Tom said he knew Danielle had taken over the decorating responsibilities and asked who would be handling the procurement of the apartment responsibilities. I really don't even think we need to bother being involved. My sisters and I have already proven we can live in anything. What will feel beautiful and extravagant to us will be absolutely unacceptable to Josh's parents. I told Tom I'd like to get as close to $1000 a month as possible but we can go up to $1400 if we have to.
The whole thing is retarded anyway. Three quarters of the apartment will be for us, and only one quarter for Josh, so we should be paying 75% of the rent. Except if we were doing that, we'd find a shitty two-bedroom in a sixth floor walkup in a crappy neighborhood for $1700 and call it a day. But of course this is poppycock to Josh's parents. Their witty baby boy will not be slumming it. How will he be able to study without a doorman and a dishwasher?
So I told all this to Tom (except I said it in a way nicer way) and ended it with "I'm sure whatever you choose will be much more than adequate for us." Alex told him flat-out this home is the nicest we've ever seen, which could have been a sweet moment except that Danielle argued that our home in Brooklyn was nicest. So Tom is trying to thank Alex while Danielle is trying to yell at Alex, I am trying to yell at Danielle, and Tom is trying to reassure me he understands what Danielle meant.
Ladies, PLEASE. This needs to be resolved and we must start looking at apartments now. Tom tried to ask me to take a day off from working for Arnie to do that but I got such a horrible look on my face that he backtracked to just a morning. He said we will just see what's available, what we can get for the money we're willing to spend. Tom went on and on this way and finally I just agreed to get him to stop talking. The whole thing makes me feel sick.
Alex is so stupid and naive and asked if she can come. I told her no because then she'd miss a day of camp since we wouldn't be able to get her out there in the middle of the day. Once again Tom got involved and said he'd be happy to take us to lunch and then bring Alex to work with him for the afternoon. I am not pleased. What the hell is the point of bringing an 11 year-old to look at apartments? She gets no say in this decision.
A small part of me is starting to hate Tom and Laurie. That same small part of me also feels very guilty for feeling that way.
7 comments:
What you are experiencing is parenting. Real parenting. It's not about them being rich. It's how any functional adult would be treating their children.the parent uses their resources to do the best by the child. Also, I'm not rich and I use the word procurement in standard conversation.
Tom should have discussed this privately with you. You are still the head of your family. His bringing up ideas that you needed to veto in front of especially Alex puts you in a position that isn't respectful to your authority.
tough situation, i agree he's just being a parent, that comes natural to him, he feels like that's how his role should be here, i think it's difficult for him to see just you as the head of the family, but i believe they are trying really hard to help and make it easier for you, it's just tough to deal with since you've been doing everything on your own for so very long...hang in there girl, it'll be ok
Wasn't it decided long ago that you'd pay for rent the amount you'd be paying otherwise and they'd pay the rest because they are the ones requiring a more expensive apartment?
It's totally okay for you to instruct Tom to speak with you privately and why.
Yes 11:54 person, that was decided. But it still feels unfair to me (to Tom & Laurie) and I am uncomfortable about it.
The only thing I care about is that I want to be within 2 or 3 blocks of the subway. Other than that he should just get whatever he thinks because I know it'll be fine with us.
Your being uncomfortable about it is perfectly reasonable!
There are perhaps two ways to think about the rent:
One, you are paying much less than 75% and they are paying much more than 25%, so it is unfair to them.
Two, you are paying according to your ability and your requirements and they are paying according to their ability and their requirements, so it is fair to both.
It is understandable for you to be uncomfortable, for many reasons, including that, even if you think about the rent the second way, you still get to benefit from their ability and requirements.
Not looking at apartments with Tom sounds like the right choice. Your only need is proximity to the subway, you've stated. If you accompany Tom, the purpose would be to weigh in on other attributes. If you don't go, then you can feel you've maintained a separation between your needs and theirs.
Plus, your work ethic is such that taking off for Alex's recital makes sense, but to casually look at apartments does not, and you ought to stick with that.
I wonder, are our comments at all helpful?
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