that way myself.
Alex loves it - she calls it our bed corner and it's really cozy. We lined up all our guys along both walls and now we won't be stepping on fallen stuffed animals each morning since they won't fall out of bed anymore. Craig also took everything down from the closet and put up our Brooklyn stuff on top of the closet shelf so it's out of the way. We're going to get boxes for the closet floor and put them on their side along the bottom to put all the crap in so we can get to it. Dani told Craig if he ever gets tired of shrinking he could become an interior designer, and she's completely right.
He left us to clean up and went to talk to Aunt Elaine privately but you know we totally listened. The good thing with Craig is he doesn't say that Alex and Dani aren't his problem - he takes us as a group. Not every time I go to be shrunk, but with the house problems. Aunt Elaine said she wasn't really wanted when Craig asked if she was able to make it to the dance recital. He gave her a hard time about that, saying if she's asked, she's wanted, and it's Dani's way of reaching out and all that. Craig also said that even though I'm the one with the biggest mouth and have gotten in the most trouble, Danielle's the one he's most worried about. I demand attention by getting in trouble, and Alex is the baby so she gets attention and Dani is just over-looked. He said she's the one most likely to go wherever she gets attention even if it's bad attention. :( Poor Danielle is destined to be a crack whore.
I don't know if I agree with that. Craig told Aunt Elaine that we very much feel unsupported by her and that we can see she does the absolute bare minimum for us. She said she never planned to have kids because she doesn't like them and Craig interrupted and was like, "Yeah, they've received that message loud and clear." YESSSS!!! He told her we're all smart (I'm so happy for Alex she heard that, it made her so, so happy) and are capable of having normal conversations about adult things. Craig also told Aunt Elaine that he'd be happy to look into getting her some help with the house, for things like shopping and cleaning and that if those aren't on us to do we'll be less resentful of her.
Aunt Elaine sounded kind of offended and insisted we're fine and don't need help. Craig kind of refused to listen to her and was like, "I'll just find out what services are available to you, and then we can take the next step later." I wonder if we can out-vote her. She asked if he can get us to be less difficult and said we're very secretive (what, she's worried we're planning a coup?) and Craig said it was his understanding that she encourages us to do our own thing and not spend time with her. He was like "It's on you, as the adult to invite them into your world and to encourage them to invite you into theirs. It's up to you to ask why they insist on a certain brand of milk and why they like specific foods. If you ask, they'll talk to you. They just don't feel like you want to know anything. You've spend years creating an environment and they're just responding to it."
Umm... I don't really want to be in Aunt Elaine's world of tv watching all day. And we just want the healthy milk from the cows that don't get hormones like you taught me. So that's it. It went better than I thought really - I thought Aunt Elaine would scream at Craig if she even let him in. Alex was sad he wouldn't stay for dinner. I'm really happy about how our room looks. All our beds are smushed together in a corner now and it really is very cozy. Oh and when Craig left, he said he'll come back to visit another time and Aunt Elaine didn't say no. So maybe the seal is broken.
I think I'm going to keep your Ahava for a while, but I might not use it anymore.
Love,
Sam
Friday, June 15, 2007
Hide Your Crackpipe
Ma,
Craig is COMING OVER! Today. INSIDE. I'm very excited. He'd asked me a while ago to take pictures of my room so I borrowed Josh's camera and brought it on Monday. Craig said he thinks having so much stuff is on the floor is a fire hazard. He told me a while ago it sounded like there wasn't enough floor space.
He called Aunt Elaine Tuesday and told her he wanted to make sure we're not creating a fire hazard and she tried to play it off like we're messy. But aside from the piles of stuff all over the floor, we're really not that messy. All our Brooklyn stuff used to be under the bed.
Yesterday Craig said he'll come tomorrow (today, duh) and while he's here, talk Aunt Elaine into helping us get free beds off Craigslist and see about breaking the no-friends-over seal.
Alex had come with me and she asked if he'll bring his baby but he said no, and I'm glad, even though Alex wasn't. But all that smokey air can't be good for a baby with tiny lungs. Then Al asked if Craig will stay for dinner. Poor Alex, she just wants to keep him over as long as possible.
Yesterday we did major cleaning and now you could eat off the kitchen floor. Aunt Elaine made Alex throw out a lot of her catalogs and she cried, saying it's not fair because they all fit inside where we said they have to fit into. I didn't tell Aunt Elaine that Craig already knows about Alex's catalog obsession and has seen pictures of it because she'd get really angry - the whole point of throwing them out was to make our room look less cluttered. We had to put all our shoes in a shopping bag because Aunt Elaine didn't like how they looked on the floor and there's no room in the closet. She is VERY upset that he's coming over and all week she's been trying to smoke out the window more, instead of just near the window to make it less smokey.
