Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My mother told me

Most of the things I learned from my mom are how to do things, and concepts. She wasn't one of those, "always eat your vegetables first" kind of people. One thing she did say though, was to never lie to your lawyer or your doctor.

On Saturday morning the shrink I got through Doug called and asked if we could meet this morning. When she found out I could meet her before school, she suggested we have a breakfast meeting. It seemed a little weird, but Josh was totally enthusiastic. "It's brilliant! You're Italian; your people love to bond over food! It'll make it easier to talk."

After we got off the phone I called Craig to tell him I was going to see a new shrink and ask if he could send her whatever stuff he had in my file before Monday. He sent them before the end of the day. This morning, as we unpacked our food (she brought three muffins and told me to choose one, I brought oatmeal and fruit salad, and ate a hard-boiled egg on the way there), she complimented me on thinking to do that. She read whatever Craig sent over yesterday, and told me lots of people do that to save time, so they don't have to waste sessions explaining background stuff. I vaguely agreed with her that's why I did it.

But I lied to my doctor, because that's not the truth. The truth is I really, really hate having to deal with people's reactions to the 9/11 thing. The "oh my gods" and the "you poor things" because what are you supposed to say to that? Thank you? It's not so bad? I don't mind? There's just no good reaction. And then the other person is absolutely terrified that you'll cry, but they're both curious as hell AND feel like if you want to talk about it, they have to let you and will look awful if they rush you onto another topic. It's just the last thing in the world I want to talk about.

I wonder if this will change the entire direction of her therapy with me. I know it won't, but I wonder if I do something far enough against what my mother told me, she'll come back to yell at me for it. I miss my mommy.


Kizz said...

Your mom was smart, clearly. It's not too late to tell the therapist at another session. Therapists, and I'm betting especially ones in NYC, are used to talking about 9/11 by now. It's a part of who you (who all of us here) are and that's just a thing that needs dealing. I'm betting it's OK to put off having to deal with that reaction along with the newness of meeting the therapist, though. Don't you think?

Anonymous said...

"..., but I wonder if I do something far enough against what my mother told me, she'll come back to yell at me for it."

There's something very deep in these words.

You are a very self-aware young woman!

Good luck with the new therapist. She's lucky to know you.

Anonymous said...

It is interesting to me that you want to avoid the topic of 9/11. I didn't lose anyone on 9/11, so I have no idea...but I did lose my brother (my dear, sweet, much loved, and greatest friend, brother)very suddenly, unexpectedly, and under very tragic and circumstance. I find I look for every opportunity to tell his story. More than anything, I want people to react. I want confirmation that he mattered, that he was important and loved by more than just me and my family. I wish I had more of a forum to discuss him, but really, I feel no one really wants to hear about someone elses grief. I think Elizabeth Edwards said it best in talking about her son. She said something to the effect that if you lost a leg, no one would come up to you and say "so, are you over that leg thing yet?". But people do expect you to "get over" your greif. I think that is BS. I don't think we ever "get over" it.

Sam said...

Anon, I'm so sorry you lost your brother. The thing that finally made my cry-at-every-moment anquish quiet enough to let me do stuff without feeling guilty for having fun was when someone told me "People die twice. Once when they leave this world, and once when they are forgotten. You can't control the first, but you can control the second." I hope that helps you as much as it helped me.

Yankee, Transferred said...

I hope this will be a good shrinking relationship. You deserve all the relief you can get.