Not mine. Josh has an older sister. She doesn't go to college. She doesn't talk to her parents. She doesn't talk to Josh. She barely ever sees her family. Like less than once a year. They almost never mention her.
I have a hard time with this. Obviously. Josh says I can't be rational about her. About their relationship with her. Lack of relationship with her. I say even with that, they should still consider my point, because it IS a valid one. Because they only have no relationship with her because she's there to not have a relationship with. If she weren't available to have a relationship with, they'd wish they'd had one.
While I was taking a break from homework tonight I was making the stuff in Josh's bedside table neater and found his photo album. He went through it with me, pointing out who each person was in each picture. There were a couple with his sister, when they were younger. She looks normal in them - all sisterly and happy and normal. It's hard to understand what went wrong. There's one of her and Josh laying on a blanket on their stomachs in a park, smiling into the camera. Their shoulders are touching and they have similar smiles.
Josh told me that I don't need to understand, I just need to accept that it's gone wrong. It's really hard. He said we're coming from opposite places on this. That he has a hard time understanding how close my sisters and I are. Why we sometimes hug each other when we've come home from school/work. How we're never sick of each other.
Knowing about his sister makes it easier to understand why Josh shakes his head and walks away when he finds the three of us laying in bed together, and why he seemed surprised the time he counted how many times we said "I love you" to each other and told me it was more than 20 times a day (I pointed out that's not even four times a day).
Maybe he's right about coming from opposite ends of the sister-spectrum. (I don't really know how to use that word.) I don't get the impression Josh really misses his sister, but there are times he seems really happy seeing how me and my sisters are with each other. Family can be complicated I guess.
3 comments:
I'm an only child and spent pretty much my entire life wishing I had a sibling, especially a sister. That's not in the least bit the same as having had and lost a sibling, but still I find myself quite frustrated when I watch friends who fight (or worse, don't have much of a relationship at all) with siblings of their own. I usually have to restrain myself from saying indignantly, "Don't you know how lucky you are??!" On the other hand, someone like you would probably find it impossible to understand the feelings I have regarding my mother and why I don't really enjoy spending lots of time with her. Like you said, families are complicated, and no one can fairly judge someone else's.
Alisha I understand why you might not like your mother - if my mother were Aunt Elaine I wouldn't want to spend time with her either.
I'm curious.
Does Josh only have the one sister that there is no relationship with?
(I'm thinking this could explain Laurie's delight at her girl's day out with your sisters. Kind of like a transference thing. Which is not to mean that you should be wary about her reasons. I mean no harm to your relationship with her. Truly, I don't mean to be suggestive, just more curiosity. What do I know?)
Family dynamics can be tough. My sister is kind of nuts but my whole family is. Our dynamics are super touchy; there is a lot that has to be let go of.
And that doesn't always happen.
I can only imagine how hard it is for you to see the other side of family dynamics.
More 'cultural differences' for you & Josh.
It seems the bottom line is---
Josh and his family loves you and yours for who you are, for what you are.
Sometimes reciprocating that love for who and what you are can be difficult.
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