Aunt Elaine would fire Craig if she could. She told me she'd better not find out I've been lying to him, but I don't - I only lie to her. She never believes me when I tell the truth, so why would I feel bad about lying to her?
I keep trying to be very calm but really I'm just as excited as Alex and want to jump up and down too. Beds, beds, beds!!!!!
Love,
Sam
Craig is COMING OVER! Today. INSIDE. I'm very excited. He'd asked me a while ago to take pictures of my room so I borrowed Josh's camera and brought it on Monday. Craig said he thinks having so much stuff is on the floor is a fire hazard. He told me a while ago it sounded like there wasn't enough floor space.
He called Aunt Elaine Tuesday and told her he wanted to make sure we're not creating a fire hazard and she tried to play it off like we're messy. But aside from the piles of stuff all over the floor, we're really not that messy. All our Brooklyn stuff used to be under the bed.
Yesterday Craig said he'll come tomorrow (today, duh) and while he's here, talk Aunt Elaine into helping us get free beds off Craigslist and see about breaking the no-friends-over seal.
Alex had come with me and she asked if he'll bring his baby but he said no, and I'm glad, even though Alex wasn't. But all that smokey air can't be good for a baby with tiny lungs. Then Al asked if Craig will stay for dinner. Poor Alex, she just wants to keep him over as long as possible.
Yesterday we did major cleaning and now you could eat off the kitchen floor. Aunt Elaine made Alex throw out a lot of her catalogs and she cried, saying it's not fair because they all fit inside where we said they have to fit into. I didn't tell Aunt Elaine that Craig already knows about Alex's catalog obsession and has seen pictures of it because she'd get really angry - the whole point of throwing them out was to make our room look less cluttered. We had to put all our shoes in a shopping bag because Aunt Elaine didn't like how they looked on the floor and there's no room in the closet. She is VERY upset that he's coming over and all week she's been trying to smoke out the window more, instead of just near the window to make it less smokey.
Aunt Elaine would fire Craig if she could. She told me she'd better not find out I've been lying to him, but I don't - I only lie to her. She never believes me when I tell the truth, so why would I feel bad about lying to her?
I keep trying to be very calm but really I'm just as excited as Alex and want to jump up and down too. Beds, beds, beds!!!!!
Love,
Sam
Thursday, June 14, 2007
I Am Not the Dead Parent Ambassador
Mama,
This girl Holly's boyfriend's dad died. She came to talk to me about it, even though we're not really friends. The only reason Holly came to talk to me is because of you and Christopher. She wanted me to tell her what to do. What he'd want from her. Like I'd know because it's the same when any parent dies? I was really pissed and was about to go off on Holly but then she fucking CRIED. At my lunch table!
I didn't sign up to be the poster child for dead parents. Not everybody feels the same. I'm sure there are some people who hate their parents and are happy when they die. This kid knew his dad was dying. I had no warning. Maybe he got to have important talks with his dad before he died. I can't know what she should say to him.
I am not pleased.
Love,
Sam
This girl Holly's boyfriend's dad died. She came to talk to me about it, even though we're not really friends. The only reason Holly came to talk to me is because of you and Christopher. She wanted me to tell her what to do. What he'd want from her. Like I'd know because it's the same when any parent dies? I was really pissed and was about to go off on Holly but then she fucking CRIED. At my lunch table!
I didn't sign up to be the poster child for dead parents. Not everybody feels the same. I'm sure there are some people who hate their parents and are happy when they die. This kid knew his dad was dying. I had no warning. Maybe he got to have important talks with his dad before he died. I can't know what she should say to him.
I am not pleased.
Love,
Sam
Monday, June 11, 2007
Saving Craig
Mama,
I haven't felt like writing lately and have been super busy. This weekend was Danielle's dance recital. She invited Aunt Elaine but she didn't come. We brought Dani flowers and Alex took us out for ices afterwards. The head of the school announced to everybody that they accept donations of old dance clothes that are too small so next week I'm going to check if they got any for Alex and Dani for camp. They have to wear them five days a week so if we get two sets for each we can wash one while they wear the other one.
This weekend was also the going-away party for my friend who's moving. Even though she's not moving until school ends. It was fun, and this girl who has twin babies was there too, and the babies were cute. They're seven months old and fraternal and were happy the whole time. This girl Michelle brought some kind of dip she made at home, and after the party I heard she got sick from her own dip. I didn't eat any.
