Friday, April 29, 2011

Aren't I too young or something?

With this whole royal wedding happening, plus the wedding Josh and I are going to this weekend, there's been a ton of talk about weddings. If you are a girl, you are supposed to want to get married. You're supposed to have spent your entire childhood planning your wedding, generously setting aside a small list of decisions you will allow your future husband to make so he doesn't feel left out.

I am not good at being a girl. I barely wear makeup. I don't cry at sappy commercials. I don't create elaborate plots with friends for how to get things from my boyfriend. So I definitely am not really into weddings. The idea of two people falling in love and wanting to commit in front of all their friends and family to spend the rest of their days together is beautiful. Absolutely.

The sad thing is Shoshana is way more in love with Gavin than he is with her. She's a really sweet girl and I hate the thought that one day she may realize he has just been using her. He doesn't work. He is in a book club and a running club and just dicks around all day. I am looking forward to seeing what kinds of fancy food is served at the wedding, but getting the dress was not a fun experience, and being around all the fancy people isn't something to look forward to. Maybe I'm an ungrateful bitch, but I'd rather hang out with my sisters and do schoolwork.

You're either into the royal family or you're not. There's no mild amount of interest; everyone's very black or white in where they stand on this. Alex is all over it and can tell you all sorts of random facts about them. I ... am not, and had to really force myself to hold back from yawning in her face as she excitedly told me something about Kate Middleton. Alex's new best friend is sleeping over, and they are getting up at wedding o'clock in the morning to watch the wedding. She made scones and all sorts of English foods. I bet that tomorrow a lot of single girls will be saying, "You'll always be MY prince" to their cats.

When my sister started in on Josh about weddings, Danielle joined in. Josh finally called their bluffs, asking if they were trying to trick him into saying he wants to marry me. When they admitted he was right, Josh told them he does. Alex was shocked (or just carried way with all the wedding excitement) and ran around the house screaming. At one point she and Danielle were each squeezing an arm, imploring me to tell Josh I'll marry him back.

The thing is though I'm not sure. It's not that I like anyone else better or anything. I don't even have a crush on anyone else. It's more that ... I'm 19! That seems about ten years too young for marriage. People always say "you just know" but what if you don't? What if I broke up with Josh because I didn't know but then figured out he IS the one but he already found someone who was the second one and married her instead? What if I married Josh and then got older and changed in some hugely fundamental way that made me fall out of love with Josh? Life is too complicated.


Heidi said...

I am not one to speak as I met my husband when I was 18 and we married when I was 20. He was/is British and we did the long distance thing for 2 years and decided to get married. Neither of us are big wedding people, so we were married in our backyard with our parents there. I am definitely not one of those girls who planned their wedding out when I was a kid. We have been married for 12.5 years and together 15. It worked for us, but I am not naive enough to think that it would work for everyone. We are not the same people we were when we were 18 and 20. We both adapted to the changed and older us and I love him more than I did 15 years ago and I know he does too.

You don't always "know" that it is right. For us, it was a natural progression to our relationship to get married, so we did.

We have two kids (8 and 5) and he is a great dad and an even more awesome husband. You definitely can meet someone when you are young who you are meant to be with, even if you don't know for sure at the time.

Franziska said...

Generally speaking, I would agree that 19 is young, because most people do their growing up in their twenties. Meaning thats when their personalities can undergo quite some changes. However, you obviously have had to grow up way earlier, and you are incredibly self-aware already, so that might not apply. But still, you don't know where life after college will take you - or Josh.

I met my now-husband when I was 22. I always felt he was special, but it took me 6 years to realize he is the one I want to grow old with. We were sitting together, drinking tea and reading each other from the newspaper, and I thought to myself: I can envision this scene in 50 years. Thats when I knew.

I think, when you marry someone, you should truly believe that you want to stay with this person forever, till the end of your life. And forever is really long! So it is quite a scary thought.

We were together for 12 years before we made that commitment. And I am glad we took our time. Now we are married for 7 years and have 2 kids, and we are both still very much in love.

Nina said...

Like Franziska, generally speaking I feel like 19 is young. Most 19 year olds, I would say nuh-uh, not a good idea. But some 19 year olds are more mature than others, and I would put you in the more mature category without a second thought.

That said, I met my future husband at nineteen, got engaged at twenty, married at twenty-one, first kid at twenty-three. Yeah. But I'm happy. It will be seven years of marriage this summer.

I don't think you always "just know." I loved my (then) boyfriend and wanted to start our life together. I wanted us to be a team (that's our lingo), but did I have doubts? YES. Like most decisions in life, it's not black and white. I don't know why this particular decision is so hyped up and over romanticized and made all fuzzy.

I'm not saying you SHOULD marry Josh, just's not about having this "just knowing" feeling, but more like wanting something and making a decision to commit to that. At least for me?

Anonymous said...

I think, in general, the younger people are when they are married, the greater the chance of growing apart. I believe it is better to be "formed" as an adult before making this major decision.

Anonymous said...

Take your time. My husband and I lived together for 15 years before getting married. We both had issues to work through. Take your time. I wouldn't have wanted to get married at 19, I wasn't ready. Get through school, get your sisters into college or whatever they want to do, start your career - live your life. If Josh is the "one" for you, he'll be there and support you every step of the way.

Couldn't care less about the royal wedding!

Zephyr said...

You're not too young if you are mature enough to think that you are probably too young.

But the fact that you don't feel like the timing is right for you means it probably isn't. What you are doing now is working... it's ok to wait until you feel the timing is right. And then? It's ok to elope. Or have a small outside wedding for just family on a beach in Florida. Or have a huge wedding fit for a princess if you can afford it. (Which, for the record, I think is massively stupid! Marriage is about a life, not about a day. So I like YOUR view of weddings much better than the way "most girls" are.)

kateypie35 said...

The marriage discussion shouldn't even be on the table, good lordy. You are 19!!!! I didn't get married til I was 36, and even THEN it was a huge step. (only my opinion - plenty of people marry young and it works out just great). But yea. No. WAIT.

Yankee, Transferred said...

If you don't want to get married right now, then right now is not the time to get married. You ARE young. Are you TOO young? Only if you think you are. You are incredibly mature. You will do what is right for you, when it is right. Your sisters are just caught up in the wedding frenzy.

Kizz said...

When Kate Middleton was 19 a lot of people thought she should get married to Prince William. She, and he, begged to differ. They're 28 now and they pondered long and hard and, I didn't scrutinize all the details, but they look pretty happy. They waited until they were ready, though. That's all that counts.