Monday, February 21, 2011

Skiing in secret

On Friday Josh went on a road trip with his friends, to go skiing. He is coming back Monday night. This morning when his parents called to talk with Josh, I was surprised to find out they were surprised he wasn't here.

Obviously I can't know for sure, but if I were either going out of state or away overnight, it seems like it would feel right to tell my mom. Even when we went to Florida, I felt like something was missing just telling my sisters.  Josh didn't tell me to keep his ski trip a secret, and it's not like his parents are angry about it, but it seems weird that he didn't tell them.

Josh's dad seemed pretty cool about it though, and invited us out for brunch. Alex isn't contagious from her step throat now that she's given it to Danielle, so the two of us went to brunch. We went to the Four Seasons Hotel, which Alex and I agreed was weird to walk into with a grownup man, but Josh's mom was waiting inside too, so it was totally fine.

This whole weekend has been weird. The girlfriend of one of the guys who also went on the ski trip called me today, and asked if I get suspicious when Josh goes places without me. Being that he goes most places without me, the answer is no. When I told her that she claimed she could never trust her boyfriend and didn't know how I could trust mine.

Me: are you trying to tell me something specific here?
Her: well I'm just saying...
Me: is there some specific reason you think I shouldn't trust Josh?
Her: it's just not smart to trust boys, especially when they go on trips.
Me: what the fuck does that mean?
Her: look I don't want to be saying anything -
Me: then why did you call me? either you're stirring up shit, or you have something specific to tell me, in which case, just spit it out.
Her: i don't know why you're getting so upset....
Me: REALLY? You're practically insinuating my boyfriend's cheating but you can't figure out why I'd be upset?
Her: okay well I don't need to be yelled at.
Me: I don't need to be jerked around.

What the fuck was that? So of course I wound up calling Josh and asking him what was going on. It took him a half hour to call me back, and when I asked why (a part of me died inside) he said he'd been on top of a mountain and couldn't ski and call at the same time. I don't really know how skiing works and had to ask Danielle if he could have just stood off to the side on the mountain to call me back. She shook her head no - apparently that's not really done.

I asked Josh why he didn't tell his parents about this weekend. "I told you," he answered. I didn't really know what that meant. Now I'm his mother? I told Josh about his friend's girlfriend calling, and what she said. You could almost hear him rolling his eyes. He put me on speakerphone to say it again so his friend could hear, and that guy told me he's breaking up with her when he gets back. I was shocked and felt terrible he was going to do that because I'd told about what she said, but he said she's been paranoid about him cheating since they started dating, and he was going to break up with her anyway.

It never occurred to me to distrust Josh when he goes away. Now though, I can not stop wondering what he is doing every five minutes. When Josh gets back tomorrow night I will be very relieved.


miSz tUna said...

It never occurred to me to distrust Josh when he goes away. Now though, I can not stop wondering what he is doing every five minutes. When Josh gets back tomorrow night I will be very relieved. <---
this exact thing happened to me a couple or years back. That so-called realisation that suddenly I've never distrust him and suddenly I'm having this kind of doubt. It's a nuisance, really. Whatever it is, don't let yourself gets eaten up by that distrust. It's tiring. A little bit is OK, but too much of that can be bad, too. See what happens to that girlfriend you talked about? I suppose that no one wants to be in her position.

Susan said...

FWIW, I wouldn't have thought twice about going on a ski trip and not telling my parents (with whom I had/have good relationships) when I was in college. Had he not told *you*, that would be wrong and weird. But not telling his parents doesn't strike me as odd.

Also, Josh is going to do what he's going to do whether you trust him or you don't. Distrusting him without cause is only going to eat you up inside. It sounds to me, based on what you write, that there's no reason to distrust him.

Again, based on what you write, you've got your head on way straighter than 99.9% of the population. Trust yourself and your natural instincts. Just look at how you handled this situation: 1. you told the other girl exactly what was wrong with her line of thinking and her stirring things up without reason. 2. rather than stewing in the situation all weekend, you called Josh and confronted him directly about everything. In my view, that's about as close to perfect as one can get.

Some people thrive in the drama (e.g. the girl who called you). If they don't have enough for themselves, they create it in those around them. It's bullshit and you correctly called it such. Kudos to you!

Lara said...

Have you ever found that he has done anything in the past to cause you to not trust him? It's only when the stories don't fit that you should distrust someone, and you are obviously smart enough to see when things don't fit.

Just because some people can't be trusted doesn't mean that Josh can't... From all of the Josh stories you've told, he seems to have totally earned your trust, so if I were you, I would continue to give it to him.

Lara said...

(And I should add... to me, trust is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing in a relationship. If you truly can't trust someone, I see no reason whatsoever to continue the relationship.)

Isabel said...

Does this chick ever call you at random? Are you friends with her in some capacity? What a fucked up, bizarre thing to do on her part.

I'm not you and I don't know Josh, but as someone who has read about the evolution of your relationship over the last couple of years, it's fairly obvious to me that the two of you have a relationship rooted in trust. I don't know what bug crawled up This Bitch's butt, but it's apparent that her motives are rooted in insecurity. She knows she doesn't have a solid relationship and she's actually *there*. I know it's easier said than done, but you really can't let some jealous hooker tarnish your trust in him. He has chosen to so deeply root himself in your life...especially with his own family...I just don't see how it's a viable situation.

Still, what a ho. Let us know how tonight goes.

Yankee, Transferred said...

She's an immature control freak with a boyfriend she doesn't trust.

Hope the homecoming was joyful.