Today was my college meeting. He kept trying to tell me cosmotology would be best for me because I could start earning money sooner and I kept saying no. The AP finally had to say, "I think it's been well established Sam is on the road to college, so why don't we focus on what she needs to do to get there." I knew it was a good idea to ask him to come. Then, like Makesha had given him a script, he asked if I have any ideas of where I want to go, and suggested Rutgers. I told him, "I hate New Jersey." He said I should go check it out. I said that although I can go out of state, my 9/11 scholarships will pay for more school if I stay within the SUNY/CUNY systems. I also said that I want to avoid culture shock so I want to go to college in a city, but I don't really care which one.
The AP made a good point - that maybe I should consider CUNY schools if I plan to have my sisters living with me, so they can stay in their schools and not have to change. I kind of had in my head all along that I'd go upstate somewhere and there'd be green, rolling hills with buildings at the tops of them - maybe because that's what all college brochures look like. But staying local might be a good idea. The AP also said I should keep Northern California in mind for college. He said it meets none of my personal criteria, but he has a feeling about that area for me, and I should consider it. Ummm ... sure. I know NOTHING about Northern California.
After a while, it was like the meeting was just supposed to be between me and the AP and my guidance counselor was just there to observe. We went over which AP finals I should take and he wrote out a schedule for next year that I should have based on passing everything this year. I feel like it's official now - like I'm in the car on the road to college (in my mind, the road is cobblestone).
Here's the funny thing - when I met with Craig today and told him about my college meeting, he said he could TOTALLY see me in CA! He got all excited and said I would love it, and if I ever have an opportunity to go out there, I should jump at it, that it's perfect for me. I don't get these people - what's so great about California?
Craig also told me he's working on getting Aunt Elaine somebody, kind of like a case worker, and that the person won't be connected to him, so she won't feel like I told on her. Somebody to make sure she's getting all the stuff she needs. He said it's a huge problem that she's not going out OR letting anybody in. That one or the other needs to change. Craig said it'll take a couple of weeks, but his goal is to get her to let people in the house, and then if he needs to, he will personally deliver us beds this summer. He also wants to get her a home health aide who comes a few times a week. Craig said on paper it'll be for Aunt Elaine, but in reality it'll help me a lot, because that person will go food shopping and cook dinner and clean and do a lot of stuff I do. I asked if they'll get us our special milk or if it's like WIC, where you can't pick which brands of things you want. I'd rather not be a beggar if I can't be a chooser.
He said he's not signing us up for WIC, and we can probably go food shopping with the person to show her our brands. That this won't give us money, but services. This could be really, really good. If the person can convince Aunt Elaine to open the door.
I told Craig that Aunt Elaine's leg is still swollen, her knee isn't getting better, that she still can't really walk without using a walker. She doesn't do her physical therapy, even though Alex offers to do it with her every day. Her leg is swollen because she's supposed to put it up higher than her heart, which means she has to lay in bed and put it on pillows, but she doesn't do that. Craig said he's not sure he can do anything about that without jeopardizing us staying with Aunt Elaine, so he'll look into it, but I shouldn't expect anything.
It feels like stuff is happening finally. Cautiously hopeful.
Love,
Sam
I haven't felt like writing lately and have been super busy. This weekend was Danielle's dance recital. She invited Aunt Elaine but she didn't come. We brought Dani flowers and Alex took us out for ices afterwards. The head of the school announced to everybody that they accept donations of old dance clothes that are too small so next week I'm going to check if they got any for Alex and Dani for camp. They have to wear them five days a week so if we get two sets for each we can wash one while they wear the other one.
This weekend was also the going-away party for my friend who's moving. Even though she's not moving until school ends. It was fun, and this girl who has twin babies was there too, and the babies were cute. They're seven months old and fraternal and were happy the whole time. This girl Michelle brought some kind of dip she made at home, and after the party I heard she got sick from her own dip. I didn't eat any.
Today was my college meeting. He kept trying to tell me cosmotology would be best for me because I could start earning money sooner and I kept saying no. The AP finally had to say, "I think it's been well established Sam is on the road to college, so why don't we focus on what she needs to do to get there." I knew it was a good idea to ask him to come. Then, like Makesha had given him a script, he asked if I have any ideas of where I want to go, and suggested Rutgers. I told him, "I hate New Jersey." He said I should go check it out. I said that although I can go out of state, my 9/11 scholarships will pay for more school if I stay within the SUNY/CUNY systems. I also said that I want to avoid culture shock so I want to go to college in a city, but I don't really care which one.
The AP made a good point - that maybe I should consider CUNY schools if I plan to have my sisters living with me, so they can stay in their schools and not have to change. I kind of had in my head all along that I'd go upstate somewhere and there'd be green, rolling hills with buildings at the tops of them - maybe because that's what all college brochures look like. But staying local might be a good idea. The AP also said I should keep Northern California in mind for college. He said it meets none of my personal criteria, but he has a feeling about that area for me, and I should consider it. Ummm ... sure. I know NOTHING about Northern California.
