Alex has finally paid me back all the money she owed me. She paid me back in $50 increments. The truth is, sometimes I forgot. I forgot to be angry at her. I forgot to not trust her. This fractured us. When I give Alex money to go to the store for milk or whatever, she hesitates as she takes it. When she comes back, Alex is always very careful to give me every cent of change, and makes me stand there while she reads the receipt in detail out loud before handing it to me. Possibly worse than my sometimes not trusting her, is Alex's inability to trust herself, and I feel ashamed every time I think of how I screamed at her. I screamed until my throat felt raw. I knocked her off her pedestal of confidence, of security in us.
So we walk around, moving towards the walls in the hall when we see the other one coming so we don't touch, both of us feeling guilty from opposite places. There was only my fury when I found out. Her feelings didn't register. You know how they say there's your version, my version, and then the truth? Well there's a third here too. My feelings, Alex's feelings, and then our relationship. We are broken. Not enough that we can't be sisters anymore, but enough that we're well aware of how we're limping along.
6 comments:
It's all about communication. Tell her how you feel, what you wish you'd done differently, that paying you back has shown a maturity level that you are proud of. Tell her you still love her.
Yes, yes, what Laurie said. It is the "elephant in the room" so to speak. Talk about it. Tell her how much you love her. Keep talking until it's fixed.
You are a wonderful sister, and you got really, really mad. It happens. Her confidence will not be permanently damaged-just temporarily bruised-if you work on it until it's fixed.
Thinking of you.
Well. I was going to offer some advice, then I read the last two comments and realized that they said everything I wanted to say! You're human...you had a reaction. I think things can and will go back to normal and maybe they'll even be better!
I'll just echo the other three... just tell her what you told us.
It sounds like it would be cool if you took her out to lunch. Just the two of you. Tell her what you're feeling, ask what she's feeling, just generally clear the air.
The words "I forgive you" feel cheesy, but are powerful to hear, especially if accompanied by a change in attitude.
I have this war with my sisters all the time. They went through and the younger one still does this were they go through my stuff (jewellry, makeup, clothes etc) we have had some really ugly fights about it. I agree with everyones suggestions. she knows you still love her but it is nice to hear it out loud especially after something like this has happened. I actually jsut wanted to say that your not alone! ;-)
Post a Comment