Pretty much everyone I know has called to ask if I've seen the news that osama bin laden is dead. After the fourth person I got the urge to make each person feel special, so I lied and told them no, thanking them for giving me such great news.
There's been a lot of talk of closure, of feeling safe again. Who *are* these people? I don't think there will ever be a sense of closure over having three people taken away from me suddenly, causing the entire direction of my life to change. Maybe this is ignorant of me but I didn't feel unsafe about anything except living with Aunt Elaine. Well, also any time there is a low-flying airplane. Everything was so layered that fall that no one thing besides moving made me feel unsafe. I wasn't worried about Topher because of figuring he was just helping people and didn't have time to call us. Then when we found out we were already numb from the shock of our mom. The day before our nana died she was saying things like she couldn't raise three girls on her own at her age, and that it was going to give her a heart attack. When it actually did I was selfish and more worried about what would happen to us, if we'd get sent to separate foster cares, that it distracted me from being fully upset about her dying.
Then when we moved in with Aunt Elaine, I was so freaked out that Alex stopped talking completely that it distracted me from her hating us. In a way the way there was an avalanche probably saved my sanity. Everyplace we went, I saw cops. Everyone felt like New York was unsafe, so any tourists were there to help. Firefighters from all over came zooming in, and you can spot them a mile away. Plus fire families were checking on us almost daily. So I felt really safe here.
osama bin laden being dead? It doesn't feel like anything to me. I hope that now since he's dead more people in the military can come home to their families but am not sure how realistic that is. I'm sure this is supposed to feel much bigger, and I should be out celebrating or something. Maybe I'm unpatriotic to not be more excited.
There's been a lot of talk of closure, of feeling safe again. Who *are* these people? I don't think there will ever be a sense of closure over having three people taken away from me suddenly, causing the entire direction of my life to change. Maybe this is ignorant of me but I didn't feel unsafe about anything except living with Aunt Elaine. Well, also any time there is a low-flying airplane. Everything was so layered that fall that no one thing besides moving made me feel unsafe. I wasn't worried about Topher because of figuring he was just helping people and didn't have time to call us. Then when we found out we were already numb from the shock of our mom. The day before our nana died she was saying things like she couldn't raise three girls on her own at her age, and that it was going to give her a heart attack. When it actually did I was selfish and more worried about what would happen to us, if we'd get sent to separate foster cares, that it distracted me from being fully upset about her dying.
Then when we moved in with Aunt Elaine, I was so freaked out that Alex stopped talking completely that it distracted me from her hating us. In a way the way there was an avalanche probably saved my sanity. Everyplace we went, I saw cops. Everyone felt like New York was unsafe, so any tourists were there to help. Firefighters from all over came zooming in, and you can spot them a mile away. Plus fire families were checking on us almost daily. So I felt really safe here.
osama bin laden being dead? It doesn't feel like anything to me. I hope that now since he's dead more people in the military can come home to their families but am not sure how realistic that is. I'm sure this is supposed to feel much bigger, and I should be out celebrating or something. Maybe I'm unpatriotic to not be more excited.
9 comments:
You're entitled to feel (or not feel) whatever. There's no "right" way to feel.
Still, I'm thinking of you guys tonight.
You have been in my thoughts since I heard the news. *hugs*
thinking of you too, i dont think you are unpatriotic, i think you are your wonderfully grounded realistic self.
As soon as I heard the news I thought of you.
You aren't supposed to feel a certain way. Just allow yourself to feel.
Hugs to all.
I was thinking about you too.
There certainly are no rules for how this is supposed to make you feel (or not feel)... (or whatever).
Not unpatriotic at all. And don't let anyone tell you different.
Your feeling that the least safe thing in the world was being with your Aunt was correct. I'm not surprised this didn't have the "expected" affect on you.
I know someone - a distant relative - whose son was killed working at Cantor Fitzgerald and I spoke to her last night. No closure there, either. Her son is still gone.
Nonetheless, you were on my mind last night when I heard the news.
Thinking of you.
YT
Same with me - your your normal grounded self and thats great. i didnt think the reaction would be what people thought it might or may have been. your loss was bigger than Osama and not much can take that away but your working through it in your own way - i dont know if youll ever allow yourself or be able to get 'closure' its just too big! thinking of you always.
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