After a while, it was like the meeting was just supposed to be between me and the AP and my guidance counselor was just there to observe. We went over which AP finals I should take and he wrote out a schedule for next year that I should have based on passing everything this year. I feel like it's official now - like I'm in the car on the road to college (in my mind, the road is cobblestone).
Here's the funny thing - when I met with Craig today and told him about my college meeting, he said he could TOTALLY see me in CA! He got all excited and said I would love it, and if I ever have an opportunity to go out there, I should jump at it, that it's perfect for me. I don't get these people - what's so great about California?
Craig also told me he's working on getting Aunt Elaine somebody, kind of like a case worker, and that the person won't be connected to him, so she won't feel like I told on her. Somebody to make sure she's getting all the stuff she needs. He said it's a huge problem that she's not going out OR letting anybody in. That one or the other needs to change. Craig said it'll take a couple of weeks, but his goal is to get her to let people in the house, and then if he needs to, he will personally deliver us beds this summer. He also wants to get her a home health aide who comes a few times a week. Craig said on paper it'll be for Aunt Elaine, but in reality it'll help me a lot, because that person will go food shopping and cook dinner and clean and do a lot of stuff I do. I asked if they'll get us our special milk or if it's like WIC, where you can't pick which brands of things you want. I'd rather not be a beggar if I can't be a chooser.
He said he's not signing us up for WIC, and we can probably go food shopping with the person to show her our brands. That this won't give us money, but services. This could be really, really good. If the person can convince Aunt Elaine to open the door.
I told Craig that Aunt Elaine's leg is still swollen, her knee isn't getting better, that she still can't really walk without using a walker. She doesn't do her physical therapy, even though Alex offers to do it with her every day. Her leg is swollen because she's supposed to put it up higher than her heart, which means she has to lay in bed and put it on pillows, but she doesn't do that. Craig said he's not sure he can do anything about that without jeopardizing us staying with Aunt Elaine, so he'll look into it, but I shouldn't expect anything.
It feels like stuff is happening finally. Cautiously hopeful.
Love,
Sam
Friday, June 8, 2007
I'm Slow / Come Here, Sandy
Mommy,
Wireless stopped working today and I can't fix it. I even re-set the modem and that didn't work. Dial-up is such a pain in the ass. Homework takes longer because looking things up takes minutes instead of seconds. I can't even piggy-back onto someone else's high-speed - that's how screwed up it is right now.
On Monday I got a 100 on my vocab/spelling pretest, so I'm exempt from tomorrow's real test. That means all I have is my math test. Josh and I are cutting after 6th period to go do something fun.
I got a slip to meet with my guidance counselor on Monday about SAT and college planning. Rachel and Makesha have him too, and Makesha said he's totally useless and will just either encourage me to sign up for cosmotology instead of college, or go to Rutgers. Which is obviously retarded since I have to go to a SUNY school and Rutgers is in Jersey. I hate New Jersey. So tomorrow I'm going to ask the assistant principal to come to my meeting too.
After school today Alex and I went to do food shopping and when we came out there was a dog hanging out. We couldn't find an owner and it was obviously somebody's dog. We watched it for a while, to try to make sure it didn't run into the street and get hit by a car or anything. I gave Alex my cell phone and read her the number off the tag so we could call in case it was lost. Just got voicemail so I left a message. We hung out waiting for like 20 minutes, hoping the dog's owner was just food shopping inside. Alex thought the person was, because the dog kept running to the doors, looking inside the store and wagging its' tail. Then this girl Mina from school showed up and we were talking with her and when we next looked, the dog was gone and a guy standing nearby said it went off with a person.
I'm glad the dog wasn't lost or anything (Alex is sad the owner showed up because she wanted to take the dog home and sleep with it) but pissed at that person for not taking better care of the dog. It could have run into the street or gotten kidnapped or something.
We are SOOOO definitely getting a dog when we move for my college.
Love,
Sam
Wireless stopped working today and I can't fix it. I even re-set the modem and that didn't work. Dial-up is such a pain in the ass. Homework takes longer because looking things up takes minutes instead of seconds. I can't even piggy-back onto someone else's high-speed - that's how screwed up it is right now.
On Monday I got a 100 on my vocab/spelling pretest, so I'm exempt from tomorrow's real test. That means all I have is my math test. Josh and I are cutting after 6th period to go do something fun.
I got a slip to meet with my guidance counselor on Monday about SAT and college planning. Rachel and Makesha have him too, and Makesha said he's totally useless and will just either encourage me to sign up for cosmotology instead of college, or go to Rutgers. Which is obviously retarded since I have to go to a SUNY school and Rutgers is in Jersey. I hate New Jersey. So tomorrow I'm going to ask the assistant principal to come to my meeting too.
