Please Kill Me Now

Today is Day Two of not going to work. My throat is fucking KILLING me. Any time I talk out loud, I get tears in my eyes from how bad it hurts. Last night I couldn't fall asleep until 3 a.m. because I was hot and cold at the same time. Can you drink straight honey?

More Interviewing

I had so much fun with the last one, that I'm doing another interview thingie, this time from The Wee Dragon. Which I read as The Weed Wagon the first time I saw her blog. So far, her blog has nothing about weed though.

If you want me to interview you, here's how it works:
1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview Me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

1. I'm not sure if school has started there yet (it has here) but if it hasn't, what is one thing you most look forward to about going back to school? Or if it has, what did you look forward to most?
School starts after Labor Day. Hanging out with friends.

2. What is your best memory of this summer? Your worst?
Fridays are my best memory because that's when I get paid. And when my sister came home from her vacation. I don't have a worst memory of the summer.

3. If you could say one thing to your Aunt Elaine and have her really listen to you without sarcastic comments or judgment, what would it be?
Nothing. Her listening would mean nothing anyway.

4. What are your plans regarding Dani and Alex when you turn 18?
I don't know. I mean, I'll know before I'm 18, but whatever happens is either going to happen this year after I turn 16 or when I graduate from high school when I'm 17. Josh's dad and I had a long talk about it and he said that even though I'd probably be able to make a case for being emancipated, to get custody of Alex and Danielle would be a problem.

5. What are your favorite memories of your mom and Christopher?
My mom, everything. Her clothes, her smile, the way she smelled, that she had so many friends and knew people everywhere we went, how she always knew exactly what the right answer was to everything, how happy she always was, everything. With Topher, I miss the girlie files. We used to have a spiral notebook on the counter where we'd write down anything that we were "too girly" to do. Like change a lightbulb on the ceiling or fix under the sink or move something heavy or whatever. Every time he came over, he had to do whatever we had on the list, but Topher would always teach us how to do the stuff, like that you take all the drawers out of a dresser so it's less heavy.

Sick

I'm sick. I called Wendy last night and told her I'm getting a cold and maybe I shouldn't come tomorrow (today) so Nora doesn't catch it. She said no, come anyway, and she'll just give Nora an extra vitamin. Umm... okay.

My throat is on fire. I wish I liked tea.

Drive Faster

Tomorrow night cannot come fast enough. Dani comes home around 9 or 10 p.m. Her friend's mom said if it's late, they'll just bring her here Monday morning but I said no, she should come home no matter how late it is. If Dani gets here Monday morning, then that's all day I won't see her.

Alex and I are so excited that we totally cleaned today. Well, except for the oven. There's no self-cleaning thing and I was going to buy oven cleaner but had to buy a power cord instead.

Oh! So let's talk about going to Comp USA for a power cord. I brought in my old one and asked the guy if they had a new one exactly the same. I'd written down the kind of laptop I have too. Totally prepared. The guy tells me they don't sell the power cord I have, but I can buy a universal power cord, and I'll have 21 days to return it if it's wrong.

There were a whole bunch of different kinds, but they were all either $80 or $130. Just my luck, the kind that was compatible with my laptop was the more expensive one. At least three times the guy stresses their 21-day return policy. I knew I was going to take home the power cord and try it right away. As the guy at the cash register took my money he also told me about the 21-day return policy.

Brought home my power cord, and totally shredded the box trying to rip it open. I had to use scissors and everything. Get it open, only to see this power cord is weird. Maybe it would have worked, but it's not right. I called Josh, and he said there's no way it should have cost that much. I told him though, there were only two prices and the guy showed me how my laptop wasn't listed as compatible with the $80 power cord.

Josh insists it's wrong, and tells me to go return it, and he'll order me one from online (which I couldn't do at the time, since I had like 45 seconds of computer use before my battery would die) and I can pay him back. So the next morning, I put the expensive power cord, all the pieces of packaging, and the receipt in a bag and go back to Comp USA to return it.

The girl tells me it's not returnable. I'm like, "But I have my receipt and everything." I tell her two different guys told me I had 21 days, and I'm back in less than 24 hours. No. And she points to the receipt where it says something like "Computer parts can be exchanged only." So I tell her again, that both guys told me multiple times I had almost a month to return it. That they never used the word "exchange" once.

