Wednesday, May 27, 2015

18 Weeks

There are 18 weeks of chemo. I don't understand so much of what is going on, and it feels like I'm just walking around with my jaw on the floor staring in shock at everything.

Laurie is taking anti-depressants. When she's taking them regularly, she's sort of okay. Then she thinks she's okay, goes off them, and spirals horribly. Laurie's seeing a special cancer therapist, but is super phony-positive to the point that Josh went with her one day to be like "Here's what's REALLY going on." He told me Laurie walked in and greeted the therapist by gushing "Look at you! That is the most DARLING pantsuit ever!" Wtf is that? She's so deep in denial about what's going on. Laurie also keeps going through all these crazy diets super fast, to the point it's hard for us to keep up. One week she's not eating meat, the next week only vegetables. My head is spinning.

Josh's sister has moved back, sort of temporarily. She's ... weird. She's a yoga instructor. Who seems to rarely shower. She travels a lot. She talks a lot about being real, in a way that implies nobody but her is. I am keeping my mouth shut because this is Josh's sister, but you know what's real? The $12 of organic strawberries I bought that you scarfed down while at our house.

She also has that rich-people dismissive way of talking that I hate. Everyone is spending a LOT of time at our house and she will say things like "Sam, I think my mom would like some tea. And I'll have some too, thanks."

Laurie has chemo on Mondays and then around Thursdays feels well enough to run around own. She spends the early part of the week at our house. Please don't ask me why - I don't know. She lays around watching Netflix, napping, snacking and talking to us. Yesterday Laurie announced to us, in the middle of the day, that she wanted carrot cake. Josh ordered a cake at Whole Foods and told me he paid over the phone and could I pick it up on my way home. The bakery lady showed me the cake when I went to pick it up. It said FUCK CANCER across the top. Um. There was no way I was going to hand this to Laurie. I can not use the word fuck in front of them.

So that's what is going on. Every day when I come home from work, I have no clue who exactly will be here. Or what mood they'll be in. Sometimes Laurie thinks she's going to kick cancer's ass, and sometimes she's convinced she's dying. Last week she was convinced she was having a heart attack and trying to insist she be driven to their vacation house two hours away. My head is spinning on a regular basis. 

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow, Sam, a lot going on. It's really, really hard (and super stressful) going through a major illness like this, even when it's your own blood relatives. If it hadn't been for my husband and his patience and support during both my parents' illnesses I doubt I could have made it through and still be sane. I'm so sorry all of you are having to deal with this. Just do the best you can to get through it. Maybe a little night off in a hotel for yourself every once in a while. It'll be worth it. As for his sister--I've found there's one or two of those in every family during times like this--sometimes the best you can hope for is just to try and be able to keep your mouth shut for the duration. ;-)

It's interesting to me that the stress is apparently the same no matter if you're rich or poor.

Hang in there. I'm sure Josh and Laurie appreciate it.

Kathy

Suzanne said...

You seriously cannot catch a break.

Karen said...

Kathy hit the nail on the head.

So sorry for all of this, for you and Josh and Laurie and your sisters.

Are your sisters heading out of town for the summer?

Amanda said...

Ahh, so the Prodigal daughter has returned after how many years of pretending she didn't have a family??!! I would show her where things are in your kitchen so she can make her own damn tea! Seriously, 18 weeks is too long to be her servant. I agree with the above commenter that If it gets to be too much grab your sisters and stay at a hotel for a night or two.

I'm sorry for all of you that you are going through this. Everyone's moods and emotions are always in ups and downs and never coordinated to match each other's. Hang in there!

P.s. What was the diagnosis?

sam said...

Amanda, ovarian cancer.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there. Josh's sister isn't sick. She should get her own tea. (maybe you do need to take a couple days at a hotel with Josh or your sister's!) Where is Josh's dad in all this?

Abby said...

Yeah, Josh's sister sounds like the last... not straw. Bale of hay, maybe. Tell her that getting her mother tea is honoring her parents, so you won't deny her the mitzva. Say it with a straight face.

Karen said...

perfect, Abby!

Kizz Robinson said...

On the one hand it sounds like Laurie is staying at your place because she feels safe there and nothing about her life feels safe right now. On the other hand she's clearly terrified. I mean, that heart attack-vacation house incident was a panic attack, right? Ovarian Cancer is no fucking joke. I'm so glad she has you. You've got roots. She needs those right now. Take care of yourself! You can't help anyone else if you don't.