Friday, May 13, 2011


Josh and I have been doing this running thing for months now, and we're pretty good at running a couple-few miles while talking. I don't know what it's supposed to be like but I am pretty happy with how it goes.

The other day when we were running, Josh mentioned marathons. Like the NYC and Boston ones. He said they have them all over the country. That we should go run in a bunch. My heart sank. Once again, Josh comes up with something fun for us to do. Once again, I can't do it. I can't afford to take the trip. To take the time off from work. To use up a favor with asking his parents to watch my sisters on a fun trip, rather than when something's happened and we really need their help.

Once again, Josh will tell me he'll pay my way, he's upset I can't go, he wants to know if I'll be upset if he goes with (rich) friends. I wonder what would happen if I said yes. Yes actually, I *will* be really upset if you go without me. I will miss you, I will be jealous of you staying in a six star hotel, I will be sad I can't go too.

So today I worked. Tomorrow morning there's more work, then going home to clean and do laundry, go food shopping, do homework, study, sit around staring at the tv until my eyes glaze over. While my boyfriend has flown to California with three friends for a race where you dress up in funny costumes. Where he will do all his schoolwork on the flights there and back, and will come home with a happy high and lots of stories to tell as always. About places he goes that I don't.


Anonymous said...

Having a poor boyfriend isn't all sunshine and lollipops either. Just different problems.

Lisa said...

There are other races within a few hours drive of NYC that do fun stuff. My sister does them. The Lincoln Tunnel has a 5k race every April.

But yes, it does suck to have a significant other who has significantly different amounts of money.

Yankee, Transferred said...

I'm sorry. That sounds really hard, all of it.

divaxbussitxbby said...

Sam, just live a little. Maybe I see this from a completely different point of view as you but you only get opportunities like this once. Enjoy them while you can. I wish I could get an opportunity to go to Cali to run in a costume but no. I'm here in NY doing math homework. Enjoy life while you can.

Anonymous said...

diva, she can't afford to take the time off from work. that's why she sits home doing her math homework while her boyfriend goes on his jaunts here and there.

Mizasiwa said...

that is really hard but if you are to your true form as per usual - save for it - go next year, this is not the only time they will ever run the race. spend time - when you get a chance to research other races start more local and work your way up to something in another state. this is a more academic way of doing it but you know what if you had gone it would have made you feel worse than losing out on this tiem just know that you and josh can and will experience this race or other at some other point its hard i know but your doing great and soon you will be in a better financial situation and things will be easier. if planning these things help then do it dont let it make you feel bad - my husband is like Josh and im a bit like you i hate spending money without a cause so planning things helps us get what we both want with the least amount of stress - for me ;-)Hope you feel better soon (ps alex's boyfriend sounds awsome!! how is Dani doing? havnt heard alot about her lately??)

Anonymous said...

Sam, it takes a pretty long time to train for a marathon, especially when you do it while juggling lots of other responsibilities. So I would just enjoy running and see where it takes you (in terms of how much running you enjoy, how much you can actually fit into your schedule, and that sort of thing)....And if Josh is just one of those people who needs to have a goal in mind & thinking of preparing for a marathon works for him in terms of motivation, why not ask him to pick a half-marathon somewhere in/around NY, that is about a year from now. Tell him that you would like to just keep running with him and you will run along side him as he trains as much as your schedule permits. Then if you have enough time to be ready to do the race with him, you can. If not, you still managed to run with him a bunch, which you seem to enjoy.

Anonymous said...

While you can't travel across the country on a whim like that, you can plan to travel across the country, and you can travel locally on a whim.

Yes actually, I *will* be really upset if you go without me. I will miss you, I will be jealous of you staying in a six star hotel, I will be sad I can't go too.

Why not tell Josh this? He is interested in your feelings, and you would just be sharing your feelings and not saying therefore he is not allowed to go. Make it clear that you aren't trying to guilt-trip him or change his behavior and just want to let him know how you feel, then share this with him.

And then let him know that if he would like to make doing a marathon in another part of the country part of your next planned vacation, you'd be up for that. And then suggest that in the meantime the two of you do one of the upcoming local fun runs.

Communicate your feelings to him, and show him that your obstacles do not mean that his ideas have to be scrapped all together. Doing these fun things with you is more important to him than just doing these fun things. He will be pleased to know that you want to do them with him too. Does he know you miss him when he's away?

Josh needs to take your limitations into consideration when proposing ideas, but you need to be open to the possibility of ideas that take your limitations into consideration.

Anonymous said...

Upcoming New York Races

Anonymous said...

Other ideas:

Go on more fun local weekend trips like the upstate apple-picking one, or even a day trip.

Stay in a local luxury hotel for a special night.

Maybe make a list for Josh of these ideas?

Also, let Josh know that certain chores getting done Sundays is a must, but if he splits the work with you then you'll have the time to do something fun with him or to just spend extra time lounging around with him being lazy, both of which you'd really like to be able to do.

Has Josh continued to do dinner prep for you? Sounds like his sharing the responsibility by preparing and setting out what you need to actually make dinner and also by doing related tasks such as setting the table results in a happier Sam with a little more time.