Monday, December 5, 2011

Exploding virgins

My little(st) sister wanted to watch this show on tv about virgins tonight. So okay, it's about these grownups who are getting married and are not just virgins, but haven't even kissed someone. Ever. Oh except this one woman who says she's a reclaimed virgin? I don't even understand what that means exactly. All the times in the past she's had sex don't count? How does that work? As long as you don't get pregnant or an STD then it doesn't count? In some way doesn't it seem like mentally unhealthy to discount real things that have happened in your life?

Another thing that seemed weird to me is that these people who are like 29-35 are shown going on first dates and telling the people they're virgins. Now I haven't really dated that many guys in my life, but unless I was actually prepared to have sex on a first date, the subject probably wouldn't be brought up at all.

This one girl is getting married on the show, and she's never kissed anyone in addition to never having had sex. She seems to ask every single person for advice on how to kiss.  Then, she has her first kiss EVER at her wedding after they say "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride." In front of everybody. I can't think of anything sexual that I'd want to do for the first time with an audience. Their first kiss, by the way, is awful. I've cringed less watching ugly people make out. The dad of the groom talks about being "a fly on the wall" on the couple's wedding night. EW! He wants to watch his SON have sex with his new daughter-in-law? I asked Josh if that's what his dad secretly thinks, and he could barely stop laughing as he shook his head no.

The 35 year old virgin guy tells the camera he doesn't think telling his date he's a virgin hurt his chances at all - that honesty is the best policy. Okay, there's being honest, and then there's handing someone your bank account and debit pin numbers. You can be honest without telling a person everything.

Alex asked if I think I'll be as giddy as the bride on the show on my wedding day. When she got a no, Al asked if it's because Josh is less uptight than the groom. Um no, it's because we've already had sex. She asked if I was nervous the first time. Josh said that was his cue to leave, and got up and walked away. That's how I wound up having an hour-plus-long conversation with my baby sister about losing one's virginity.

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