Sunday, October 4, 2015

My comfort or yours?

For Sunday night dinner, I am making an appetizer plate with focaccia, salami, prosecution, roasted peppers, a couple of cheeses and olives. Then we will have Italian Wedding Soup. For dessert I am putting out the apple pie made yesterday. When Josh heard what was for dinner, he frowned. "Why can't you make real comfort food?" Apparently his comfort food is Jewish food. But mine is hearty soups, and Italian food. I am stressed, I am unsettled, and I am seeking comfort food for myself. Josh can go make his own comfort food if he wants it that badly.

Laurie only thinks in black and white. Either she's definitely dying or she assumes she's fine and all this fuss is ridiculous. She veers back and forth between the two multiple times a day. It's hard to keep track. Lately she's been on the "after chemo I'll be dead OR cured but no in between!" bandwagon.

Laurie's scans came back showing both improvement and ... spreadage. (I don't know if that's a real word.) The doctor seemed pleased, even though the cancer having spread doesn't sound good to me. Apparently though, they can do surgery to cut out a big chunk of the cancer and that definitely sounds good. So that's happening Monday. Except before that can be done, the new fluid in Laurie's lungs has to be taken out, so that's being done today. After the Monday cancer-cutting, there's a three week recovery period.

Of course I just got put on a client Friday afternoon where we were told, "Expect to stay until at least 8pm each night." Great. I totally lied and told them a relative is having major surgery Monday and I need an hour to cut out and run to the hospital, so they are checking with the partner if that's okay. I am waiting to hear if it'll be allowed.

This is terrible of me, but I want Laurie to do her recovering from her surgery at her house, not ours. Obviously, I am feeling very selfish lately.


Anonymous said...

From my experience, it sounds like the stress levels associated with this type of illness is proceeding normally for all of you. Unfortunately your work schedule is likely intensifying your own stress, leaving you precious little time to shore up your reserves for getting through each day. I remember feeling a bit (a lot) selfish myself after a time so I think that's normal too. Extended illness can shake up even the most solid of families making everyone (more) irritable and crazy. Hopefully being able to vent here on your blog helps a little. Perhaps you can ask Laurie's housekeeper to send over some Jewish comfort food for Josh on some evening you'll be working. I'm guessing Laurie would have done that in times past and Josh is also just missing that as well. Not much to be done except to just try and get through it as best as you all can. It sucks for sure. Best wishes for a good outcome from Laurie's surgery.

Abby said...

You didn't lie. Laurie is family.

Amanda said...

I agree with the previous comments. Laurie has all day in her own head to act fatalistic or switch to denial while everyone else is trying to maintain their day to day lives of work or school.

Maybe speaking with Josh's Dad and explaining that you have to protect your home life and that of your sister's through all of this. Laurie has a very nice home and is not lacking in the financial resources to have help as she recovers. Maybe she worries no one will visit her if she is in her own home. If everyone, especially Josh, commits to visit she might be willing to stay in her home. You haven't mentioned your sisters very much through all of this, but I'm sure this is taking a toll on them as well.

Btw...your comfort food sounds fantastic to me! I'm sure there is a great place to get Jewish comfort food in NYC.

Take care of yourself and if things deteriorate with Laurie feel free to ask your HR person for a meeting. They like to know about a situation before it becomes one. Let them know that Laurie has acted as a Mother figure for you and your sisters and that when needed you want to be able to be there for her and your family. I know it sounds a little extreme, but my sister is an HR exec and she said a heads up is much appreciated. Also, being on good terms with HR is always a good thing!!