She kind of yelled at me about what the receipt said and I was freaking out about losing $130, and her manager heard and came over. You know that feeling when you know crying is coming? That's where I was. More and more people were getting on line behind me. Everybody was watching. He was like "I can see you're upset, but I'm sure you can see right here on the receipt where it says this."

So I told him that I didn't think that was fair, because obviously, people never get receipts until AFTER they've paid for things, and how could I know this return policy before buying my power cord if it's printed on the receipt, especially when the two Comp USA guys kept telling me I had 21 days? The manager guy kind of laughed and said they shouldn't have done that, they were wrong.

And I was like, well I shouldn't have to pay for their being wrong - take $65 from each guy, but not $130 from me.

The whole time I was going back and forth, there was the long line behind me, and the security guard was listening too. Finally, the manager said I was holding up the line, and the guy behind me said to him, "No, actually YOU are holding up the line, not her." And he got all huffy and said fine, he'd take my expensive-but-wrong power cord back but only this time. Hey, don't worry asshole, I'll NEVER buy anything at Comp USA again. And that is why my power cord problems are still going on.

Tomorrow night I am supposed to get shrunk, but I want to skip it to hang out with Dani instead. I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow. Aunt Elaine told me I seem gay with how excited I am to see Danielle, and I glared at her and she was like "You gotta admit, you girls are unnaturally close!" So I just glared at her more, and she said, "Don't give me that 'You gotta be fucking kidding me' look" but then we all laughed because I totally was.

Please Stand By

Power cord has finally died and I am computerless. I do not know how old people lived without them. I am like a little girl without her mommy. Oh wait...

A new one has been ordered, and when I get it and am back online, I will blog all about how Comp USA tried to screw me over because I am:

1. A girl
2. A kid
3. Maybe because of 1 AND 2.

Something In Common

Aunt Elaine called me today before I'd gotten home from work. She walked halfway down the block and back two times without her walker. She was almost crying when she told me and then as we stayed on the phone she was totally crying. She said she wasn't sure this day would ever come. Neither were we.

I asked if she met the newest crackwhore on the block, but Aunt Elaine said it's been so long they all looked new to her. She's all inspired now and wants to go walking twice in the morning, and twice in the afternoon. Hopefully. Alex and I made a congratulations card.

Not having Dani here is really awful. She should have either only gone away for a couple of days, or not gone so far. Sunday is never going to come. Before she left, Dani asked if we could pray. To who? We don't believe in anything.

To Mother Nature. Because Dani wanted to pray she wouldn't get her period while she was on vacation. Alex and I agreed - that was a really good prayer to make; we wouldn't want to have that happen to us either. Amen. When I was at Craig for shrinking tonight and he asked how it is without Danielle I cried. And then I cried again after she called and we hung up.

I think it's easier for the person who goes away. They're distracted from missing their family by all the exciting new stuff that's going on. We're just doing the same shit without Dani around. Alex and I are sleeping in Dani's bed while she's gone.

Wendy doesn't really like that Alex is coming with me to work this week, but didn't say anything. You can just tell. Alex did a good job with Nora and we packed her a lunch to bring so Wendy wouldn't get upset about us using up her food. I think if Alex does a good job all week I'll give her money, since she's sort of working.

Split

Courtesy of Alex's screwup, we stayed up really late last night finishing laundry so Danielle could pack. And then we were all crying about being apart overnight for so long. And this morning Danielle left for her very first vacation. I'm older; I should have gotten a vacation first.

Even my mother knew Malaika and her family; that's how long she and Dani have been friends. Malaika's mother is a girly doctor, and I don't know what the dad does. I think it's funny that a black family is going to Cape Cod; not that they shouldn't, but I always think of places like the Hamptons, Martha's Vineyard and Cape Cod as being for snooty white people.

Malaika's mother said that Dani can use her cell phone to call us as often as she wants. Aunt Elaine thinks we're being ridiculous to worry about 9/11 happening all over again, but were the people who worried about it before it happened so ridiculous? No.

We're playing the odds to have fun. But eventually we'd have to, right? And like, the majority of people do go on vacations and nothing bad happens, right? I hope Dani has an amazing time. And I hope this week doesn't feel as long as today has felt so far. For the one who we've always thought of as The Quiet One, it's really quiet around here without Dani.

Breakthrough Schmeakthrough

Last night I had shrinking and Craig said I want to stop blogging because now it's getting hard and if I stop I'll just have to go through it again later. He said it's better to deal with it now and move on then push it aside and have it hanging over me, only to have to deal with it later.

