I don't know what's wrong with me. Every day this week I've cried. This is what I do every day:
- get up, shower
- look at my clothes and take out whatever the day's outfit is (Friday is this black, white and yellow dress that I wore for graduation last year but it turns out that it only looked good while it was new and now that it's been washed so much it's faded and I want to cry every Friday when I put it on)
- go to work
- try not to cry there
- sometimes succeed, sometimes not so much
- sit outside somewhere on my lunch hour and eat and cry
- come home and go to bed
- sleep and/or cry
10 comments:
When I was younger and found myself with more time on my hands, I would sometimes find myself in the same state you are in. Very sad. Lacking energy. Only later would I realize that during these moments when I had relatively less responsibility and stress, that my body allowed myself to feel the pain and sorrow that had built up over a lifetime of disappointments.
It sounds to me that you might be going through the same thing. I am guessing that as you don't have the burden of school on top of work and raising your sisters, you have more time for reflection than you normally would. And this opportunity for reflection either consciously or unconsciously allows memories and feelings that you normally don't have time deal with to come out.
I am guessing that part of your health care insurance from your school includes shrinkage. I highly recommend you take advantage of it, if for no other reason than it gives you a chance to talk to someone. If you don't want to do that, then take up exercising to fill the time you have with something positive. If you don't feel like excersise, force yourself to try it for a few days. See if you start to feel better.
What ever you do, I hope you feel better soon. Remember, people do care about you.
Michael
Me, too. Nothing helpful to say, just some paltry knowledge that you're not alone.
You have been holding it together for a long time. You have responsibilities, and a relationship, that are unusual for a young woman your age. You are in a situation where you do not have worry nearly as much, and your body is telling you that all the stuff you have had bottled up while you dealt with everything is finally coming out. Find some professional help and put yourself first, please.
Please Please Please.Take this in the manner in which it is meant (concern),
Maybe, very naively ,I thought that perhaps you and your sisters got millions for your horrific loss of your mother and brother?
If this is the case
Sam ,I've been reading you for years,sweet girl, and its time for you to do something /anything fun and carefree. Cant you take your sisters on a vacation to some place exotic or interesting? When have you had a vacation in the last 5 years? When have you had a break? Take some dough and buy yourself an obscene amount of sundresses and tell your boss you need a few weeks off and go to Europe.You've been talking about how easy it is for josh to do things.Is there a way to make it easy for you to just TREAT yourself? If anyone is deserving it, It's you. Go to Italy and whisper to your Mom everything your seeing.You're young. Are you still feeling that living with Josh is where you want to be? Does he feel like an old married man? Do you feel stymied? SAMMMMM as the hip hop world says "you do you"... its time.xo Susan
So sorry you are feeling this way. Thank you for updating us!
Some ideas:
-Take a pregnancy test.
-Call Craig and ask whether he will see you and if not ask for a referral.
-Spend the money to get a new Friday dress.
-Get up early and go swimming before work every day for a week.
-Have your sisters and Josh cover making dinner and all other household tasks for a week.
-Do something fun and just for yourself after work every day for a week instead of going right home.
-Schedule a medical checkup with respect to the feeling worn out and the other physical symptoms.
-Buy fresh flowers for your room.
-Take a walk as the sun sets.
-Go to bed early.
And remember that people do care about you, both in your real life and here online.
Why would you tell her to take a pregnancy test? She didn't say anything about a missed period or throwing up.
I agree with the idea that it's likely the buildup from years of responsibility and delayed emotion. If you can do shrinkage, that sounds good. Also the mono test.
Mostly though, just want you to know you're cared about, even if it's only virtual...
I'm here. Slow and delayed, but here. And sometimes, the awful comes leaking out at the worst possible times, or at least the weirdest.
Talk when you need to, walk your ass off, find something that makes you smile. And know you aren't alone.
Oh hon,
You have so much on your shoulders. Even though I'm a 40-year-old kid at heart with a 2-year-old of my own, sometimes I want to take you in my arms and take care of you.
You are the most amazing person. You are doing a great job taking care of your sisters. You hold yourself to high standards.
Give yourself a break. Treat yourself well. Your sisters are growing up; let them take on the responsibilities that you had at their age.
Last of all, please see someone about your physical and mental health. Wanting to cry everyday can be a sign of depression. Depression is not a weakness or a fault, and it's really hard to look at yourself objectively when you're in it.
I wish you well, and I think about you often.
No one is telling Sam to do anything. Taking a pregnancy test is listed first because it came to mind first. If Sam disregards that idea she can still consider the other good ideas and see that people care about her.
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