I earn a lot of money now. Sometimes I check my bank balance just because it makes me feel good to see all that savings. It's reassuring.
Alex wants me to buy her an iPad. That's what she says, but I think she kind of more wants to just have something fancy bought for her. Josh has an iPad, and when he got his new version he gave me his old one, which I rarely use. Well, I use it almost every day, but never at the times Alex would use it.
Basically Alex just wants to feel special. We got in a huge fight a few weeks ago, and another one yesterday. I pointed out to her that I would be happy to get her something special if she acted like someone who deserved such things. Which made her act worse. It included calling me a rich bitch, saying I am finally lucky and leaving everyone else behind.
Well yes. People who work full time will have more money than people who go to school full time. Alex babysits once or twice a week. When Danielle and I were in high school we worked a lot more than that. Alex doesn't realize though, that as soon as I got my job, I started paying more rent, to get things closer to equal.
I kind of want to charge Alex rent, just because she's so unappreciative. Except when you're in high school you shouldn't really have to pay rent. To be honest, I'm really sad. It never occurred to me that we wouldn't be friends.
Alex wants me to buy her an iPad. That's what she says, but I think she kind of more wants to just have something fancy bought for her. Josh has an iPad, and when he got his new version he gave me his old one, which I rarely use. Well, I use it almost every day, but never at the times Alex would use it.
Basically Alex just wants to feel special. We got in a huge fight a few weeks ago, and another one yesterday. I pointed out to her that I would be happy to get her something special if she acted like someone who deserved such things. Which made her act worse. It included calling me a rich bitch, saying I am finally lucky and leaving everyone else behind.
Well yes. People who work full time will have more money than people who go to school full time. Alex babysits once or twice a week. When Danielle and I were in high school we worked a lot more than that. Alex doesn't realize though, that as soon as I got my job, I started paying more rent, to get things closer to equal.
I kind of want to charge Alex rent, just because she's so unappreciative. Except when you're in high school you shouldn't really have to pay rent. To be honest, I'm really sad. It never occurred to me that we wouldn't be friends.
5 comments:
Lucky? I don't think so. You worked your ass off for YEARS to reach where you are today.
Kathy
Have you talked to your old shrink about parenting Alex through her teens? It is hard for everyone to deal with kids this age and it requires some long term planning and thinking about big picture goals.
You understand that her experience of life is much different than yours and Dani's. She isn't going to learn the same things because she has grown up almost entirely with you as her parent, while you learned a lot from your mom and grandma.
To me the issue of what Alex wants in terms of material goods should not be connected to what she wants (and needs) from you in terms of emotional support. She might connect them, yes, and it is hard work to separate them since so much of what we do for our kids is material. However, I think you can do this and what it requires is your time.
Alex will feel special if you dedicate time just to her. Take her to the movies on a special date. Do the things that SHE likes to do, just the two of you. See if Dani can do the same. I realize that you probably don't enjoy spending this kind of time with her right now but you should be able to fake it until you make it, KWIM?
I am a firm believer in the idea that she should buy herself an iPad. You can help her set financial goals and work to meet them.
Hang in there Sam - she doesn't understand how hard you have worked, and she may never realize it. However, when she gets in the "real world" after school and is dependent on herself to pay bills, rent, etc...I bet she will realize just how lucky she is to have had an older sister who sacrificed so much so that she wouldn't go without...literally without. You will be friends again one day.
1. You worked hard to get where you are. Congratulations! Enjoy your money.
2. In a way, Alex's acting out reflects your success in raising her - you've given her enough of a sense of security that she feels safe to do this, annoying as it is for you. You and Dani didn't have this luxury. You have given her this with your hard work, the chance to be a typical teen (ie, a pain in the posterior).
3. I second the person saying Alex should buy her own iPad. It'll help her learn about hard work/money/rewards. Plus the iPad will mean more to her that way.
Post a Comment