Whatever.

Thanks for all the oven help. I'll try baking soda this weekend. My $20 for this weekend is already sort of spoken for, so I'll buy the oven stuff next weekend. It's looked like this forever but Danielle is saying she won't eat anything cooked in the oven anymore until it's degrossified.

Camp ends like NOW and we are trying to figure out where to put Alex. I mean, I can send her to the library every day but I won't be able to take her there in the mornings. Danielle is going to a vacation for a week with her friend.

Fucking Aunt Elaine had a seizure yesterday morning.

I saw a really cool loft bed on Craigslist

Question

How the hell do you clean an oven? Here is what I've tried so far:

1. Paper towel with water
2. Paper towel and Windex
3. Clorox Wipe

None of them worked. Whatever is on the bottom of the oven and on the inside of the oven door has been there since before I moved in.

How do I get it off? Can I use a box cutter to scrape it off? Something else?

Thanks.

Disenchanted

Ma,

I don't feel like doing this anymore. You never write back. I just complain when I write anyway. You never write back. This is stupid.

Me

Interview! Part Two

Sorry I'm so slow on Bine's interview thingy. But below is the second part. Here's the first part, in case you missed it.

# 3. If you could take some time off and do something fully paid for by some benefactor, what would you like to do? Imagine Dani and Alex get to make their own wishes and are taken care of. Pick something just for yourself that you think would do you good.

I would get a dog, and a really kick ass tutor who could help me get through two more years of high school in one year, and then I could work for a year before going to a good college and then in college I’d have more money.

#4. Your relationship with Josh sounds very tender and trusting for your teenage years. Do you think having a “serious” boyfriend has changed you, and if yes, in what way?

Don’t be fooled – we’ve had contests that involve phrases that start out with “If I can fit this whole donut in my mouth …” It makes me miss my mom more. She would have a lot of good things to say about dating and boys and sex. I don’t think it’s really changed me, but it’s good to be reminded with living proof that there are really nice boys. It's changed me in a way my sister would say is bad because now when I have free time I want to hang out with Josh, and will decide Alex has to grow up and learn to deal without me, when before I would have always gone to get her and bring her to whatever I was doing.

#5. What expectations do you have for the new school year and what kind of elective courses would you like to take? Do you already have an idea what you would like to major in if you go to college or do you feel it’s too early to decide?

I want to major in something that will let me get a high paying job when I have my Bachelor’s degree. So I know I don’t want to major in anything like English or Art History.

Next year I am taking: Pre-calc., Chemistry, ASL, American Lit/Composition, AP American History, a Communications class, and gym (required). I wanted to take a photography class but you have to be able to buy an expensive camera AND be able to spend a lot of non-class time for that.

My expectation is that next year will be better than 10th grade was because I’m finally out of all track three classes. And the AP likes me. And, I haven’t gotten in any fights in all of 2007. The whole SAT thing is kind of going to suck, but whatever. And despite saying “whatever” and starting the majority of sentences in this paragraph with “and”, I expect to do better on English than on the Math portion.

Lucky!

Mommy,

When I got home today and got the mail, there was a magazine in that black plastic stuff. I thought it was Playboy and was accidentally put in the wrong mailbox, but when I looked at the label it had my name on it. So I opened it and it wasn't porn at all, but Lucky! The label said I have a subscription until the middle of 2008.

But I never signed up for a magazine. So I called the number in the masthead and the guy said a one-year subscription was already paid for. He said I should have gotten a letter saying somebody bought me a gift of a year's subscription before the magazine came but sometimes the magazines come first.

YAY! I got a present, I got a present!

When I got inside though, Aunt Elaine saw and she said no more magazines are coming into this house (thanks Alex!) and I had to go throw it out before coming in. I went back out and sat outside to read the whole thing first. I ripped out a page that lists all these cool products that aren't expensive and gave my magazine to a new crack whore. It's a funny magazine - all the clothes are over $200. Wait no, I saw one thing that was $85. I don't think the people who read Lucky are the same people buying off the clearance racks at Old Navy and Target like me.

I'm going to ask Josh if I can keep them at his house when the next one comes. I want to be able to look at them over and over.

This is so awesome. I am so happy.

Love,
Sam

P.S. I took a nap after work today and slept so hard that I am going to be up way late tonight.