Sunday, May 15, 2011

Daddy issues

Refusing to have any sort of daddy issues is my M.O. I suppose some (Middle-Eastern) people would think I dress kind of slutty, but I've never actually had a particularly slutty phase, never had a much-older boyfriend, etc. It's these things that convince me there are no daddy issues. Sure, fathers can be great, but I refuse to believe you need one to grow up "right" or "normal."

I rarely ever wish I had one. Every once in a while though something will happen and the thought that "this must be what it's like" goes through my head. Tom had to go to Park Slope this weekend. He called to ask if we wanted to come with him. Going to Brooklyn has become sacred even though it's only across the bridge, 15 minutes away by train, and we don't go that often. Dani told him we did want to go. Except I couldn't because he was going yesterday morning and I was working. So he switched it to today. For me.

Tom borrowed an SUV (they don't do subways) and we went this morning instead. Alex was all excited, and I pulled her aside to warn her this wasn't our section of Brooklyn. She kind of ignored me, and then kept saying, "This doesn't look like Brooklyn" over and over. Dumbass.

After Tom's errand, he took us to Press 195 for brunch. When we were getting into the car to drive back across the Battery Tunnel, Dani was talking to me and I looked back at her as I got in. Which is probably why I slammed my head into the frame of the car door. Alex was like 15 feet behind us and later even she said it was such a loud cracking sound that she was sure I'd broken my head open. If it's possible to pass out while standing, I did it, because I don't remember what happened immediately after.

What I do remember is that Tom was standing in front of me pushing my hair back out of the way and touching my forehead. I remember Danielle un-clenching my fingers from his shirt and whispering that I was going to wrinkle it. Tom asked if I was dizzy. I wasn't, so I shook my head but doing that made me dizzy. He kissed my forehead and we went home. Alex invited Tom up and he came in and got ice from the freezer and had me put it on my head.

If I'd felt better it would have felt weird to have Tom hanging out, but since I was busy having a headache only my sisters wandered around not quite knowing what to do with him. He just sat on the couch and watched Bravo with us for an hour or so. I think he wanted to wait and make sure I wasn't going to have a seizure or concussion or something. But I realized later, when we were standing outside the car and Tom was rubbing my head, that was probably something a dad would do, and it was kind of nice.


Yankee, Transferred said...

You have (in my opinion) surprisingly few issues for someone on whom responsibility was thrust suddenly and at a very young age.
I'm glad you got to experience a sweet fatherly moment.

Anonymous said...

Awwwwwwwwwwww! He is so sweet!!

Anonymous said...

I never had a dad either. I have these moments, too, sometimes, when a man who could be my father's age shows tenderness or kindness to me. That little voice says, "Aha! So that's what other people get."

Jane said...

Have you ever met your father? Is he around at all?

Anonymous said...

Being taken care of and cared for and cared about can feel really really nice.