Thursday, April 12, 2012

Not a baby

Some days I can do so much on my own, working around my arm and while it's not exactly like forgetting it's useless, there's just a point where it's like, I'm at peace with working around it. With everything taking longer. But at least now I know how long things take. Plus that I'll have to go back and clean up messes from only having one hand to do them with. Like writing this and going back to fix all the typos. It helps that it's just until the end of this month. If I were like a vet who'd become one-armed or something I probably wouldn't be so non-bitchy about the whole thing.

I told Josh a while ago that I wanted him to hang out with my friends more. Like, out. Not just when someone comes over and he happens to be home. So tonight we went to dinner with Becca and her boyfriend. It is embarrassing how excited I was. I didn't even wear a black top.

Somehow we were lucky enough to be seated next to a drunk couple. We could smell the booze radiating off them. It was kind of weird - they were like this middle-aged trashy drunk couple out to dinner. Who got even more drunk while they were at dinner. It was highly amusing for us. Not so much for the waitstaff.

When our food came, I realized my arm had been forgotten so much that I hadn't taken care in planning my food. Now steak that needed cutting was sitting on a plate in front of me. I looked over at Josh while he was in a deep conversation with Becca's boyfriend and slid my plate in front of him. The hope was that he'd just realize and cut my steak for me.

At some point in the middle of talking Josh looked down. I watched his thoughts as if there were thought bubbles popping up. "Wait, this isn't my food." "Well did Sam get the right thing?" "Oh!" He promptly picked up a knife and started cutting my steak up for me. Becca kicked me under the table and mouthed, "Whipped" at me.

The drunk guy saw Josh put my plate of cut-up food in front of my place and take his plate back. It flipped the Drunk switch to Crazy Drunk. "Girl you is spoilt! You hear? SPOILT! You probly only blow your man on his birthday! Then make him buy you Juicy and diamonds. You spoilt! You akx his ass to cut yo meat? Girl please!"

On one hand it was hysterically funny and Becca and I were dying with barely-contained laughter. On the other hand, the drunk guy was so angry at my spoiled ass it was a real concern he'd slap me or take away my food. So I slowly pulled my arm out of my lap and put my cast on the table so he could see it.

Yeah it didn't help. "Oh girly broke her arm. Probably throwing a tantrum for your man to buy you sumfin. Or there was cousins (roaches) and you done freaked out breaking your spoilt ass arm. You big spoilt baby!" By now we were all just flat out laughing in the guy's face. His wife, girlfriend, whatever was also drunk but not quite as bad as he was. She told Becca her name was Nevelyn and they were visiting from Delaware. Becca was like "I think it's time you take your man back to Delaware. Visit's over."


Nina said...

OMG, that's hilarious. :)

I'm glad that Josh cuts your meat when your arm is broken. :)

jackie said...

racist much?

WestCoastWannaBe said...

Jackie - that is what sticks out to you in this story? Interesting. Sam - I think you have excellent story telling skills!