After school today Alex and I went to do food shopping and when we came out there was a dog hanging out. We couldn't find an owner and it was obviously somebody's dog. We watched it for a while, to try to make sure it didn't run into the street and get hit by a car or anything. I gave Alex my cell phone and read her the number off the tag so we could call in case it was lost. Just got voicemail so I left a message. We hung out waiting for like 20 minutes, hoping the dog's owner was just food shopping inside. Alex thought the person was, because the dog kept running to the doors, looking inside the store and wagging its' tail. Then this girl Mina from school showed up and we were talking with her and when we next looked, the dog was gone and a guy standing nearby said it went off with a person.
I'm glad the dog wasn't lost or anything (Alex is sad the owner showed up because she wanted to take the dog home and sleep with it) but pissed at that person for not taking better care of the dog. It could have run into the street or gotten kidnapped or something.
We are SOOOO definitely getting a dog when we move for my college.
Love,
Sam
Thursday, June 7, 2007
What I'm Wondering
Mama,
So all these super huge fat people are getting this gastric bypass surgery. There are shows built around it on tv - that's how popular it is. And you know, Aunt Elaine. So I decided to research it to see if it would be good for her, right?
Thing is, they go into your stomach, and take part of it out and make it smaller. So a smaller amount of food can fit in you after the surgery. Plus, apparently after surgery the body can't process the same foods, or something like that, so you totally have to eat healthily. So between eating healthy foods and less food altogether, that's how the people lose so much weight.
Okay but here's my question. If these people are fat because they couldn't control their eating habits before surgery, then why is it thought they'll be able to control their eating after surgery? Why don't they just get a nutritionist or whatever, and eat the way they'd had to if they DID have the surgery? Wouldn't they lose weight that way, even though maybe slower? Then they'd bypass all the potential complications of it, right?
I must be missing something. Maybe I should study more for my biology final.
Love,
Sam
So all these super huge fat people are getting this gastric bypass surgery. There are shows built around it on tv - that's how popular it is. And you know, Aunt Elaine. So I decided to research it to see if it would be good for her, right?
Thing is, they go into your stomach, and take part of it out and make it smaller. So a smaller amount of food can fit in you after the surgery. Plus, apparently after surgery the body can't process the same foods, or something like that, so you totally have to eat healthily. So between eating healthy foods and less food altogether, that's how the people lose so much weight.
Okay but here's my question. If these people are fat because they couldn't control their eating habits before surgery, then why is it thought they'll be able to control their eating after surgery? Why don't they just get a nutritionist or whatever, and eat the way they'd had to if they DID have the surgery? Wouldn't they lose weight that way, even though maybe slower? Then they'd bypass all the potential complications of it, right?
I must be missing something. Maybe I should study more for my biology final.
Love,
Sam
Monday, June 4, 2007
If You Cry, You Die
Mommy,
I got to school extra early this morning so I'd have time to call and leave Craig a message about what happened before going to shrinkage after school.
The only thing that would be more embarrassing than crying in front of Craig, would probably be crying in front of like, a whole psychologist's convention or something. When I got there today, I couldn't talk at first, and we sat there all quiet for like ten minutes. There was just no good place to start. (This is when my power cord completely fried and my computer died. It seems like Blogger decided I wanted to post this even though I hadn't finished writing.)
Craig said it was obvious I was very upset about this. Duh. Then he asked why I thought I was more upset about it than if some random kid at school calls me a bitch or a guy on the street makes a comment. What's the difference? I told him because she's supposed to be on my side, and that was when I started crying. Then I cried because I was crying.
Eventually I calmed down, and Craig said Aunt Elaine *is* supposed to be on my side, and it would help if she and I talked on a regular basis, and if she met Josh, met his parents, all that shit. Which we all know she'll never do because she won't go anywhere and won't let anyone over. My aunt, the hermit.
He asked why I don't talk with her. Because I have better things to do. It's mean, but really - why would I want to spend time with somebody who makes it so clear she can't stand me? So Craig said this is not a good situation on many levels and he needs to think about it. I asked if he's firing me from being shrunk, but he said no, there are just a lot of directions to go in and he wants to talk to some people about how to best help.
I think Craig is going to fire me. I feel it coming.
I wish I was with you. Love,
Sam
This did not come out at all the way I meant for it to.
I got to school extra early this morning so I'd have time to call and leave Craig a message about what happened before going to shrinkage after school.
The only thing that would be more embarrassing than crying in front of Craig, would probably be crying in front of like, a whole psychologist's convention or something. When I got there today, I couldn't talk at first, and we sat there all quiet for like ten minutes. There was just no good place to start. (This is when my power cord completely fried and my computer died. It seems like Blogger decided I wanted to post this even though I hadn't finished writing.)
