Wednesday, October 14, 2015

I should win an award for selfishness

The amount of time I spend thinking about Laurie, doing things for or because of her, is huge. Today in the shower I realized "You don't have kids. You shouldn't have to be thinking about other people so much!"

I'm just tired. Laurie's surgery was Monday. She had a complication in that when they attempted to take the fluid out of her lungs, they punctured one by accident because of there being a lot of scar tissue. But they dealt with that and then took out some of the bigger tumors, having to leave some small ones in. On Thursday night Laurie got released from the hospital, Sunday she went to a baby naming, and yesterday she left for a vacation.

I am jealous of the vacation. I suggested to Josh that we go on a mini-holiday, like just upstate or to New England for one night. It's fall, apples, leaves, pumpkins. It might be nice to get out of the city. But Josh doesn't want to. He says he won't be able to relax because of how stressed he is about Laurie. Wasn't really sure what to say to that. 


Anonymous said...

What everyone is feeling is, unfortunately, normal for this situation. I suggest you go alone, with one of your sisters or a friend. If you need some downtime there's no reason not to take some. There's nothing wrong with going on your own if nobody else wants to go. It might feel uncomfortable if you haven't done it before (besides work), but you'll soon see that it can be very relaxing. Sounds like just what you need. Josh might associate vacations, mini or otherwise, with all fun and games, and not anything that can be of a restorative value. If you don't want to go alone, take a tour bus to see the leaves or whatever, where you can still be around other people, but anonymous and somebody else is taking care of all the arrangements. Couples aren't always going to want to do things at the same time and doing things on your own sometimes is quite healthy. Just my opinion, but it's always worked for me.

Suzanne said...

Make plans. Find a great place to stay in autumn country. Go apple picking, take a hike in the crunchy leaves, eat great food. Josh will come if you plan it. :) And if he doesn't want to come still, take a sister and have a good time. You deserve some R and R!

Karen said...

Yes! ^^

Also, you can have a staycation, just you and Josh at home for the day, playing hookie from whatever, with food and wine and in bed.

Elaine said...

You should plan something and Josh might want to go along - and then discover the restorative properties of a break like that. This is going to be a long siege, you're going to have to bolster your resources along the way to get through it. It's not selfish, but "self-care." Somebody has to care for the carers, and often it has to be them.

Anonymous said...

Does it feel odd to have switched places with Josh on the vacation position?

All of the above are correct. Josh sees vacations as play time and right now what you need is just down time. You can take it at home, and if that's your choice I'm going to recommend something that's pretty far outside your comfort zone.

Look for a day spa in the city. What you're looking for is one with a relaxation room, quiet room, steam room - something like that so you can just sit and not worry about someone fussing with your nails or hair. I suggest this because people who are as type A as you are tend to have issues relaxing at home - you just see all of the things that you could be doing instead.