Dear Aunt Elaine,
While I understand that you feel that we have ruined your pathetic life, and that you hate us all very deeply, and want to make our lives miserable so we'll leave immediately upon graduating from high school, none of us are stupid. Alex is naive because of her age, sure, but even she is not stupid, and knows how you feel.
So please stop reminding us of how huge of a sacrifice our living with you is. We know. And if we were guaranteed to be able to stay together, please be assured we would consider getting the fuck out of this smoke-filled hellhole you call home. We NEVER forget how much you hate us, and I'm sorry you can't see or appreciate how much we try to not piss you off.
Also, when Alex has a freak-out and is hysterically crying, your screaming at me to shut her up does nothing to actually help her shut up. You must know it only scares her when she's already upset and just makes her cry harder. Oh, unless you're stupid.
Telling me to TAKE HER OUTSIDE until she could be quiet and go to sleep tonight? Yeah, thanks for making my night fucking suck. Teasing Alex when she said she misses Mommy? Saying "why don't you ask Sam to call her?" is really fucked up of you. REALLY. Seriously, I consider that mentally abusive to Alex.
I know you never go outside, so maybe you don't realize or remember how shady our street is, but having Alex sitting in my lap at 10:30 at night watching junkies fight, smoke crack, and turn tricks, while distracting her from what she's upset about, is not the way to get her to calm down.
Oh, and because you said not to come back in until Alex was completely quiet, I stayed outside with her until she fell asleep. Carrying a nine-year old up all those stairs? NOT EASY! And fuck you for making me cry while I had to tell Alex over and over that Mommy is totally dead and we can't call her.
I hate you. I hope you fucking die. And since nothing we do or don't do is EVER good enough for you, consider this my notice that I officially give up. I will no longer try. You get PAID to keep us. You smoke the money you're supposed to spend on us. People who are not related, who have no obligation, care much more than you do.
Fuck you very much from the bottom of my heart,
Sam
1 comment:
OMG you are amazing! I don't want to be patronizing(SAT word :) I'm sure you've heard it all before. I don't know how I found your blog or what time I started reading it, but I just couldn't stop! When I found this post I cried like a baby & just wanted to drive up & kick Aunt Elaine's ass myself & bring all 3 of you home with my familiy! I live in small town NC, you'd lose it here!!! I read your entire blog & it's now 7:11am & I need to get my daughter up for school! I'm from Jersey & wasn't crazy about your comments, Jersey isn't soooo bad : ( People's attitudes suck though, probably due to the high cost of living...??? Anyway, you keep doing what your doing & if you ever need to talk, let me know, I don't have all the answers either, but I'll do my best :) Even when you plan on children - shit happens! Mine certainly didn't "pop" out with an "owner's manual"! I'll be reading regularly :)
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