Craig said it was obvious I was very upset about this. Duh. Then he asked why I thought I was more upset about it than if some random kid at school calls me a bitch or a guy on the street makes a comment. What's the difference? I told him because she's supposed to be on my side, and that was when I started crying. Then I cried because I was crying.
Eventually I calmed down, and Craig said Aunt Elaine *is* supposed to be on my side, and it would help if she and I talked on a regular basis, and if she met Josh, met his parents, all that shit. Which we all know she'll never do because she won't go anywhere and won't let anyone over. My aunt, the hermit.
He asked why I don't talk with her. Because I have better things to do. It's mean, but really - why would I want to spend time with somebody who makes it so clear she can't stand me? So Craig said this is not a good situation on many levels and he needs to think about it. I asked if he's firing me from being shrunk, but he said no, there are just a lot of directions to go in and he wants to talk to some people about how to best help.
I think Craig is going to fire me. I feel it coming.
I wish I was with you. Love,
Sam
This did not come out at all the way I meant for it to.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Slut
Dani slept over her friend's house Friday night and this morning Dani asked me in the kitchen if I had sex with Josh last night and I shook my head no. Aunt Elaine overheard and totally reamed me out for being slutty. She wouldn't listen when I said I didn't do anything wrong. Just went on and on about how I better not get pregnant and I'm so disgusting. She went on and on for like ten minutes and made Alex cry. I kept trying to answer her questions but she screamed over me and wouldn't listen. Danielle was stuck standing in between us and finally I shoved her so she'd leave the kitchen. Aunt Elaine kept saying I was running around with all these boys (what boys?! one boy!) and was going to catch something. What a fucking bitch. She totally made me crash from my high.
I left because I was so angry but once I got outside I realized how retarded that was. No phone, no sunscreen, no Metrocard, no money, nothing. Had to ask some guy to borrow his cellphone. He asked what he'd get in return. "A truly heartfelt thank you." And a kick in the balls if you suggest anything else. Why is everyone an asshole today? He lent it to me, I called my own phone, Alex answered and I told her to bring my stuff and meet me down the block.
She and Dani came out with their backpacks and mine and I took us into the city to go to the library. Which is closed because it's Sunday. Which I know, but forgot because I'm so angry. So now we're at Borders instead. I am in such a fucking rage. I don't ever want to go home.
We have to go to Sunday dinner tonight and we're all sweaty and gross. Fucking great.
I left because I was so angry but once I got outside I realized how retarded that was. No phone, no sunscreen, no Metrocard, no money, nothing. Had to ask some guy to borrow his cellphone. He asked what he'd get in return. "A truly heartfelt thank you." And a kick in the balls if you suggest anything else. Why is everyone an asshole today? He lent it to me, I called my own phone, Alex answered and I told her to bring my stuff and meet me down the block.
She and Dani came out with their backpacks and mine and I took us into the city to go to the library. Which is closed because it's Sunday. Which I know, but forgot because I'm so angry. So now we're at Borders instead. I am in such a fucking rage. I don't ever want to go home.
We have to go to Sunday dinner tonight and we're all sweaty and gross. Fucking great.
A First (NOT a Mom Letter)
I need to write this out because I can't wrap my head around it. Last night Josh's family was having a BBQ and Danielle and I baked cookies so I'd have something to bring. When I got there, Josh said he had a surprise for me after dinner. There were a slew of people there, and we were able to sneak two cans of beer into Josh's room.
We watched Secretary, which was umm... weird as hell. I asked Josh if he liked that stuff and he said it was fun to watch but he wouldn't want to do it. Thank god - it was too much weird kinky shit for me. I couldn't watch when she put the tea kettle of boiling water against the inside of her thigh - the sound it made totally squicked me out.
I'm glad I saw the movie, even though it didn't really do much for me. Just because I've heard people talk about it and now I know what they're talking about. Plus after it, Josh and I wound up having this deep conversation about limits and how far we're (I'm) willing to go and all that. He asked what happened with Stefan so I told him, and he said that's gross. Weird how in the middle of it happening, it was hard to see it for what it was, but when I told Josh, it was so clear how wrong Stefan was. I felt dumb for having to consider it, and embarrassed that I didn't say no right away.
By then it was like 1 a.m. - we'd been talking for a long time and I was kind of sleepy. But Josh said he wanted to do the surprise so I perked up a little bit. He got something from his desk and told me to close my eyes and put out my hands. When I opened my eyes, it was a certificate. For a massage seminar for adults at a college. Josh took a seminar with grownups so he'd know how to give good massages, like as a present for me! It was really cute - he was proud of himself and everything. So he asked if he could give me a massage, and of course I said yes.
