Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Commencing freakout

Finals are in about two weeks, and it feels like there is no way to possibly be ready in time.  Time needs to expand, and there needs to be an extra four to six hours starting around 2am. Then I could sleep during those hours, and do all my other stuff during the regular hours.

So much rushing around is happening that I am fucking things up left and right. This morning I brushed my teeth, then couldn't remember what to do next, and somehow brushed my teeth a second time. Totally forgot to wash my face. Forgot to eat lunch and in the middle of the afternoon got super dizzy for about a half hour. The whole day went like that. Josh poked his head into our bedroom and I was just standing there in jeans and a bra. When he asked what I was doing, again, I realized I'd forgotten where I was up to.

Of course Josh's solution involves money - take the day off tomorrow, sleep late, then go get a massage. It's when he says things like that, that I feel farthest away from him. That's how you wind up staying up even later than you ever meant to, staring at the walls, sure you're forgetting something huge while watching the clock.


Kizz said...

He's right and he's not right. He's right in that you have to create time to breathe and time to take basic care of yourself. Where he's not quite as right is that he thinks you have to spend a ton of money to do it. Sometimes we really can't take time off work and a lot of the time we definitely don't have money for a massage. However, you can find time to really make yourself sit still. Doesn't have to be a nap and doesn't have to be long but now is a time when you deserve 10 minutes to drink a fancy cup of coffee or get a banana at the deli and sit on a park bench to eat it. Just eat it. Don't do anything else. It's essential that you eat. I'll bet you a dollar that your moments of loss where you can't remember what comes next have some to do with not eating enough as well as not sleeping enough. Maybe Josh has time to bring you lunch or buy you a snack and slip it into your bag. At 3pm a bag of m&ms can be the difference between getting something done and getting it done in a way that means you have to do it all over again tomorrow. Hang in there. This time of year is a fucking bear no matter how you tackle it you're going to get injured.

JJ said...

Dude, you should so ask him to make that your Christmas gift. You will like it, I promise.

Sleep late, massage, study in afternoon for finals, then meet Josh for nice dinner.

I'm not even doubling up on work and school and I want that for Christmas.

Mizasiwa said...

also maybe try a bath - with some shampoo in to make bubbles - we didnt have money for such stuff growing up! But if you have try that - you can do this anytime maybe even pull in a fiction book or something like that otherwise just enjoy the warm water and the stillness of it all - that should help. I agree with Kizz you really need to remember to eat!

Anonymous said...

Can you delegate some of your chores for the next two weeks? Can your sisters shop and make dinner or can Josh order from Fresh direct (even if it means buying prepared meals)? This will cost less than a massage! It's a huge relief to give up one part of your responsibilities - the trick is to really give it up and not to micro-manage the person doing it. It will free up a huge amount of time. Also bringing a pb&j in your bag for lunch everyday will do the same - no thinking involved. Good luck!

Lil'Sis said...

hang in there and good luck, I was like you at that time in my life, I just muddled through, nothing magic worked for me, hang in.