Tuesday, July 12, 2011

All the small things

This morning I was one minute late to work because I cut it too close and then lost time saying good morning to the door man. I wish he were less chatty. I also wish he commented less on my body.

I can't stop looking at the clock to figure out what time it is in Italy to try to guess what my sister's doing.

Alex is the only kid I know who doesn't want to be home alone. Everyone else wants to be home alone and do all sorts of things they can't do with other people around. Not her. She hates being home alone so much that she comes home from camp and immediately comes to visit me at work. It's nice that she's old enough to actually help and young enough that nobody thinks she's a friend visiting at work.

I got a milkshake on the way home tonight. I couldn't finish it and normally would give the rest to Dani. It's not a hole in your heart; it's someone shoving a spiked pole through your heart repeatedly. I keep reminding myself she's coming back. She's gone on trips before but somehow leaving the country feels so huge and final.

Josh asked me to figure out how old I'll be when going on vacation out of the country with him. I'm thinking like 40? 

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there. She will be home soon safe and sound.
gmg

Kizz said...

Aim younger. Please? I think you'll enjoy traveling with him. Plus you've already sent a scout in Dani.

By the time she gets back you'll be really good at the time conversion. I do that when people I love are that far away, too.

Anonymous said...

Is Alex afraid to stay home alone, or does she just prefer to be around others? My sister hates being home alone and must be connected to other people at all times. Me--I value my alone time very highly and get pretty grumpy if I don't get it. Everyone's different.

Dani will be okay. NYC might be a fantastic place, but there's a whole other world out there that needs to be explored, just so that one can have some perspective, if nothing else.

How about a trip abroad after your college graduation? Something to celebrate and some time to become more comfortable with the idea?

I hope it gets easier for you a little further on into her trip.

Kathy

Anonymous said...

I got a milkshake on the way home tonight. I couldn't finish it and normally would give the rest to Dani. It's not a hole in your heart; it's someone shoving a spiked pole through your heart repeatedly.

This totally describes what the aftermath of the unwanted end to a loving relationship feels like to me. It could also describe what it feels like after the death of a loved one, as you are probably more than aware.

You are right to remind yourself that Dani is coming back. Of course you miss her deeply, but though this milestone is significant you know that her leaving the country is so not final.

Has Dani called you yet?

Alex being the baby of the family might account for her not wanting to be alone. Also, she wants to spend special time with you this summer, so it is nice that her visiting you at your job works out well.

Sometimes people just need to be near the people they love.

Can Alex find an after-camp job babysitting or dog walking?

It's an interesting juxtaposition, Dani wanting to travel out of the country for the summer while Alex doesn't want to be home alone even for an afternoon, and your feelings about each.

Anonymous said...

I know the familiar is always more comfortable but I've been lucky enough to do quite a bit of traveling in my life, and NYC is one of the more intimidating places I've been.

You can do it, and once you do, you'll realize how wonderful it is.

Artemisia said...

I think you'll be fine traveling outside the country when you can take your sisters along! Traveling is amazing but stressful - and being away from your sisters is understandably stressful for you.