It's this huge jewish holiday (Rosh Hashannah) right now, and Josh's parents had fancy dinners yesterday and tonight. They had a lot of family and friends there. I will confess that although I worked today, even if I hadn't I would not have wanted to go to temple with Josh and his family all day. It just sounds boring. An hour would be okay. Two hours of listening to stuff in a language I don't understand would feel like too much. A day would be unbearable.
At the end of work though, I did stop in the bathroom to make sure I looked nice before picking up jelly donuts on the way to Tom and Laurie's. Was going to get flowers but Josh said to get jelly donuts instead, that it's some jewish thing.
When I got there Tom saw me first and gave me a big hug. He introduced me to a bunch of family members I'd never met before and I could tell they knew. "Oh that's the girl whose family died on 9/11." You can always tell when people know, because they look at you a little more intently, and look for deeper meaning in everything you say. God forbid you mention that you know fall is coming because leaves are starting to die - everyone gasps. Someone says the potato latkes are a little burnt, but then says, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry Sam!" I gave Josh's aunt a big smile and told her it was okay, I like the burnt ones. Josh choked on his wine laughing.
You know, I can be more than the girl whose family died. It's not my entire identity. I have other family. And if you didn't bring it up all the time, I wouldn't think about it all the time. There's lots of other stuff going on in my life besides sitting around missing my family. I can talk about other things. It was almost a decade ago - if you mention your mother or burnt food I promise to not burst into tears.
When we got home Danielle said a present had been dropped off for me. It was a box with a note. The note read, "Sammers, Happy new year to your circumcised boyfriend, and you too! Love, Beccers" The box had jelly donuts in it.
3 comments:
Yes. It gets exhausting to feel like the world defines you by your loss, doesn't it?
Are you going to attend Yom Kippur services this year?
Jewish services aren't just listening, they are doing. Reform services are probably less so, but they have more English.
You might be able to sit there and read. Maybe get a book that teaches about the high holidays, or a high holiday prayerbook for beginners with lots of commentary for you to read.
Anyway, given what you wrote last year, Josh will surely appreciate your being there with him, even if for only for an hour here and there.
In the last post you wrote about the situation with Alex and whether or not to be "over it." Who knows, maybe you'll read or hear something that will help you figure that out.
Hope your day today was okay. We think of you as more than "the 9/11 girl," but we also do think of you today.
Sounds like your friendship with Becca is still in good shape!
I've been out of commission for two weeks. Wow, you've had a LOT going on. I'm so sorry about Alex and the money. That sounds awful. This is just how I think, but it's almost like, if she were going to take my money, I'd rather she'd spent it on something significant. Having it frittered away seems worse. Not sure why though...
One of my friends just moved to NYC and she posted pics of the towers of light in lower Manhattan. I'm sure they've done that for years, but I'd never seen it. What a powerful image. Yet I can imagine it being annoying to have that label being the first thing people know about you. You handle it well.
I love the jelly donuts from Becca! That's great.
I have a Tanakh (the Jewish--original--Old Testament) that was given to me by a Jewish friend. It reminds me of Becca's note cause he inscribed it, "From Jews to Yous. Merry Christmas."
Post a Comment