Josh ran to get a towel and handed me a bag from his desk. It had smelly oil that he said was lavender and is supposed to be soothing. Josh dimmed the light, lit a few candles and then turned around to look at me. "I thought we were getting ready?" Ummm ... I didn't know there was anything I had to do to BE ready. Was I supposed to be getting a fire extinguisher or something? Josh gave this little smile and said I had to take off my shirt and lay on my stomach. Oh. I felt stupid.
So I whipped off my shirt and laid down really fast. Josh pointed at my hair and said I should put it up so it wouldn't get in the way. So I put my hair in a ponytail. He snapped my bra and said I had to take that off too. I asked if what he'd shown me was a real certificate or Josh had just made it on his computer in an attempt to get me to strip. He looked all offended then, and said no, people get massages naked usually, or at least strip down to underwear. Okay, I did NOT know that! I sort of wish I had before agreeing so fast to one.
This was getting much more complicated than I was prepared for, and I wasn't sure what to do. Josh offered to see if he could find more beer while I thought about it. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I got up to look at the certificate again and this thing I read in a magazine popped into my head. It was all about how you have to trust yourself, know who you can trust for what, and who expects you can trust them and all this stuff.
I heard Josh coming back down the hall so I decided really fast and yanked off my jeans and bra and jumped under the blanket. I prayed I was trusting the right person - I thought I was, because Josh had never given me any reason not to trust him.
No beer - it would have been too obvious if he'd taken any that were in the fridge, so Josh just brought back two bottles of water instead. He looked at me, then at the blanket and towel and frowned. Apparently I was supposed to be laying on top of the towel with a sheet covering me. I started to say I was sorry (and wish I was home) but Josh said no, it was his fault for not explaining ahead of time. Okay turns out you lay on a towel so if oil drips it just goes on the towel, and the sheet covers all the parts of the body that aren't getting massaged. I think.
Josh untucked the sides and bottom of his blanket, folded the top down to my waist and told me not to move so the lavender stuff wouldn't drip on his bed. He poured it on my back, down my spine, and at first I could barely feel it. Okay, another thing I learned? You can't have your hands in fists when you get a massage - it cancels out the whole relaxing part. Josh started with my hands - he opened my fists and pulled each finger out and rubbed my palms.
He was good at this. By the time Josh got up to my shoulders I felt ... inside my head felt thick. Thinking took too much effort and I didn't try. He was sliding from my shoulders to the bottom of my neck up into my hair. I asked if this is supposed to make people sleepy but it was hard to say the words clearly and I had to repeat myself. It felt SOOO GOOD. I told Josh I thought I was going to fall asleep and he asked if I wanted to finish another time. I tried to nod. That's all I remember.
When I woke up it was morning and I smelled lavender. Even though it was only like 8 a.m. I felt like I'd had the best sleep ever. Not sure if it was the massage or sleeping in a bed. Whichever, I want both again. Josh was still asleep and I had to totally lean over him to get my clothes off the floor and I was scared he'd wake up but he didn't. I didn't put on my bra and helped myself to a sweatshirt I found - I just wanted to get the hell out of there before getting busted by Josh's parents.
Got home, and was getting back into bed right when Alex was getting up. She hugged me and said I smelled good. I wish I hadn't wasted so much time freaking out about the naked part.
We watched Secretary, which was umm... weird as hell. I asked Josh if he liked that stuff and he said it was fun to watch but he wouldn't want to do it. Thank god - it was too much weird kinky shit for me. I couldn't watch when she put the tea kettle of boiling water against the inside of her thigh - the sound it made totally squicked me out.
I'm glad I saw the movie, even though it didn't really do much for me. Just because I've heard people talk about it and now I know what they're talking about. Plus after it, Josh and I wound up having this deep conversation about limits and how far we're (I'm) willing to go and all that. He asked what happened with Stefan so I told him, and he said that's gross. Weird how in the middle of it happening, it was hard to see it for what it was, but when I told Josh, it was so clear how wrong Stefan was. I felt dumb for having to consider it, and embarrassed that I didn't say no right away.
By then it was like 1 a.m. - we'd been talking for a long time and I was kind of sleepy. But Josh said he wanted to do the surprise so I perked up a little bit. He got something from his desk and told me to close my eyes and put out my hands. When I opened my eyes, it was a certificate. For a massage seminar for adults at a college. Josh took a seminar with grownups so he'd know how to give good massages, like as a present for me! It was really cute - he was proud of himself and everything. So he asked if he could give me a massage, and of course I said yes.
Josh ran to get a towel and handed me a bag from his desk. It had smelly oil that he said was lavender and is supposed to be soothing. Josh dimmed the light, lit a few candles and then turned around to look at me. "I thought we were getting ready?" Ummm ... I didn't know there was anything I had to do to BE ready. Was I supposed to be getting a fire extinguisher or something? Josh gave this little smile and said I had to take off my shirt and lay on my stomach. Oh. I felt stupid.
