Friday, January 25, 2013

Political sway

I was sort of hoping we had screamed it all out and then were over it. That's how Italians do angry after all. Alex is not following her Italian cultural norms with this. Not only is she holding a grudge and glaring at me (while she eats the food I buy with money I earn and then cook for her), but she is trying to recruit Dani too.

So now I have Danielle ambushing me 40 times a day, demanding I defend every decision made for the last 11 years. Which is ridiculous because for one, fight your own fights ALEX, and for two, I almost never pulled rank on Dani. Maybe like half a dozen times, which sounds like a lot but really isn't.

Still though, she is questioning everything. Why did we share socks? (Because I didn't have it in me to match socks.) Why did she have to sign up for the after-school stuff I chose? (Because I picked the least expensive ones.) Why did I get to decide when she had to stop stealing? (Because I was in charge of the money and knew we could afford it.) Alex feeds her issues to be angry about, and stupid manipulated Dani comes running, demanding answers.

We found out a guy on our floor is moving out. Today I jokingly told Josh to see if he can get the storage space from that guy, so we can move my sisters down there. As punishment for being so freaking annoying.


Karen said...

For Alex this is a developmental milestone - questioning your parents. I'm sorry it's so annoying but all in all it's a good thing for her to do. To learn that you are not omniscient and perfect and always right. Now you can get her to solve some of her own problems. That might be hard for you!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I can certainly empathize with being hounded and questioned for decisions you made which were meant to benefit all, or most of you. I wish there was some option when you can spend some time away from them and they will have to fend for themselves. You had to do and be responsible for a lot of things, something they never experienced. You didn't have anyone to vent to, the way they have you.

Anonymous said...

It might not hurt to suggest that Alex see a counselor of some kind. You all have had a different path than most people, and these may not be issues that work themselves out naturally. Plus, sometimes it helps to talk to someone who is not involved in the situation just to get an unbiased viewpoint.

But yeah, it sounds like she's being an adolescent and that she doesn't really appreciate all you've done for her over the years. Overall, I think you're handling it well. It sounds like she has no idea that there are real answers to the questions she's asking.

OTRgirl said...

Wow. That must be so frustrating! From what I've read on your blog, you've done the best you knew how to do and gave up a lot for your sisters. To have that thrown back in your face as selfishness must really hurt. I agree that it's probably healthy that Alex feels safe enough to question the status quo. It does seem like a good option to get her to see a counselor.

If she's glaring, it sounds like there's more. I know it sucks because you feel like you've just been dumped on, but is it possible to just go sit with her at some point and say, "That was a tough conversation. I want you to know that I love you a lot. I know that we love each other and drive each other crazy--that's part of being sisters. I get the sense there's more you need to say?"

Then after she shares her stuff, ask her, "Given all that, what do you think you need to do about it?" That question helps her take responsibility for her own stuff.

Anonymous said...

I'm with OTRgirl...ask her what she feels she needs to do about it. And try to help Dani get out of the middle. Tough times. Hang in there.