Sunday, January 2, 2011

Something you could definitely live without

I'm skipping one but it's because it's repetitive.

You know what I'd love to live without? The wide divide between me and Josh. He thinks I'm nuts for worrying, nuts for always planning for what ifs. I think he's nuts for not worrying and that the only reason he doesn't plan for what ifs is because he can always fall back on his parents.

This morning Josh wanted to lay around in bed. I wanted to get up to do laundry and go food shopping because my sisters' schools start again. It seemed totally logical to get up, go get the Sunday newspaper, start laundry, clip coupons and make a shopping list, and then go food shopping with one sister while leaving the other one to finish laundry. Josh wanted me to leave it all and just stay in bed. When I pointed out that if I didn't do this stuff, it wouldn't get done, Josh mumbled that he really missed having a housekeeper. He pointed out he's gone food shopping more with me than he ever did in his entire life before me.

The money divide is so old already. I am tired of defending why I can't lay around doing nothing, and why I have to work. You can't wish Josh were poor, because he'd crumble as a poor person and wouldn't be able to do it. But sometimes I really wish he'd grown up blue collar. I think that'd save us a lot of frustrating arguments.


Kate said...

I think no matter who you are dating/marry/etc the difference between a guy and girl are so huge. My husband and I think completely different. We do have money difference (I grew up poor, he grew up middle class), but we have differences on way more things than that. If possible, we always try to come up with a win-win, so that we're both happy. For instance, stay in bed for an hour or two longer, than have Josh help you get the stuff you need to get done. Maybe? :)

Anonymous said...

I'm 35-years-old and have been married for 8 years. If I could tell my younger self something to help her avoid undue stress, it would be that you cannot change someone who doesn't want to change. After years and years of trying to get my husband to pull his weight around the house, I have accepted that he's simply not going to do it. He does other things that contribute significantly to the family, but he's not someone I can depend on to do anything related to the house, inside or outside. I also decided this is not an issue that is a deal breaker. He's considerate in a vast number of other ways, so I can let this one go.

I get that part of your point is that he nags you to drop responsibilities. That sucks. Trying to find middle ground is a great thing, but in terms of changing the turmoil you feel regarding this issue on the inside, my money's on just accepting what you cannot change, deciding if it's a deal breaker, and then learning to live with it - not for him, but for you.

Yankee, Transferred said...

Growing up with completely different expectations and mindsets makes adult relationships difficult to navigate. I can imagine your frustration. The thing to decide upon, I guess, is do you have the same values and ideals? For instance, do you view political and social issues similarly? That, for me, was the deal-breaker in more than one relationship.
I like Kate's compromise ideas.

Sam said...

Yankee I'm sure if we didn't agree it would hurt, but agreeing doesn't seem to help enough. We do agree on the big things, though I am more vehement about our stances, and can probably debate them better than Josh.

The big problem really boils down to all of Josh's wants being his needs, but to me they are totally separate things. And he doesn't ever have to hustle for any of his needs, let alone most of his wants, but I hustle for all of it.

Yankee, Transferred said...

Aha. Confusing "wants" and "needs" is the trademark of the privileged, I guess. You are, indeed, accustomed to beating the bushes for the things you achieve and acquire. Very different life skills. I know I would find it frustrating, too.