So I whipped off my shirt and laid down really fast. Josh pointed at my hair and said I should put it up so it wouldn't get in the way. So I put my hair in a ponytail. He snapped my bra and said I had to take that off too. I asked if what he'd shown me was a real certificate or Josh had just made it on his computer in an attempt to get me to strip. He looked all offended then, and said no, people get massages naked usually, or at least strip down to underwear. Okay, I did NOT know that! I sort of wish I had before agreeing so fast to one.
This was getting much more complicated than I was prepared for, and I wasn't sure what to do. Josh offered to see if he could find more beer while I thought about it. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I got up to look at the certificate again and this thing I read in a magazine popped into my head. It was all about how you have to trust yourself, know who you can trust for what, and who expects you can trust them and all this stuff.
I heard Josh coming back down the hall so I decided really fast and yanked off my jeans and bra and jumped under the blanket. I prayed I was trusting the right person - I thought I was, because Josh had never given me any reason not to trust him.
No beer - it would have been too obvious if he'd taken any that were in the fridge, so Josh just brought back two bottles of water instead. He looked at me, then at the blanket and towel and frowned. Apparently I was supposed to be laying on top of the towel with a sheet covering me. I started to say I was sorry (and wish I was home) but Josh said no, it was his fault for not explaining ahead of time. Okay turns out you lay on a towel so if oil drips it just goes on the towel, and the sheet covers all the parts of the body that aren't getting massaged. I think.
Josh untucked the sides and bottom of his blanket, folded the top down to my waist and told me not to move so the lavender stuff wouldn't drip on his bed. He poured it on my back, down my spine, and at first I could barely feel it. Okay, another thing I learned? You can't have your hands in fists when you get a massage - it cancels out the whole relaxing part. Josh started with my hands - he opened my fists and pulled each finger out and rubbed my palms.
He was good at this. By the time Josh got up to my shoulders I felt ... inside my head felt thick. Thinking took too much effort and I didn't try. He was sliding from my shoulders to the bottom of my neck up into my hair. I asked if this is supposed to make people sleepy but it was hard to say the words clearly and I had to repeat myself. It felt SOOO GOOD. I told Josh I thought I was going to fall asleep and he asked if I wanted to finish another time. I tried to nod. That's all I remember.
When I woke up it was morning and I smelled lavender. Even though it was only like 8 a.m. I felt like I'd had the best sleep ever. Not sure if it was the massage or sleeping in a bed. Whichever, I want both again. Josh was still asleep and I had to totally lean over him to get my clothes off the floor and I was scared he'd wake up but he didn't. I didn't put on my bra and helped myself to a sweatshirt I found - I just wanted to get the hell out of there before getting busted by Josh's parents.
Got home, and was getting back into bed right when Alex was getting up. She hugged me and said I smelled good. I wish I hadn't wasted so much time freaking out about the naked part.
Friday, June 1, 2007
Huggie?
Ma,
Remember when Alex was a baby and she'd go up to anyone on the street and pick up her arms and say, "Huggie?"? She still does that. Not to strangers, but anyone she knows. When I picked Dani up yesterday and she was saying goodbye to her friend, the other girl said, "huggie!" before hugging her goodbye.
Josh says it now. The hot guy at the pizza place says it to all three of us, as he comes around the counter for his hug. For such a short kid, Alex is very influential. She should start a cult. She doesn't even TRY to talk people into it - she just gets it going naturally. Alex will be President some day. She will repair our relationship with France by hugging.
I have to go meet this guy Gorev now; he wanted to borrow my English notes. He is taking a makeup of a test I already took and I got a 92, so he wants to see how I outline.
Love,
Sam
P.S. That teacher came back the next day - a security guard stays in the classroom with her.
Remember when Alex was a baby and she'd go up to anyone on the street and pick up her arms and say, "Huggie?"? She still does that. Not to strangers, but anyone she knows. When I picked Dani up yesterday and she was saying goodbye to her friend, the other girl said, "huggie!" before hugging her goodbye.
Josh says it now. The hot guy at the pizza place says it to all three of us, as he comes around the counter for his hug. For such a short kid, Alex is very influential. She should start a cult. She doesn't even TRY to talk people into it - she just gets it going naturally. Alex will be President some day. She will repair our relationship with France by hugging.
I have to go meet this guy Gorev now; he wanted to borrow my English notes. He is taking a makeup of a test I already took and I got a 92, so he wants to see how I outline.
Love,
Sam
P.S. That teacher came back the next day - a security guard stays in the classroom with her.
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